Archive for 2005

Don’t Let’s Get Her Started on Her Fucked-up Ass

Ghetto girl #1: Damn, yo! What the fuck is up wit your left eye? It’s dumb red!
Ghetto girl #2: Nah, it ain’t even like that. There was a shootout.
Ghetto girl #1: You got shot in the eye? How the fuck…?
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah, he was trying to come on my mouth and missed and shot some into my eye.
Ghetto girl #1: Damn! Who the fuck he think you was? Jenna Jameson or something? Keep on doing that kinky shit, now look at your dumb fucked-up ass. –Simpson Street station Overheard by: schizo diva

Those Are the Only Two Jobs Left

Girl #1: So, I don’t know; he lives in Madrid and wants to meet me so I might go over there in 2 weeks.
Girl #2: Well, does he seem cool at all?
Girl #1: I can’t tell. He seems nice, but I don’t know what he does. Like is he a stamp collector or a lawyer? –Elevator, Maiden Lane

Don’t Worry, I Know a Guy Who Can Score Some

Girl #1: Do you have Laughing Cow cheese, you know the little button cheeses?
Cheese counter guy: Sorry, we don’t have that.
Girl #1: Can I find it anywhere in the store?
Cheese counter guy: No, since it has preservatives, we don’t sell it here at Whole Foods.
Girl #2: No wonder my doctor doesn’t allow me to have them. –Whole Foods, Time Warner Center Overheard by: George

You Aren’t Being Served

Arts Club guy: Hello, young woman! How may I help you?
Shaved head woman: Uh…can we get some drinks?
Arts Club guy: This is a private club. We’re closed.
Shaved head woman: Well, I am a member.
Arts Club guy: If you were a member, you would know that we were closed. –National Arts Club, Gramercy Park South Overheard by: Olivia + Will Halman