Archive for 2005

Certifiable Mail Guarantees Insanity for $1 More

Mailman: I’m sorry sir, but I don’t know where this package is. It was undeliverable. It is not here.
Human man: I know. This is the third time I’ve been down here. So what do you want me to do?
Mailman: Sir?
Human man: What do you want me to do? Give up, keep coming back?
Mailman: Yes.
Human man: What? Give up?
Mailman: Yes.
Human man: You’re serious?
Mailman: Yes. –Post office, 34th & Lexington Overheard by: Fish

Trying to Fit In, post-Village People

Construction guy #1: Then we gotta fuckin’ knock down that bitch of a fuckin’ wall…in this fuckin’ humidity, can you fuckin’ believe they’re makin’ us do that shit?
Construction guy #2: I know. That fuckin’ shit is fuckin bullshit. We should fuckin’ kill the fuckin’ captain and shit, makin’ us take down a fuckin’ wall that we fuckin’ put up in the–
Construction guy #1: Ooh! Italian ices! –57th & 10th Overheard by: Peter Shankman

This is What Happens When You Ban Queer Scouts

Man with briefcase: Is the boss in?
Store guy: No. He’s in back. What do you want? Why?
Man with briefcase: Because I can help you. You need me. Does anyone owe you money?
Store guy: What?
Man with briefcase: Do you have any non-paying accounts? Has anyone been skipping payments?
Store guy: Why?
Man with briefcase: Because I run a collection service. Here’s my card. Does anyone owe you money? Do you need to collect money from anyone?
Store guy: Why? –Import/export store, 29th & 6th

Honey, Those Are So Clearly Friction Burns

Woman: My butt is burning! This seat is so hot! I can’t believe it! Not that I think you’re interested, but I just want you to know my butt is burning.
Man: Actually, I kind of am interested.

Woman: That’s the one downside of having such nice seats: they’re in the sun all day! Seriously, my butt is on fire!

–US Open