Archive for 2005

She’ll Never Make it to Banana Republic

Woman: Are these shirts still buy one, get one free?
Cashier lady: Um, I have no idea. Let me check. She goes check signs and asks managers. Cashier lady: No, they’re not. I’m not sure they ever were buy one, get one free.
Woman: Oh, I was just kidding. I wanted to see what you would say. I figured it was worth a shot.
Cashier lady: Oh, well thanks for making me walk all over the store for no reason.
Woman: That’s how you get success, honey. –The Gap, 18th & 5th

What a Perfect Venue to Discuss This In

Chick #1: I mean, you are like totally naked on a table from the waist down.
Chick #2: Were you totally embarrassed?
Chick #1: Well, it hurts so fucking much that you are like in pain shock, and you can’t even think about whether you are embarrassed or not.
Chick #2: Do you, like, talk to the woman?
Chick #1: What the fuck are you supposed to say? “How do you like my vagina?” And after she rips, she quickly presses down on my vag with her hand, as if that dulls the pain.
Chick #2: Oh, god.
Chick #1: Then she rubs you down in calamine lotion. –Burrito Box, 9th Avenue

“Here, have some milk.”

Little girl: Mommy, I feel very shaky.
Mommy: Well, I don’t think you had enough protein today. That’s why I tried to get you to eat the eggs instead of just the bacon.
Little girl: But I’m thirsty. –1 train