Archive for 2005

Gee, I Wonder What She’ll Grow Up to Be

Dad: Okay, pose for a picture honey! Hold your drink up!…Okay honey, look at the camera.
Little girl: But the sun is in my eyes.
Dad: Just look at the camera and I’ll take your picture…Look into the camera, honey!
Little girl: The sun hurts my eyes!
Dad: Just look into the camera really quick and I’ll take the picture. She does, with great discomfort. He takes a picture after about 15 seconds. Dad: That was awful. –Park Slope

Only 1 Month Until Illegal Christmas!

Street guy: Belts, watches, designer Bags! I got it all, step right up and buy, buy, buy! Everything just $10!
WASP woman: Careful, he probably stole most of it. Let’s not buy anything that’s been stolen.
WASP man: Sir, you know stealing is illegal?
Street guy: Hey, fuck you, man. Get the fuck out, I didn’t want your fuckin’ business anyways, faggot…stolen fucking goods for sale, stolen watches, stolen bads, stolen belts…! –42nd & 8th Overheard by: John Doe Patriot

Mary and Jesus Don’t Have Advice for You

Teen boy #1: So I gotta go home, change, and then meet her and go to church.
Teen boy #2: Who the hell goes to church on a Friday night? How often do you go to church?
Teen boy #1: Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays…sometimes Sundays.
Teen boy #2: Damn dude, when are you gonna have time to lose your virginity, dude?
Teen boy #1: That’s what I’m working on, man! –F train Overheard by: Geisa

Bridge v. Tunnel

Woman: Do your gay thing and get us up ahead of this line full of teenage girls!
Queer: All right! “Girl…I need to get me a t-shirt! Move this Long Island trash outta my way!”
Teen girl: Please! Whateva Jersey!
Woman: Oh my god! She knew you were from Jersey! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: J.Mo