Comic book guy: As soon as I get on the train I felt someone reach over and start mussing my hair. And without even looking up I said to myself, “Yup, that’s Lou”. He was going on the stairs–he was going to transfer for the N–and there were all these people yelling, “Oh my god! Someone got pushed into the tracks!” So he goes, “Well, looks like I’m taking the Q!” –Midtown Comics (east)
Girl with hideous fur hat: How were the interviews today?
Girl with birkenstocks and socks: They didn’t hire the black candidate. They suck.
Girl with hideous fur hat: Why not?
Girl with birkenstocks and socks: Because he had a big dick, duh.
Girl with hideous fur hat: Oh, OK. –5th Avenue & 54th Street Overheard by: Julia
Hispanic girl: …yeah, I like that, it’s cool, but do they have it in a 16?
White girl: I think they only have 12s and 6s left.
Hispanic girl: Well, I’m not really a 16. It’s just this huge ass I have here. If you don’t count that, I’m a 12. –Old Navy, Chelsea Girl #1: I didn’t ask to be born.
Girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t ask our parents to be born into this cold, hard, cruel world.
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: On top of everything I had to be born black too, and a woman!
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: …but I was born light-skinned and have a big ass! –Matsuri, Chelsea Overheard by: Tamika J.
Janeane Garofalo: …so I just cover my whole body in Gold Bond powder. –1st Ave. & 3rd St.
Woman on cell: …hon, she had a gut!
Little boy: Mom, chubby is the new black. –75th & Broadway
Teen #1: …yeah, so now Saddam Hussein’s on trial or whatever, and like–
Teen #2: Whoa, whoa! They captured Saddam Hussein?! When did this happen?!
Teen #1: Like a year ago, dumbass. Jeez you’re slow. Anyway– –1/9 34th St. Station
New Yorker: You drove like a maniac. Do you have any idea what the speed limit is in New York?
Cabbie: Cab drivers do not have speed limits in New York. –Lincoln Center Overheard by: Peter
A jazz singer was playing his set, and a girl yelled out her phone number. He yelled back: I ain’t gay, but it’s worth a shot. –55 Bar, Christopher St. Overheard by: Tyler Shields
British Lady: I have a sharp pain in my bladder.
British Guy: Maybe you’re pregnant.
British Lady: How would you know? –Empire State Building Overheard by: Katherine O’Brien
Chick #1: I have never been in love! Never never ever! Can you believe it?
Chick #2: Really? Wow! Well, look what’s out there.
Chick #1: I know! All the good ones are married, all the cute ones are gay, and the rest look like Shrek! All I want to do is meet a really sweet nice guy whos gorgeous and musical and creative and sweet like Jack White! Oh my god, he’s a god!
Chick #2: That White Stripes guy that punched someone out?
Chick #1: Yeah, he’s my idea of a perfect guy! God I love him!
Chick #2: Look! I got chocolate!
Chick #1: Yeah! Chocolate! –Otto’s Shrunken Head, East Village