Archive for 2005

Terror Alert Level: Brown

Guy #1: I had the runs the entire damn flight and some bitch flight attendant tells me to stop going back and forth to the bathroom.
Guy #2: What did she think, you were going to blow up the plane with your explosive diarrhea?
Guy #1: Well, one thing’s for sure: I left that toilet in a hell of a mess! –JFK Starbucks Overheard by: Justin Ackman

How I Spent My Morning Commute, by Michael Malice

Italian sister #1: I was coming here and this man fell down the stairs so I helped him. He kept falling down and falling down.
Italian sister #2: Was he old?
Italian sister #1: No, he was Chinese. Middle aged man. Italian sister #1: I’ve got that movie at home about the airport.
Italian sister #2: What? Oh, um, Terminal?
Italian brother: What’s that?
Italian sister #1: It’s got Catherine Zeta Jones and, um, what’s his name?
Italian brother: George Clooney?
Italian sister #1: No, he was in Forrest Gump. What’s his name? Italian sister #1: She’s proposing to her boyfriend. With a watch! And it’s not even a Rolex, it’s a Tag.
Italian brother: She’s proposing to her boyfriend?
Italian sister #1: Yeah. If you’re going to force your boyfriend to marry you, at least get him a Rolex. Plus she’s fat and ugly. If guys don’t propose, girls don’t know what to do. So they go get a Tag watch! Italian sister #2: Remember yesterday when that Chinese girl’s phone went off and it was a cat? I was like, “Dinner calling!”
Italian brother: That was funny. –D train