Archive for 2005

I’m Thankful I’m Alive

An unofficial memorial is covered with flowers, candles, cards and candy. Drunk girl #1: Hey, who wants a Blow Pop?
Drunk guy: Um…I dunno.
Drunk girl #2: Don’t. It’s bad luck to take candy from the dead.
Drunk girl #1: …Yeah, I guess you’re right. –3rd between A & B Overheard by: The Vouk Girl: Don’t die while I’m gone, okay?
Guy: Why not? –66th & Columbus

I’m Thankful for My Health

Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong. –Washington Square Park Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton! –2 train Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold. –18th & 5th Overheard by: basselope Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad… –Stop and Shop, Astoria Overheard by: Dan