Receptionist: It takes two shots to bring down a bengal tiger! Two! –20th Street office Overheard by: Animal Chick on cell: Oh, so honey, they aren’t actually tents for dogs; they’re just tiny display tents for the large ones. –North Face, 73rd & Broadway Woman: She feeds chickens to other chickens. It’s gross. It’s like, if there was a husband and wife, she would chop up the husband and feed him to the wife. –1/9 train
Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”. –Union Square station Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have! –6th Avenue salon Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck! –Park Slope
Hobo: …but don’t worry; us Republicans know what you’re up to! –Sullivan & W. 3rd Woman on cell: Uh huh…yeah…right…uh huh…uh huh…the one you thought was underwear…uh huh…right… –Lincoln Center Girl on cell: I am so not dressed for a strip club! –Times Square
Tourist: A small Coke, please.
Pizza guy: Coke is illegal. You’ll go to jail. How ’bout a Pepsi? –Port Authority Overheard by: Animal
Woman: He wouldn’t let me leave the store until I bought the champagne. So I bought it and went home and started drinking it, and it was the best stuff ever! I’d gone through half the bottle when I thought I should stop, so then I went over and gave it to the neighbors. –6 train
Woman: Why are you smiling and licking your lips at me? Do you do this to all the customers? –J & R Music World, Park Row Overheard by: mimi lester
Girl #1: She was so pretty.
Girl #2: Good pretty or bitchy pretty? Girl #1: Can you, like, recognize a nosejob when you see one?
Girl #2: Why? Are you thinking of getting one? You don’t need it.
Girl #1: No, I just wanted to go hang out someplace where people have had a lot of plastic surgery. –B61 bus
Husband: Sex with you is great, but it’s no substitute for pepperoni! –Stop & Shop supermarket, Ridgewood Overheard by: Dawn
A blonde bumpkin boy stared silently at the heavily tatooed skinhead for 10 minutes before he made his observation: You know what you are? You’re a human doodle pad! –PATH train to Hoboken Overheard by: Margo Channing
Girl: Why the fuck is that other train moving?
Boy: Because that train isn’t fucking defective.
Girl: Whatever. –1 train