Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita. –Broadway & Astor Place Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits. –M23 bus Overheard by: Jon Graboff Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here. –Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street Overheard by: james uphoff
Receptionist: It takes two shots to bring down a bengal tiger! Two! –20th Street office Overheard by: Animal Chick on cell: Oh, so honey, they aren’t actually tents for dogs; they’re just tiny display tents for the large ones. –North Face, 73rd & Broadway Woman: She feeds chickens to other chickens. It’s gross. It’s like, if there was a husband and wife, she would chop up the husband and feed him to the wife. –1/9 train
British guy: Two tickets to Grand Central, please. –Bowling Green station Overheard by: Kirsten Teasdale Woman on cell: I’m not going to punch her in the mouth, Danny. –Grand Central station Suit: You’re ruining my life, you pot-smoking whore! –34th & Broadway
Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”. –Union Square station Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have! –6th Avenue salon Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck! –Park Slope
Hobo: …but don’t worry; us Republicans know what you’re up to! –Sullivan & W. 3rd Woman on cell: Uh huh…yeah…right…uh huh…uh huh…the one you thought was underwear…uh huh…right… –Lincoln Center Girl on cell: I am so not dressed for a strip club! –Times Square
Guy on cell: They showed me the baby’s room and the crib had all these crazy functions I couldn’t understand. The baby even has a walk-in closet filled with clothes and it’s only 2 days old! They just bought a new stroller too…it probably has a built-in MP3, CD and DVD player. –Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: Astrid Vanderpool
Tourist: A small Coke, please.
Pizza guy: Coke is illegal. You’ll go to jail. How ’bout a Pepsi? –Port Authority Overheard by: Animal
Woman: He wouldn’t let me leave the store until I bought the champagne. So I bought it and went home and started drinking it, and it was the best stuff ever! I’d gone through half the bottle when I thought I should stop, so then I went over and gave it to the neighbors. –6 train
Woman: Why are you smiling and licking your lips at me? Do you do this to all the customers? –J & R Music World, Park Row Overheard by: mimi lester
Girl #1: She was so pretty.
Girl #2: Good pretty or bitchy pretty? Girl #1: Can you, like, recognize a nosejob when you see one?
Girl #2: Why? Are you thinking of getting one? You don’t need it.
Girl #1: No, I just wanted to go hang out someplace where people have had a lot of plastic surgery. –B61 bus