Old man: I don’t even like taking the subway anymore because the tiling is so disgusting. –28th Street station Overheard by: Nico Westerdale Guy: Every time I see him, I want to wash myself. –South Street seaport Queer on cell: Whores! You are W-H-O-R-E dash I-B-L-E. That’s what you are. You’re whore-ible. –50th between 8th & 9th
Bald spot chick: I’m bipolar, depressed, and I have a personality disorder, but the doctor says if I quit pulling out my hair he’ll change me from twenty-four medicines to nineteen. –Broadway & 51st Woman: I don’t care how blind you are, you gotta cover your ears when that happens. –23rd & 7th Woman: There aren’t enough websites for club-thumbs on the internet. –Midtown office
Thug: I need a girl who’s responsible and don’t got no kids. –40th & 5th Dude: Are we talking about the truth now? The truth is that you’re scared that she’s going to take your son away from you! –27th Street office Black guy on cell: Yeah, it was actually all right. We were both circumcised. –Union Square greenmarket Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci
Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita. –Broadway & Astor Place Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits. –M23 bus Overheard by: Jon Graboff Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here. –Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street Overheard by: james uphoff
Receptionist: It takes two shots to bring down a bengal tiger! Two! –20th Street office Overheard by: Animal Chick on cell: Oh, so honey, they aren’t actually tents for dogs; they’re just tiny display tents for the large ones. –North Face, 73rd & Broadway Woman: She feeds chickens to other chickens. It’s gross. It’s like, if there was a husband and wife, she would chop up the husband and feed him to the wife. –1/9 train
British guy: Two tickets to Grand Central, please. –Bowling Green station Overheard by: Kirsten Teasdale Woman on cell: I’m not going to punch her in the mouth, Danny. –Grand Central station Suit: You’re ruining my life, you pot-smoking whore! –34th & Broadway
Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”. –Union Square station Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have! –6th Avenue salon Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck! –Park Slope
Hobo: …but don’t worry; us Republicans know what you’re up to! –Sullivan & W. 3rd Woman on cell: Uh huh…yeah…right…uh huh…uh huh…the one you thought was underwear…uh huh…right… –Lincoln Center Girl on cell: I am so not dressed for a strip club! –Times Square
Guy on cell: They showed me the baby’s room and the crib had all these crazy functions I couldn’t understand. The baby even has a walk-in closet filled with clothes and it’s only 2 days old! They just bought a new stroller too…it probably has a built-in MP3, CD and DVD player. –Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: Astrid Vanderpool
Teen chick #1: Ooh, I know! Your nickname should be Che.
Teen chick #2: Huh?
Teen chick #1: You know, like that guy on the T-shirts. –Jamba Juice, Houston & Mercer