Archive for 2005

The European Union: Quite Important

Tourist guy #1: So what countries make up the Netherlands?
Guide: The Netherlands are one country. It’s also called Holland.
Tourist guy #1: Oh, yeah. Sorry. How about The Hague? Is that one of the countries in the Netherlands?
Guide: Ahhhhh.
Tourist guy #2: You’re all confused! It’s all about Benelux! That’s Holland, The Hague, and The Lux. They’re all sort of together in the EU.
Tourist #1: The EU?
Guide: …and right over there is Roosevelt Island.
Tourist #1: Oh, I’ve heard of that! Is that in New York or Brooklyn? –The UN Overheard by: Darko Vather

Wednesday One-liners for the KKK

Stumbling drunk: Viva Mexico! Fuck all the niggers! I hate niggers! Viva Mexico! –Union Square Woman: …and did you hear him say that he brainwashed my husband when he was in Iraq? –27th Street elevator Old junkie: You red-headed nigga! I saw you on 2nd street! You had an office…in somone’s funky ass! And you’re from Europe! –F train Overheard by: Ali

Moms Love Wednesday One-liners

Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink! –2/3 train Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass. –W. 53rd & 10th Overheard by: James Shannon Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly. –Angelo’s, 55th Street

Wednesday One-liners Are Bad Ideas

Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even! –Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know? –Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: PB Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?” –Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg Overheard by: Greg Rutter Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale! –41st & 7th

Two Sides of the Story: Wednesday One-liners

Guy: I asked her, “Do you have any retail experience?” and she answered, “No, but I used to sell my body.” –Stonehome Wine Bar, Lafayette Avenue, Brooklyn Overheard by: Anna Woman: I was two fisting, unfortunately. –APT, W. 13th Street Guy: I think he drank like a gallon of olive oil and some minerals, and he was shitting stones. –27th Street office

Wednesday One-liners: Cocks & Trains

Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better. –G train Overheard by: Ocera Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis? –E train Overheard by: Ting JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!” –Times Square shuttle Overheard by: Lizzy

Bloody Wednesday One-liners

Queer on cell: Yah, well, Terri Schiavo died this week, and so did the Pope. So it’s been a pretty good week. –Chumley’s, Bedford Street Overheard by: Initials Girl on cell: Fuckety fuck fuck, I forgot to put on a tampon this morning. Shit, shit, shit! I’m screwed, Lizette, I’m screwed. –Bensonhurst Girl on cell: Don’t walk in the blood! Don’t walk in the blood! Oh ah aah!…Thanks lady, thanks for walking in the blood. –Essex & Rivington Overheard by: Nicole A.