Archive for 2005

The European Union: Quite Important

Tourist guy #1: So what countries make up the Netherlands?
Guide: The Netherlands are one country. It’s also called Holland.
Tourist guy #1: Oh, yeah. Sorry. How about The Hague? Is that one of the countries in the Netherlands?
Guide: Ahhhhh.
Tourist guy #2: You’re all confused! It’s all about Benelux! That’s Holland, The Hague, and The Lux. They’re all sort of together in the EU.
Tourist #1: The EU?
Guide: …and right over there is Roosevelt Island.
Tourist #1: Oh, I’ve heard of that! Is that in New York or Brooklyn? –The UN Overheard by: Darko Vather

That Depends on Which One is Fatter

Asian girl: But see, pretty people don’t look for people who are gorgeous. If you’re good looking, you don’t need to look for someone cute. You don’t need to look for more of that.
Hispanic girl: Mm-hmm.
Asian girl: You know, you look for a complement to you in a relationship.
Hispanic girl: So which one of us is the ugly one? –14th & 3rd

Wednesday One-liners for the KKK

Stumbling drunk: Viva Mexico! Fuck all the niggers! I hate niggers! Viva Mexico! –Union Square Woman: …and did you hear him say that he brainwashed my husband when he was in Iraq? –27th Street elevator Old junkie: You red-headed nigga! I saw you on 2nd street! You had an office…in somone’s funky ass! And you’re from Europe! –F train Overheard by: Ali

Moms Love Wednesday One-liners

Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink! –2/3 train Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass. –W. 53rd & 10th Overheard by: James Shannon Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly. –Angelo’s, 55th Street

Wednesday One-liners Are Bad Ideas

Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even! –Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know? –Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: PB Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?” –Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg Overheard by: Greg Rutter Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale! –41st & 7th