Archive for 2005

I’d Finally Get to Have Sex

Guy #1: I wonder how much it would cost to get married in Vegas and then get an annulment the next day.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: I dunno. I’ve been thinking of doing that, just for fun.
Guy #3: What would be the point?
Guy #1: …what do you mean, “what would be the point”? –NYU dining hall

Hey, Have You Heard of This New Invention? It’s Called “Learning”.

Woman #1: …so some asshole put what I said about my sex life on this site,
Woman #2: What’s that?
Woman #1: Some website where people put up what they overhear.
Woman #2: Oh, don’t worry, nobody probably goes to those sites anyway.
Woman #1: Yeah, you’re probably right. –21st St. & 6th Ave. Overheard by: Tommy Wooh

How Not to Hook Up in NYC

Chick: I don’t get Spanish guys. They compliment you every time you pass them. They always say things like, “You have beautiful legs, in my country it is an honor for a woman to be told she has beautiful legs”. Well, you’re in NY now, honey, and I’m a bitch! –5th Ave. & 82nd St. Player: Excuse me miss, you’re even better looking than J. Lo. Can I have your autograph? –Fulton Street mall Hobo: Hey, you a pretty lady. You married?…I got food stamps! –Astoria Overheard by: mj

The ACLU Filed Suit Moments After

Conductor: Look, people. Okay. When we say “stay clear of the closing doors”, that means don’t push a closing door back open. Don’t stick your hands or feet in the door. You could lose an arm or a leg or get seriously hurt. These trains run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Holding a door open is not worth your life. Don’t hold the doors open when they are closing. This isn’t rocket science. God, it’s not even high school science. –1/9 train

Wednesday One-liners are Criminal

Homeboy: I don’t discriminate. If anyone messes with my family, or my kids, I’m taking their life. –Bx21 bus Overheard by: Fiona Chick on cell: I don’t know…I think I’m in Queens. The train’s above ground…I lost my keys and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’ll guess I’ll go in the same clothes…I don’t know what he does. I think something at night, though. I took his money. –7 train Girl on cell: That’s very nice to diagnose yourself like that but, really, fuck you…I still think you’re, like, a sociopath or something. –6th Ave. between 50th & 51st