Archive for 2005

I’d Finally Get to Have Sex

Guy #1: I wonder how much it would cost to get married in Vegas and then get an annulment the next day.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: I dunno. I’ve been thinking of doing that, just for fun.
Guy #3: What would be the point?
Guy #1: …what do you mean, “what would be the point”? –NYU dining hall

Hey, Have You Heard of This New Invention? It’s Called “Learning”.

Woman #1: …so some asshole put what I said about my sex life on this site, OverheardInNewYork.com.
Woman #2: What’s that?
Woman #1: Some website where people put up what they overhear.
Woman #2: Oh, don’t worry, nobody probably goes to those sites anyway.
Woman #1: Yeah, you’re probably right. –21st St. & 6th Ave. Overheard by: Tommy Wooh

How Not to Hook Up in NYC

Chick: I don’t get Spanish guys. They compliment you every time you pass them. They always say things like, “You have beautiful legs, in my country it is an honor for a woman to be told she has beautiful legs”. Well, you’re in NY now, honey, and I’m a bitch! –5th Ave. & 82nd St. Player: Excuse me miss, you’re even better looking than J. Lo. Can I have your autograph? –Fulton Street mall Hobo: Hey, you a pretty lady. You married?…I got food stamps! –Astoria Overheard by: mj

The ACLU Filed Suit Moments After

Conductor: Look, people. Okay. When we say “stay clear of the closing doors”, that means don’t push a closing door back open. Don’t stick your hands or feet in the door. You could lose an arm or a leg or get seriously hurt. These trains run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Holding a door open is not worth your life. Don’t hold the doors open when they are closing. This isn’t rocket science. God, it’s not even high school science. –1/9 train

Wednesday One-liners are Criminal

Homeboy: I don’t discriminate. If anyone messes with my family, or my kids, I’m taking their life. –Bx21 bus Overheard by: Fiona Chick on cell: I don’t know…I think I’m in Queens. The train’s above ground…I lost my keys and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’ll guess I’ll go in the same clothes…I don’t know what he does. I think something at night, though. I took his money. –7 train Girl on cell: That’s very nice to diagnose yourself like that but, really, fuck you…I still think you’re, like, a sociopath or something. –6th Ave. between 50th & 51st

Develop a Relationship with Wednesday One-liners

Woman: I’m so sick of boyfriends. I want to be single forever. Fingers and vibrators are it! –43rd St. & 10th Ave. Overheard by: Jenn X Girl on cell: I’m telling you, the MTA is like a bad boyfriend. You’re all dressed up and ready to go and the fucking train doesn’t even show up! And the worst part is the next time you totally show up again, ready to go and just have to hope to God that the stupid train shows up. What the hell is that? –45th & 8th Black girl: It felt like I was losing my virginity all over again. That was some King Kong kind of shit. –E train Overheard by: Philip

Wednesday One-liners Mean Business

Asian yuppie: I think Victoria’s Secret is turning into the new McDonald’s. –18th & 6th Guy: Oh man, Gristedes can suck me off! –Whole Foods, Union Square Chick on cell: She just got this amazing job where she can live anywhere she wants in the Midwest! –Prince & Broadway Lady: You don’t have plastic bags? This is New York! –Chipotle, E. 8th Street

Racialist Wednesday One-liners

Chick on cell: You know what’s weird? You’re a nigger but in pictures you look like a white boy. Why is that? –F train Overheard by: Julie Black guy on cell: They black people down there! I’m from New York, I don’t know nothing about black people! –Boerum Hill bodega A Black man with a cane approaches a white girl sitting on steps and says: Have you ever, since the day you were born till the minute you woke up this morning, desired a black man? –18th & 8th Girl: I don’t want to be racist. I mean, not out loud. –Broadway & Houston Cashier: I am so sick of Destiny’s Child! –Virgin Megastore, Union Square