Archive for 2005

You Dork! It’s Wednesday One-liners

Guy: So in your fantasy life you’re a scholar? That’s ridiculous! –Williamsburg party Store guy: I love maps! I could look at maps all day. Maps, and Playboy. –Barnes & Noble, W. 82nd Street Overheard by: Brooklyn Julie Guy on cell: Dude, we should bring lightsabers!…I brought my lightsaber for the last two… –27th & 3rd Chick: I could get 100 phone numbers in one night if I went to a sci-fi convention! –Serendipity, E. 60th Street Overheard by: Djlindee

Shalom, Wednesday One-liners

Crazy Hasid: Who are the three greatest Jewish lawyers of all time? Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Johnny Cochran, Alan Dershowitz. Who are the three greatest doctors of all time? Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Alan Dershowitz. –F train Overheard by: bluesdog Jewess on cell: You know, I love Great Neck, but I don’t know. I have to consider it. I’m not super Jewish and he’s not super Jewish. And you know how Jews are. They can be nice to non-Jews, but they can be caustic to other Jews. –Union Square Lady: I just don’t get smoking, or people who smoke…smoking and bacon; I don’t get it. –UWS elevator Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Baby, It’s Wednesday One-liners

Woman on payphone: I totally woulda done it too, I woulda kicked her ass…I’m telling you if that bitch wasn’t pregnant I woulda killed her. So instead I just punched the bitch. –19th & 6th Overheard by: Kaitlyn Meehan Producer: Hey, you look like a psychotic baby. Maybe you should grow a bit of the hair back and a bit of the goatee back. –27th Street office Pregnant girl: I’m gonna have me a big bottle of E&J mixed with Hennessy after I have my baby. –Highbridge Overheard by: Kaitlen Man on cell: Are you crazy? She can’t control a six pound dog and you want her to have your baby? –46th & 8th Overheard by: Renee Florence

Build a Relationship with Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Every time I date Greek men I get fat…Every single time! –South Cove, Battery Park City Guy on cell: I know man, sometimes I wish you were her husband instead of me. –Starbucks, Union Square West Overheard by: alison Chick on cell: …so I said, “Stop calling me. It was a one night stand.” –F train Black queer: So who is this guy, anyway? Has anybody even met this guy you say you’re dating? Or is he like that “Bob” guy you put in your car so you can drive in the H.O.V. lane? –Times Square Guy: She has…two one-eyed cats. She’s never getting engaged. –Madison Square Park

Even a Penny Helps, Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: She’s fine, I’d fuck her…her too. And that one. And….ooh, not her, you can have that one. –Madison Square Park Old hobo: Who the fuck said black people are dangerous? The next person I hear say that I am throwing in the next dumpster! –40th & 8th Hobo: People, if you do not have a useable skill and/or a good pussy, you do not get that train ticket home! –Times Square

Wednesday One-liners, For Chrissakes

Crazy lady: I spent two years single, and then I met Jesus. And Jesus and I have been together for four years. And Jesus never forgets to call and check in once in awhile. He says, “Hey, how you doin’?”. –Sunnyside Overheard by: Mikey Guy: He was into wearing slippers without socks. Like Jesus. –Union Square station Subway preacher: Jay Z ain’t gonna save ya! Jesus’ll save ya! –West 4th Street station

You’re Dreaming If You Think They’re Interesting

Chick #1: One of my friend’s moms has unholy thoughts about Charlie Rose.
Chick #2: One of my friends has dreams about having sex with her family’s minivan. And not humping the side of it, either. We’re talking full on, riding the stick-shift sex. Hmmm.
Chick #1: We run with an interesting crowd. –1 train Overheard by: Djlindee