Archive for 2005

C’mon Gawker Stalker, Get in Gear!

Wannabe model on cell: … and I was on the dance floor, and Gisele was dancing next to me…No, Leo wasn’t there but I was totally dancing next to Gisele and you know what? She like totally can’t dance! I mean, I totally looked hotter than her on the dance floor! I mean, I think she was like on drugs or something! I just couldn’t believe that Gisele can’t dance! –48th & 6th

Better Check for That Foreskin

Man: …and he might give us that cat he was talking about.
Wife: We are not getting a cat.
Man: But you’d love this cat! It has such a great personality!
Wife: Alan, stop the sales pitch, we’re not getting a cat, we’re not getting a dog–
Man: This cat even looks a little like you, it’s got your complexion and everything!
Wife: I thought you said it was a Jewish cat! I thought you said it was a Jewish cat! –Port Authority

Tastes Nothing Like Chicken

Black guy #1: How’d you know the tornado was by your house?
Black guy #2: ‘Cause I walked out back and the tree was blowing like a fuck. Then I walked out front and the wind wasn’t even blowing.
Black guy #1: Damn, cuz. But anyway, since you’re from the country, how do I get these pigeons to go away?
Black guy #2: With a hot grill. –Astoria Overheard by: Dj wan-two

M&M’s Have Some Effect, Fattie

Fat guy #1: She’s blonde…really tall…
Fat guy #2: Who is she?
Fat guy #1: The nanny. But I think she does drugs.
Fat guy #2: Oh yeah? How do you know? Dilated pupils?
Fat guy #1: Yep. But I don’t think she does it a lot. Just on the weekends.
Fat guy #2: Well, if you start taking ‘em more than that it’s like eating M&M’s: no effect!
Fat guy #1: Heh, heh.
Fat guy #2: You know, it’s like a toilet. You gotta let the water build up again before you can flush it. –7 train Overheard by: Marissa Rich

Who’s. Your. Mommy.

Woman: …he’s been practicing for weeks and weeks and weeks, maybe months. We’re going to stay for an hour, and when we leave–and during the whole show–we have to be very, very quiet. Like a mouse. OK?
Girl: Yes, Eliza.
Woman: What’s my name?
Girl: Eliza.
Woman: And what’s my other name, my special name just for you?…Mommy, OK? My name is Mommy. –M7 bus