Archive for 2005

Mortified Laughter: The Cure for Boredom

Two guys and a girl enter the hospital and ask for the restroom. A few minutes later as they’re leaving the building the security guard talks to them. Security guard: That’ll be $20.
Guy: What?
Security guard: Ain’t nothing for free at the hospital…unless you have an insurance card. Have a good night folks! –Mount Sinai hospital, 5th Avenue Overheard by: Vanilla World-famous doctor: Do you know what I love? Dyslexic Black people. For instance, the other day a Black guy stopped me in his car as I was walking and asked me, “How do I get to the FRD?”. –Tisch hospital, 33rd Street

Overheard Goes to the Midnight Premiere

Stormtrooper: Man, I can’t even move in this thing. Star Wars geek #1: They said no dueling.
Star Wars girlfriend: No lightsaber duels?
Star Wars geek #2: No, the’re no lightsaber dueling in the theater.
Star Wars geek #1: But they’re dueling.
Star Wars girlfriend: Yeah, but he’s Yoda. Lady: Look, I’ve been saving this seat since Attack of the Clones. Dude: Cool lightsaber.
Dork: Thanks.
Dude: Where’d you get it? Geek.com?
Dork: No. Borders. –Ziegfeld theater, 54th Street Nerd: At this point, my expectations are so low, as long as Darth Vader’s in it and a lot of people get killed, I’ll be happy. –Ziegfeld theater, 54th Street Overheard by: Todd Seavey Fanboy: That was great. Now all we need is the technology from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to erase the first two. –Ziegfeld theater, 54th Street Overheard by: Jaybill McCarthy

It’s Not You, It’s Me (& Wednesday One-liners)

Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!” –Central Park sailboat pond Overheard by: Sarahvb Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce! –Rockefeller Park Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers. –6 train Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight. –Union Square Overheard by: Julia Wright Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk. –6 train Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough. –Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends. –Times Square Overheard by: djlindee

Wednesday One-liners Appeal to the Prurient Interest

Teen boy: Dude, if Chelsea ever spread her legs, bats would fly out. –1 train Guy: Getting a blow job from her was like fucking a blow up doll. –4th & A Overheard by: cio Guy: 50,000 people?! By the law of averages, I should get some! –81st & Broadway Guy on cell : Listen, the manager said he wants to see anal and he wants to see swallow… –55th & Broadway Overheard by: Marko Guy: For all the years I’ve lived in New York, most of the girls I’ve taken home have been from the subway. –Washington Heights FedEx guy: It felt like 100 miles between kissing her and fucking her. –48th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: John Gullotta