Archive for 2005

Those Meals Aren’t Quite McHalal

Hobo: Help me out, get me something to eat.
Girl: Can I buy you something from the deli?
Hobo: No…I can’t eat anything from there. I’m gonna get a Happy Meal. See, I pray seven times a day. Yeah, we Muslims can’t eat anything from there. Can you spare some change so I can get a Happy Meal?
Girl: No. –Broadway & 92nd Overheard by: Hannah Elka

It’s Pronounced “Adultery”

Girl #1: So I want to get married but he won’t move out of his neighborhood.
Girl #2: What, does he have like agoraphobia or something?
Girl #1: I think it’s more like that Seinfeld episode.
Girl #2: Seinfeld had agoraphobia? –Staten Island ferry Overheard by: Paola Suarez-Papp

The Mayoral Contest in One Scene

A crazy man is walking around with headphones and a walkman trying to interview people, using the walkman as a microphone. Crazy man: Who loves New York? I love New York! How about you…Who loves New York? He holds the “mic” up to the guy. Guy: Is this for ABC?
Crazy man: Fuck ABC, Fuck NBC, Fuck CBC. This is me. Who loves New York? –31st & 6th Overheard by: P. Mills

It Was Crying So Hard It Was Bleeding

Teen boy: I’m sorry my vagina is so disgusting.
Teen girl: Me too. I’m sorry it doesn’t make you happy.
Teen boy: Me fucking too. It was crying today. Could you hear it?
Teen girl: Yeah, I could see tears falling out of your pants. –Times Square

Let’s Get It On, Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: She is worse than blow, man…I can never have sex with anyone else ever again now that I’ve had a taste of paradise. –Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd Chick on cell: So how come you never told me about this other girl you are dating? She’s from work? You have to tell me these things! You can’t just keep this shit from me…wait, so you just fucked her and now it’s over? That’s how it is? Why are you telling me this? You can’t just tell me this! –Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway Overheard by: Douglas Dukeman Chick on cell: I swear to you, Matt was an animal in bed last night, but Kelly was much better. –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: Sophia