Archive for 2005

NYC: One Fucking Big Happy Family

Drunk White hobo: Aw man, fucka that shit.
Hispanic deli chef: Man, you don’t have to say that to me. I am your brother.
Drunk White hobo: You’re right, brother…I am sorry, my brother. –34th street deli between 8th & 9th Black dude #1: Shut up, nigga.
Black dude #2: What the fuck. Don’t call me nigga. I’m Puerto Rican. Call me a spic.
Black dude #3: Stop using that offensive language! No wonder everyone on this train is staring at us. We are all God’s children. We all bleed the same. Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Pardon?
Black dude #3: Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Well, yes.
Black dude #3: You see! –1 train

It’s Just Dry Cleaning, Lady

Power suit woman on cell: No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Are you listening to me? I said no! Absolutely not…Why are we arguing about this? Are you listening to me? No. No. You never listen to me. You never listen…Fine. Fine. Do whatever you have to do. But let me tell you this: if you ever thought that I loved you, you have been kidding yourself for a long time! –50th & 6th Overheard by: joe jervis

Wednesday One-liners & Missed Connections

Man on pay phone: Maria! I just got out of the doctor’s office. They told me I have herpes and I got them from you! –34th Street station Overheard by: Cristalle Stutrud Woman: You wiped your nose with a tissue, held a tissue in the same hand, and then put your hands all over my papers. What’d you think I was going to do? –Penn Station Player: Yo, baby. New York’s a scary place. How about you hold my hand going down the street and make us both feel better? –34th & 7th Fat dude on cell: Girl, take that fucking dildo out of your pussy and talk to me! –4th Street between 1st & 2nd Overheard by: Andrea Quijano Fratboy: Zack is cool, until he starts grabbing my ass. –Bensonhurst Crazy man: You know what your problem is? You’re not drinking enough milk…from a penis! –South Street Seaport Overheard by: Victor Preuninger

Wednesday One-liners Are Dead

Girl: Oh my gosh! You know what would be awesome? If lightning struck you, and you like got a permanent tan. –34th & 8th Overheard by: Glynnis Woman: These invitations are really important! I mean, not only am I turning 40, but it’s a year to the day that I almost died! –Staples, Union Square Little girl: Hey Mom, there are dead people here too! –X1 bus Irish guy: Oh, what people don’t realize is that the Indians are
everywhere. They’re sprinkled around everywhere. –First Prince Copy Center, Prince Street

Wednesday One-liners Wanna Get High

Goth boy: Either I just saw Gollum eating sushi off of Rose Cotton’s naked body, or I am coked up to the gills! –E train Overheard by: Biff Largemeats Chick: Ya know, I gotta say, you really do need to take drugs to be interesting. ‘Cuase without ‘em, you’re really boring. –Rue B, Avenue B Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci Guy: I can’t do acid but I can do shrooms. Especially shroom tea. –Houston & Essex Overheard by: Joel Artsy girl: It’s made me so much more creative, and that’s, like, so much more important for my art than anything else. And the buzz is great, too. –14th & 5th Guy: Oh I always have a Metrocard on me…they’re great for cutting up coke. –Astor Place station Chick: It’s not like there’s a moral high ground when it comes to methadone. –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Sara Beane Girl on cell: I know, that’s the worst! You have to try that towel-on-the-floor thing, and that never works. –18th & 5th Overheard by: jaykayess

Wednesday One-liners Know How to Get Around

Bus driver: The stop after this will be the next one. We should be arriving in a week to ten days. –M42 bus Overheard by: Dan Alcalde Transit cop: I guess I’ll pretend to do something here. –Queens Plaza station Conductor: Passengers, please do not use your valuables, or your child, to stop the train doors from closing! –1 train Black guy: I got me a ghetto Gold Card, son. It’ll get you on the train, it’ll get you on the bus. –A train Overheard by: Timothy C Loudspeaker: Would anyone that speaks Chinese please report to the Amtrak Information booth in the center of the Terminal? Anyone that speaks Chinese. –Penn Station Overheard by: P. Mills Chick: The cabdriver wouldn’t let us leave the cab unless I showed him
my tits. That is so my away message tomorrow! –LIRR train Overheard by: Steve Carbo Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the delay in landing the aircraft, but the air traffic controller here at LaGuardia is an angry, bitter man. –over LaGuardia Overheard by: Dana Clair

Wednesday One-liners Hate Those Big Corporations

British chick: Now not only do I have to blow up Bank of America, I now have to blow up Macy’s. –27th Street office Teenage girl shaking her fist: Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah! –76th & Broadway Overheard by: Chella Woman: I feel like I’m in eastern Europe. This Duane Reade is ghetto. –Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th Woman: So I was like, “Move your hand! What is this, Cinemax?” –Times Square