Archive for 2005

They Save the Steamy Stuff for the DVD

Girl #1: Oh my God, I watched American Treasure last night.
Girl #2: What, no good?
Girl #1: Oh my God it was horrible.
Girl #2: The trailer made it look kind of cool.
Girl #1: That’s what I thought too. But then you actually watch it and there’s nothing about American currency. –Bar 288, Elizabeth Street Overheard by: Margaret

What They Use That Money For (2 NYC Short Stories)

Hobo: Can anyone help me get something to eat? Please please someone, please, help me out with something to eat?
Woman: Would you like a slice of pizza?
Hobo: Not now, baby! –1 train Overheard by: Susan Volchok Hobo: I need money to get food, and a haircut and an ID.
Guy: You’re gonna use it for drugs.
Hobo: No! I hate that. Why do people yell out “drugs”?
Woman: ’cause you look high. The hobo leaves the car, experiences a moment of l’esprit d’escalier, and returns. Hobo: Well, hello to you miss. –D train

The Bats Turn Them Corky

Caribbean guy: Hey, I’m looking for a Jason Ghi-ambi baseball bat.
Store guy: An autographed bat?
Caribbean guy: I’m not paying fifty dollars for no bat.
Store guy: What do you need the bat for?
Caribbean guy: I just really need to bash someone’s head in, you know what I’m saying?
Store guy: You don’t need a Jason Giambi bat for that. Any of these bats can be used for bashing someone in the head. –Triangle Sports, Flatbush Overheard by: Owen

Griping About the Priest (A NYC Short Story)

Junk shop owner: No coffee?
Lady #1: We’ll have coffee tomorrow. Thursday.
Junk shop owner: Coffee at Starbucks is $5. Special coffee. Why don’t you go to your house, then your house, and your house?
Lady #2: Why don’t we come here?
Junk shop owner: You pick a date. I’ll sell you 4 chairs, $5.
Lady #2: What, you sit on them, they break?
Junk shop owner: We don’t sell chairs that break. How many people were in church? 10? I hear he’s gonna start counting how many people are going. What are they gonna do, close the church? Doesn’t anybody have a hook in the Father, know what’s going on?
Lady #1: Nobody goes anymore.
Junk shop owner: He has no activities for the people in the neighborhood! No card parties, no bingo…$150 per kid to make communion! Where the hell do you come off making a price like that?
Lady #2: I never heard of that.
Junk shop owner: Well, you heard it now. –Carroll Gardens