Archive for 2005

His Aberrant Sex Practice is Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: Can you imagine having sex with a two year old and a three year old at the same time? –79th & 5th Overheard by: Jackie College chick: So, best case scenario she thinks you’re a lesbian. Worst case scenario, she thinks you’re a child molester. –M16 bus Chick: Oh yeah, ’cause we all know how I like to swap spit. With random people…like the cleaning ladies. –FIT

Always Complaining About Wednesday One-liners

Lady: I don’t like to parallel park…it messes up my hair. –61st & Madison Guy: Seriously, you are being ridiculous. You need to calm the fuck down. You still have 2 more stops and what are your expectations with that outfit? Let me off. –L train Man on cell: I served lemonade for 6 hours! It wasn’t fucking bartending! It sucked! –61st & 3rd Chinese chick: Oh, I don’t watch baseball. I just recently found out what a home run is. I used to think they would, like, run home, and I was like, what the fuck is the point of that? –B6 bus Man on cell: Are you a fucking retard or do you just play one in real life? –Penn Station Girl: I don’t know why I pay for the internet. The only sites I ever use are Friendster, Craigslist and Overheard In New York and I’ll be honest, sometimes they just don’t do it for me. –2 train Punk chick: …hate it when my dirt washes off. It keeps me warm. –St. Mark’s between 1st & A Chick: You’re not the one who had to teach a fucking dance class from 9 to 5. I had to teach dance from 9 to 5. And I have to do it again tomorrow. I don’t wanna fucking dance anymore. I have tendonitis! –12th & 3rd Overheard by: Domi & Rachel

Wednesday One-liners are a Special Area

Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick! –6th Avenue & 9th Street Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell. –43rd & 5th Overheard by: James Wilson Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin. –Port Authority Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now. –4 train Overheard by: LatiE Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.” –38th & 3rd Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything. –Maiden Lane & Pearl Street Overheard by: SKG Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee. –25th & 5th Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff. –50th & Madison Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores! –SI party Overheard by: Rebecca Dash

Wednesday One-liners Go Off on Rants

Hobo: Oh shit, baboons. They might bite me. I gotta be careful! –54th & 7th Crazy lady: Of course, as you can see, there are Fiddlywumps in there, and that’s the number one sign that you should leave the area immediately. –14th & 7th Crazy man: You know how da fish swibbles as it follows da current on da waves? It’s a baddacudda outta control. Dat’s what happens in ya mind. Ya know, da mind waves? –42nd & 6th Wheeltard: I’m a fucking genius! I’m a fucking genius! Hitler was amazing, everyone hail Hitler! –7th Avenue & Grove Hobo: Man, I’m going to fuckin’ Hong Kong. I’m sick of dodging bullets every day. –110th & Morningside Drive Overheard by: Laird Taxi driver: There’s too many fucking buses in this city! And they all empty! And now you going to go kill all the Arabs for the gas for the empty fucking buses! –5th Avenue cab Overheard by: Megan E. Crazy guy: Geraldo Rivera and his army. Is his wife in there? Bring her too. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: KJD Crackhead: I can’t get married because first they took the land from the Indians and then they tried to take money from the poor and eliminate races! –40th & Park Overheard by: Vanessa

Wednesday One-liners Run Afoul of the Law

Black guy: It really tore me up to have to beat that nigga with a chair. –Times Square Drunk: Fuck getting arrested! I don’t care! But my point is this… –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Todd Seavey Guy: See, Francie? See how it’s all pink around the nail? That’s from jabbing my thumb into that guy. –48th & 1st Guy on bike: …and she said, “What are you going to do, shoot me?” and that was the last thing she ever said. –Forest Hills Old White lady: Oh no, I didn’t get any blood on me, I stayed away from the action. I was the one doing the shooting. –Aaron Davis Hall, Convent Avenue Guy on cell: You’re in Florida? You’re driving back right? Get me a nine!…I don’t give shit where you buy it from, get me a nine milimeter. For real, all those southern states you’re driving through, you can get one from somewhere! –DeMarco’s Pizza, Houston Street

The Mother of All Wednesday One-liners

Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties? –1st Avenue & 10th Street Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother? –47th & 9th Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any. –Brooklyn Heights Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know. –F train Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like. –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Vic Payback Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger? –LIRR Overheard by: CMichaels Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap. –Barney’s, Madison Avenue