Archive for 2005

I Think I’m Going to Be Sick

Girl #1: She looks so good now, though!
Girl #2: Yeah, well, if she would keep a meal down once in a while she might not… –9th Avenue & Little West 12th Street Overheard by: Wyatt Neumann Girl #1: They were all wondering why I wasn’t eating, and they kept asking me to eat something, so I just finally had a sandwich to shut them up. So when I went back to the hotel, I threw up.
Girl #2: I totally understand, I would have done the same thing. –NYSC locker room, 23rd & Park

Wednesday One-liners Love Their Sports

Guy: I was never any good at sports…I’ve watched the Superbowl a few times. –Flatiron office Lady on phone: Yeah, they have seat fillers at the Oscars and other award shows, you didn’t know that? It’s so when they pan over the audience it doesn’t look like a Mets game. –40th Street office Overheard by: Clay Caviness Guy: I’m not going to be the only guy at the hockey party holding an apple turnover. –Broadway & Prince Overheard by: Christopher Miner

Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Talking Without a Lawyer

Guy: Just because I got a felony doesn’t mean I’m going to jail. –outside Kew Gardens Criminal Courthouse Overheard by: Scott Bee Man walking down the street with a wooden square around his neck says: I’m an innocent man! I’ve been framed, I’m tellin’ ya! –Carmine & Bleecker Black guy: Yo, do y’all got $6? Whoa, whoa, listen, I’m Black but I’m no criminal! –Penn Station Overheard by: Erica Gridelli

Wednesday One-liners Have Questions About NY

Tourist guy: We’re staying down on Two Avenue. Now do they say Two Avenue or Second Avenue here? –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Chess Tourist woman: We’re in Manhattan, right? –Times Square Tourist girl: Can’t we like, just call a cab? You know, like, “Hi, we need a cab, pick us up here?” –42nd between Broadway & 6th Overheard by: Heather Hunter Tourist guy: Do they just breed dogs smaller here, or what? –Broadway & Astor Overheard by: jillypickle

Those Jews and Their Wednesday One-liners

Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York? –61st & 5th Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen Tourist girl: What’s a knish? I don’t know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one? –Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery, Houston Street White girl: There’s really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys…Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they’re pretty much the same. –184th & Bennett Girl: I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on! –French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street Overheard by: Dottie McFarland

Wednesday One-liners Are Ready to Order

Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don’t speak English so they didn’t understand what you wanted. –ESPNZone, Times Square Overheard by: Rachel W Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn’t swollen at all. They was tellin’ me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin’ rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone. –M train A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere. –Indochine, Lafayette Street Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, “What’s the problem?”. –47th & 9th Overheard by: JH Woman: Can you please make sure it’s a boy lobster? I’m only into boys, and don’t want to eat a girl. –Austin ale house, Kew Gardens Overheard by: tom Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don’t pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Alita