Archive for 2005

I’ll Take That Bet

Guy #1: It’s really great that we have Central Park, you know? It makes the city so great in the summer.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know. It’s great to be this close to nature.
Girl: Also, the trees must make a lot of oxygen for the city.
Guy #1: That is true.
Guy #2: I bet some of it also comes from Jersey. –Central Park Overheard by: Lora

Interesting How This is New

Manicuree #1: I learned something new about myself today–
Manicuree #2: Oh, what was that?
Manicuree #1: –at my gynecologist’s office.
Manicuree #2: Hmm?
Manicuree #1: I learned that I need an extra long speculum for my pelvic exams. –Astoria nail salon

I’m Sure He Has Just the Job for Her

Black guy #1: She’s beautiful. Somewhere between Faith Evans and Beyonce.
Black guy #2: Faith Evans? That don’t sound beautiful.
Black guy #1: Well you know, shape of the face is like Faith, and she’s got that hair and skin like Beyonce. But she’s really smaller than Faith. Her body is amazing. She’s Caribbean.
Black guy #2: Oh. Yes. Caribbean. They do good work.
Black guy #1: Mm-hmm. They do good work all right. Good work! –Madison Square Park

The End of Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Hey, lady, you need to slow the fuck down…your dog needs to take a fuckin’ dump…just look at his swollen-ass asshole! –Times Square Indian woman on cell: You are a terrible, terrible man. You are a horrible shit of piece. –60th between Lexington & 3rd Overheard by: Navyboy Guy: If she was a dinosaur, she’d be an assaraptus. –Astoria Overheard by: shane matthews Lady on cell: OK, so you know Alisha? She’s Poop’s best friend…yeah, Poop. –77th & Lexington Overheard by: marissa Wife: I’m just saying say, “excuse me.” I ain’t asking you to hold it in or nothing; it’s a natural part of life. I mean, if you need to let it out, let it out. I’m just saying say, “excuse me.” Have some damn manners. We fart, we all fart, but just say, “excuse me.” –Central Park Overheard by: Alex Liebman Guy: I will say this: butts are weird, and fickle. You can put that in your dissertation. –111th between Broadway & Amsterdam Overheard by: djlindee

Wednesday One-liners for the Kiddies

Guy: So, I went on this audition, and they asked me, “Can you juggle and ride a unicycle?”. I mean, I can juggle, and I can ride a unicycle, but I can’t do both at once, I’m not a skills clown. Basically, my skill is falling. I can fall really well. –A train Overheard by: Berit J. Girl: Mommy, what’s the opposite of hair? –86th & Broadway Overheard by: Stuart Weisberg Mom: Don’t you know this is the liberry, not the cry-berry? –The Fordham Library Center Tween girl: …and the one Winnie the Pooh had a nice body… –Bryant Park Overheard by: Jason B. Schmidt Guy: …if my wife and I spit at the kids, nothing happens…but if a llama does they burst into tears. –53rd & 6th Overheard by: J-Mo British guy: Can’t be more worse than having a baby every six months. –116th & Lexington Boy: Mommy, how many hours are in a mile? –44th & 8th Overheard by: BBW