Archive for 2005

It’s Probably More Like Thirty-seconds

Suit #1: I screwed one of the new piece of ass last night.
Suit #2: You mean the li’l one, the new one?
Suit #1: Yeah, Jen, the new girl on 15.
Suit #2: Dude, I just smashed her the other day at lunch! Are you fucking kidding me?
Suit #1: You’re clean, right?…’cause I’m going back for seconds. –75th & Lexington

John Bolton Seems to Have Lost His Bearings

Tourist guy: Yo, where’s the main road around here?
NY guy: Huh? Main road?
Tourist guy: Yeah, you know, the main drag. I don’t know where the fuck I am, so I figure I’ll find the main road and go from there.
NY guy: Well, where are you trying to go?
Tourist guy: Just the main fucking road, man. Where’s that?
NY guy: This is New York. They’re pretty much all main roads. I mean, look at the traffic.
Tourist guy: They can’t all be main roads.
NY guy: OK. What about Broadway?
Tourist guy: I was just on Broadway. There’s nothing there. Where’s Times Square?
NY guy: It’s right on Broadway.
Tourist guy: No, it’s not, dude! I was just there and there’s nothing there!
NY guy: OK, look. You wanna get to Times Square?
Tourist guy: At least that would be something.
NY guy: Fine. Turn around and walk back to Broadway–
Tourist guy: I don’t want to go on Broadway! What’s over there?
NY guy: The East River. The U.N.
Tourist guy: Fuck that. –38th & 5th

Back to School, Wednesday One-liners

Guy: I want to go to FIT so I can hook up with girls. –27th & 7th Girl: I mean, I got shat on at Harvard. –9th Street & 2nd Avenue Overheard by: Kamran Javadizadeh Woman: Is there a special event going on at Columbia this summer? Because I’ve seen a lot of Asians around. –116th & Broadway Overheard by: Carrie Hipster girl: I mean, I’ve got like, over 160 facebook friends. Does that not mean anything? –56th & 6th Overheard by: Joyce Shen Sociology professor: No one knows what the hell Derrida is talking about, but we all pretend we do anyway. –Columbia Overheard by: djlindee

Wednesday One-liners Use Safety Scissors

Girl: If she were dead, she would have called, right? –83rd & York Overheard by: Will Suit: Well see, I’ve always either been single or in a relationship. –Duane & Broadway Overheard by: McGins Guy on cell: Yeah, what he said made us sound stupid. But it made me sound even stupider! –Broadway & Bleecker Overheard by: jillypickle Girl on cell: Hello? No, you have the wrong number…Hello? No, I told you you had the wrong number. What are you, illiterate? –M train Overheard by: Jane Guy: Yo, I never knew Dean Koontz wrote books in Spanish. He’s mad smart! And Bill Clinton, too! –Barnes & Noble libros en espanol section, Union Square McChick: Would you like that “with cheese”, or without “with cheese”? –McDonald’s, 44th and Lex Man: Oh shit, it’s raining outside too? –Office, 40th & 3rd Overheard by: Colin F.