Archive for 2005

It’s Probably More Like Thirty-seconds

Suit #1: I screwed one of the new piece of ass last night.
Suit #2: You mean the li’l one, the new one?
Suit #1: Yeah, Jen, the new girl on 15.
Suit #2: Dude, I just smashed her the other day at lunch! Are you fucking kidding me?
Suit #1: You’re clean, right?…’cause I’m going back for seconds. –75th & Lexington

John Bolton Seems to Have Lost His Bearings

Tourist guy: Yo, where’s the main road around here?
NY guy: Huh? Main road?
Tourist guy: Yeah, you know, the main drag. I don’t know where the fuck I am, so I figure I’ll find the main road and go from there.
NY guy: Well, where are you trying to go?
Tourist guy: Just the main fucking road, man. Where’s that?
NY guy: This is New York. They’re pretty much all main roads. I mean, look at the traffic.
Tourist guy: They can’t all be main roads.
NY guy: OK. What about Broadway?
Tourist guy: I was just on Broadway. There’s nothing there. Where’s Times Square?
NY guy: It’s right on Broadway.
Tourist guy: No, it’s not, dude! I was just there and there’s nothing there!
NY guy: OK, look. You wanna get to Times Square?
Tourist guy: At least that would be something.
NY guy: Fine. Turn around and walk back to Broadway–
Tourist guy: I don’t want to go on Broadway! What’s over there?
NY guy: The East River. The U.N.
Tourist guy: Fuck that. –38th & 5th