Archive for 2005

How Was Your First Day of School, New York?

Guy: What were you doing studying on the first fucking day of school? You didn’t even have your books yet. What the fuck were you studying? Studying nothing. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Ken Yapelli Dad: Two more pairs? What do you have now, like, 19 pairs?
Daughter: But these are different.
Dad: Fine, but this must be all you need then, right? We won’t have to do anymore shopping for the whole school year, right?
Daughter: Well, I’m not sure about that. I may need some later.
Dad: Why? You only have one butt! –Marshall’s, Atlantic Avenue Mall Overheard by: Jake Abraham

Honey, Those Are So Clearly Friction Burns

Woman: My butt is burning! This seat is so hot! I can’t believe it! Not that I think you’re interested, but I just want you to know my butt is burning.
Man: Actually, I kind of am interested.

Woman: That’s the one downside of having such nice seats: they’re in the sun all day! Seriously, my butt is on fire!

–US Open

My Shit Only Has Dental Coverage

Guy #1: So she fine?
Guy #2: Yeah, man, and get this, dog: she’s got full benefits!
Guy #1: Yo man, you better marry that shit! –Elevator, 42nd & Madison Overheard by: Manny M Girl #1: So $120 of antibiotics later, my cat should be just fine.
Girl #2: Doesn’t your cat have health insurance?
Girl #1: Yes, but it doesn’t cover prescription drugs.
Girl #2: Do they offer that type of coverage?
Girl #1: If anyone’s getting an optional rider prescription drug plan in my apartment, it’s going to be me. –Inwood Overheard by: Melissa Mink

She was the One in the Wheelchair, Idiot

Dude #1: …This girl was so fucking hot. I went up to her and asked her if she wanted to dance. She said, “I don’t dance” and I said, “I don’t either.” But she was like, “Sorry, I really don’t dance. I’m not, like, rejecting you or anything.” So I went back towards the stage and kept dancing.
Dude #2: Okay.
Dude #1: Then, after the next song, I went up to her and asked her to dance again and she said no, but she kinda smiled at me like she thought it was cute.
Dude #2: So?
Dude #1: So, after the show, I hung around to try to talk to her.
Dude #2: What happened?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I got too drunk and forgot what she looked like.
Dude #2: You’re a fucking moron. –6 train