Archive for 2005

Honey, Those Are So Clearly Friction Burns

Woman: My butt is burning! This seat is so hot! I can’t believe it! Not that I think you’re interested, but I just want you to know my butt is burning.
Man: Actually, I kind of am interested.

Woman: That’s the one downside of having such nice seats: they’re in the sun all day! Seriously, my butt is on fire!


–US Open

My Shit Only Has Dental Coverage

Guy #1: So she fine?
Guy #2: Yeah, man, and get this, dog: she’s got full benefits!
Guy #1: Yo man, you better marry that shit! –Elevator, 42nd & Madison Overheard by: Manny M Girl #1: So $120 of antibiotics later, my cat should be just fine.
Girl #2: Doesn’t your cat have health insurance?
Girl #1: Yes, but it doesn’t cover prescription drugs.
Girl #2: Do they offer that type of coverage?
Girl #1: If anyone’s getting an optional rider prescription drug plan in my apartment, it’s going to be me. –Inwood Overheard by: Melissa Mink

She was the One in the Wheelchair, Idiot

Dude #1: …This girl was so fucking hot. I went up to her and asked her if she wanted to dance. She said, “I don’t dance” and I said, “I don’t either.” But she was like, “Sorry, I really don’t dance. I’m not, like, rejecting you or anything.” So I went back towards the stage and kept dancing.
Dude #2: Okay.
Dude #1: Then, after the next song, I went up to her and asked her to dance again and she said no, but she kinda smiled at me like she thought it was cute.
Dude #2: So?
Dude #1: So, after the show, I hung around to try to talk to her.
Dude #2: What happened?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I got too drunk and forgot what she looked like.
Dude #2: You’re a fucking moron. –6 train