Archive for 2005

Clay was at the Bottom of the Contestants

Queer #1: …Well, he’s going to start his own porn company and he asked me to shoot for it.
Queer #2: So are you going to do it?
Queer #1: Hell, yeah! And I get to go auditions and sit there like Simon Cowell and be like, “You’re hot; you’re gross.”
Queer #2: So when they do auditions do they make them try out and do blowjobs and stuff?
Queer #1: No I just think they make them get naked. –F train Overheard by: Joe M.

It Was One Hell of a Long Delivery

Twin girl #A: It’s my birthday on Sunday…
Unique girl #1: Oh, so like, your sister was the one whose birthday it was Thursday. God, this must be so confusing for you guys.
Unique girl #2: Um, no, I highly doubt it is. They’re twins; they were born on the same day!
Unique girl #1: Did your parents just change it on the birth certificate to make it less confusing…or what? I would’ve just let you guys keep the different birthdays. –40th & 5th

Sounds Like It Worked Perfectly

Yuppie guy #1: Well, they’re in that “Baby-Coma mood” for, like, the first, three or four months. You can basically plop ‘em down anywhere, and they just stay there. It’s cool.
Yuppie guy #2: But what if it starts wailin’?
Yuppie guy #1: Oh, then you give it to the wife. You just say, kinda sweet-like, “Someone wants his Mom-my.”
Yuppie guy #2: That works?
Yuppie guy #1: That’s what my brother-in-law said…But then again, he is divorced now. –Penn Station Overheard by: Rory J. Thompson

It Means He Intends to Begin Courting

Hobo: I wanna tackle you! I’m gonna tackle you girl! I’m gonna tackle you girl! You hear me? I’m gonna tackle you!
Girl #1: Did he just say he wants to tackle us?
Girl #2: Oh my god! What did he mean by that? –Spring & Mercer Overheard by: Spooner

This Queer Thing Makes More and More Sense

Girl: We should totally start pretending to go out and make out in public, and then everyone will be like, “But I thought Mark was gay?”. And they’ll all be so confused.
Mark: Okay, I’m down, but you’re gonna have to get me like 6 shots of Jagermeister before we start.
Girl: Why do you need to be drunk? I’m pretty! –116th Street 1 station