Archive for 2005

The Secret Comedian Cells Spring Into Action

Woman: It’s a pity about that actress who stabbed someone with her knife. What’s her name? …Um…Reese?
Chick: Witherspoon?
Woman: No! With her knife! –Central Park Overheard by: Emilia Suit #1: I know where we are.
Suit #2: Where?
Suit #1: On the corner! –9th Street & 1st Avenue Overheard by: Your Mom Guy: Excuse me, can I tell you a joke?
Girl: …What?
Guy: Can I tell you a joke?
Girl: …No.
Guy: Are you su–
Girl: Didn’t you fucking hear me, you idiot? She gets up and starts walking away. Girl: Jesus Christ, these fucking… –Central Park

“Roly Poly” Isn’t a Very Funny Pet Name

Guy #1: Dude, you’re fat as shit and getting balder by the minute, you really need to lock her in.
Guy #2: I don’t know man, she is super cool. She’s just so sensitive about everything.
Guy #1: Like what?
Guy #2: I make jokes that she doesn’t understand and gets mad really easily and takes everything so personal.
Guy #1: What do you mean?
Guy #2: Well…I guess she just doesn’t like it when I make fun of her. –4 train