Archive for 2005

I’m Thankful That I’m Free

AM New York guy: AM New York!
Metro guy: Metro New York!
Guy #3: Free donuts!
AM New York guy: AM New York, Metro New York, free donuts, all at Penn Station, New York! –Penn Station Overheard by: Jenny Lichtenwalner Daily News guy: Hey baby, free Daily News. Hey baby, take my paper and you’ll be satisfied…Yo baby, you take that paper and you keep looking that fine. Shake what God gave ya baby, and read my paper! –Jamaica

I’ll Bring the XXX Jug

Girl: So, I was thinking we could have a hick themed Thanksgiving.
Guy: What does that even mean?
Girl: You know, we could drink bad beer, and eat gross deep-fried food, and, like, rent hick movies and stuff.
Guy: “Hick movies”?
Girl: You know, like that Nicolas Cage movie where he lives in a trailer park, or that Hilary Swank movie where she’s, like, a lesbian and stuff. Those are pretty hick.
Guy: That movie is about rape, and discrimination.
Girl: It’ll be really fun. –A train

I’m Thankful I’m a New Yorker

Lady #1: Can you please choose a direction and stick to it? You almost made me tumble down the stairs!
Lady #2: What? I know you are not talking to me!
Lady #1: Yes, I am talking to you, you keep changing your direction left, right, back, and forth! You walk right in front of me as I am walking down the stairs and almost tripped me down the stairs!
Lady #2: Well, if you were not right up my ass, you would not have had a problem!
Lady #1: How can I avoid being up your ass? Have you seen how much room your ass takes up?–
Man: Ha!
Lady #1: –It’s like a wide load truck swerving across the highway with no warning to fellow drivers! It’s huge!
Lady #2: Nasty ass bitch!
Lady #1: I am sure you would know. –103rd Street 1 station Counter guy: Who is next on line for a sandwich?…Anybody?…Does anybody want a sandwich?…Okay, who wants a salad?…Anybody waiting on line for a salad?….Anybody want anything?…You, what would you like?
JAP: Excuse me, I was next! –EEE’s, East 34th Street Overheard by: SK Queer: No, thanks.
Flyers woman: You’re a faggot.
Queer: Fuck you, you fucking piece of trash skank bitch. Why don’t you wipe off your clown makeup, get some acutane, and find a real job? Fucking bitch. –110th & Broadway Girl #1: Where’s Broadway?
Girl #2: Well, Broadway runs like the entire city from North to South.
Girl #1: But where’s the part that has the famous stuff, like Cats?
Girl #2: Oh, I have no idea. –Fulton & Nassau Overheard by: Velzzy

I’m Thankful I’m Alive

An unofficial memorial is covered with flowers, candles, cards and candy. Drunk girl #1: Hey, who wants a Blow Pop?
Drunk guy: Um…I dunno.
Drunk girl #2: Don’t. It’s bad luck to take candy from the dead.
Drunk girl #1: …Yeah, I guess you’re right. –3rd between A & B Overheard by: The Vouk Girl: Don’t die while I’m gone, okay?
Guy: Why not? –66th & Columbus

I’m Thankful for My Health

Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong. –Washington Square Park Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton! –2 train Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold. –18th & 5th Overheard by: basselope Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad… –Stop and Shop, Astoria Overheard by: Dan