Archive for 2005

Step Two: Repeat

Little boy: …and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off! –Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, Union Square Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

I Can See Why Bill Had a Stroke

Wife: Bill can’t fly because of the wheelchair. He can’t get out of it.
Husband: Surely there are planes with wheelchair access. We should ask for him.
Wife: Please, like he never asked himself? He just can’t fly, ever.
Husband: That’s not true. What do you think Teddy Roosevelt did when he wanted to go somewhere? He was in a wheelchair and he was the President so he had lots of places to go. Of course there had to be planes with wheelchair areas.
Wife: Oh, I never thought of him. You’re right. We should really tell Bill about that. –JFK

Who Let the Tigers Out?

Girl #1: Do you think my boobs look bad?
Girl #2: No, not at all.
Girl #1: But are they, like, saggy?
Girl #2: No, they look good. But if you’re so worried, why don’t you start wearing a bra or something?
Girl #1: God, next thing you’ll tell me to wear underwear. –Telephone Bar & Grill, 2nd Avenue

Later That Night: Tiger v. Anaconda

Girl #1: I cut myself shaving.
Girl #2: That sucks. I shaved my twat.
Girl #1: What about your legs?
Girl #2: Nope.
Girl #1: Then why your junk?
Girl #2: I was bored
Girl #1: So you shave random things when bored?
Girl #2: Yep! Besides, I guess my twat needed it the most. It was a damn jungle down there; I could almost hear the tiger roar. –Central Park