Archive for 2005

Overheard in the Headlines: The Strike

Old lady: They are going to strike? They should put up signs fuckers! I see you looking at me you skinny bitch, fuck you.
Conductor: The doors are closing.
Old lady: Can’t put up signs but the fucker is telling me the doors are closing. –F train Hobo: Don’t worry about the strike, we’ll all fly to work! Flap our wings and fly! –14th & 7th Guy: I was there at the strike in 1980; I remember it well. It went on for two weeks. Of course, they could never have it that long now. The population of the city has doubled since 1980. –Bowling Green station Overheard by: greek goddess Conductor: Shit, I’ll get nasty right now. I’ll pull the brakes, see how they like that. –1 train Overheard by: Priscilla Castillo Tween boy: So how’s the strike going?
Bus driver: If there was a strike I wouldn’t be here, you moron. –M15 bus Overheard by: Sara’s Hot

Step Two: Repeat

Little boy: …and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off! –Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, Union Square Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

I Can See Why Bill Had a Stroke

Wife: Bill can’t fly because of the wheelchair. He can’t get out of it.
Husband: Surely there are planes with wheelchair access. We should ask for him.
Wife: Please, like he never asked himself? He just can’t fly, ever.
Husband: That’s not true. What do you think Teddy Roosevelt did when he wanted to go somewhere? He was in a wheelchair and he was the President so he had lots of places to go. Of course there had to be planes with wheelchair areas.
Wife: Oh, I never thought of him. You’re right. We should really tell Bill about that. –JFK

Who Let the Tigers Out?

Girl #1: Do you think my boobs look bad?
Girl #2: No, not at all.
Girl #1: But are they, like, saggy?
Girl #2: No, they look good. But if you’re so worried, why don’t you start wearing a bra or something?
Girl #1: God, next thing you’ll tell me to wear underwear. –Telephone Bar & Grill, 2nd Avenue

Later That Night: Tiger v. Anaconda

Girl #1: I cut myself shaving.
Girl #2: That sucks. I shaved my twat.
Girl #1: What about your legs?
Girl #2: Nope.
Girl #1: Then why your junk?
Girl #2: I was bored
Girl #1: So you shave random things when bored?
Girl #2: Yep! Besides, I guess my twat needed it the most. It was a damn jungle down there; I could almost hear the tiger roar. –Central Park