Archive for 2005

The Aptly Named Checkout Counter

Checkout lady: School supplies? You gotta buy this in September, not December!
Chick: I know, but my little cousins want school supplies for Christmas, they wanna play teacher. I’m just following orders.
Checkout lady: Christmas?
Chick: Yeah, Christmas, it’s a gift.
Checkout lady: What about Hanukkah?
Chick: What about it?
Checkout lady: You ever heard of it?
Chick: Yeah, but these are a Christmas gift.
Checkout lady: You Jewish? Which half?
Chick: Only the good half. Checkout lady: You a teacher?
Chick: No, a librarian.
Checkout lady: You look too young to have finished college. How old are you? Twenty?
Chick: No, I finished college.
Checkout lady: You eighteen?
Chick: No, I’m twenty-three.
Checkout lady: Oh. You gotta get married, then. –K-Mart, Staten Island Overheard by: Becka Dash

“This train will be going express. Next stop: Hell.”

Speaker: Hello?
Guy: We’ve been waiting for like an hour. Any trains coming?
Speaker: Hold on, let me see…Hello, anyone there?
Guy: Yeah, we’re here. There any trains coming?
Speaker: There’s an police investigation at Broadway. I think someone got pushed onto the tracks and run over.
Guy: But are there any trains coming? –2nd Avenue station Overheard by: Mikey J.

Dangerous Showers There, Too

Professor guy: …Then he was sent to Buchenwald. Have any of you visited any of the camps?
Girl: I did.
Professor guy: Yeah? Did you visit Buchenwald?
Girl: No.
Professor guy: Did you visit one in Germany?
Girl: No.
Professor guy: Did you visit one in Europe?
Girl: No, it was in America.
Professor guy: Are you talking about a summer camp?
Girl: Yeah. –Fordham University, Rose Hill Overheard by: Maggie B.

Miss Manners’ Guide to Yeasty Cunts

Girl #1: So he was like, “We found out you’re allergic to yeast.” And I asked, “Is that why I keep getting yeast infections?” And he goes, “No, you probably just need to be more hygenic after having intercourse.”
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah, I know. So I was like, “WTF, man? I clean my cunt!”
Girl #2: Wait, why’d you say “WTF”?
Girl #1: Because saying “fuck” would be rude. –6 train Overheard by: Elisabeth