Archive for 2005

The Protocols of the Elders of Lesbos

Lesbian chick #1: …so that’s why I’m in favor of putting birth control in the water.
Lesbian chick #2: How does that work?
Lesbian chick #1: What do you mean? You just put it in the water.
Lesbian chick #2: But what if they don’t go in the water?
Lesbian chick #1: …no, the drinking water.
Lesbian chick #2: Oh. That makes more sense. Sorry, I don’t know how those straight people do these things. –F train

How to Do Laundry, NYC Edition

Woman: Excuse me. I have to put something in my dryer.
Girl folding clothes: Oh, okay.
Woman: Excuse me! I have to put something else in my dryer.
Girl: O-kay…
Woman: Now I have to take something out of my dryer…unbelievable.
Girl: Wow, you’re a case!
Woman: I’m a what?!
Girl: A case. I’ve never seen anybody so worked up over laundry.
Woman: Well, you haven’t lived very long, have you?
Girl: Not as long as you!…Have a nice day!
Woman: Fuck you! –York Launderette, York Avenue and E. 82nd

Logs of Wednesday One-liners

Guy: You know, we really should do something with all that driftwood we brought back from Canada. –West Elm furniture, DUMBO Overheard by: Ashley The husband scoops dog shit in a clear plastic bag, swings it around and calls out to his wife: Hey, Marla! Ya hungry? Hot fudge, fresh from the oven! –Prince St. between Thompson & West Broadway