Teen girl: Yo, I heard he fucked a fat girl in Remi and she was so big he couldn’t get his arms around her! –Astoria Dunkin’ Donuts Overheard by: Jack UES chick on cell: …so then he takes me to this party, where there’s all these topless chicks and crap, and I’m like, “Come on! Haven’t I stroked your ego enough?”. –88th and Park Overheard by: ikanread Girl: No, I will not have anal sex with your boyfriend! –Union Square station
Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls. –Hunter College Overheard by: H. Chan Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.” –Port Authority Overheard by: Fernando Taveras Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout. –J train
Girl on cell: Oh no! I dropped a bunch of papers that I don’t need! –Pace University elevator Overheard by: shawn mac Conductor: The next stop will be…Hell, I don’t even know what it is! –B train Overheard by: Miss Babette Guy: You know, when I was doing those breathing exercises, I realized: I don’t think I’ve been able to breathe out of my left nostril since 1995. –General Store, DUMBO Overheard by: Beth
Homeboy: Monkeys are just humans who don’t give a shit, that’s all I’m sayin’. –Park Pizza, 25th St. and Park Ave. Overheard by: Chadd Derkins Electrician: The Velvet Underground? Yeah, they was good for a few laughs back in the day. –Midtown elevator Overheard by: Michael Dude: I definitely said, “No abortion jokes at dinner.” –86th and 2nd
Guy: My wife is just a hoot. She just tries and tries to undermine me. –Craft, E. 19th Street Girl: She’s into God and stuff like that. I hate that shit. –C train Overheard by: jason steinhauer Slut: …all I know is that it’s $40,000 and you’ve gotta buy him breakfast in the morning. –Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Too tan woman: It’s the first day in a week that no one has called me a psychopath….yet. –W. 66th between Broadway and Central Park West Guy: I thought when I got up I was going to lose control. Then it went away. –54th between 1st & 2nd Overheard by: Brandy Rowell Big guy: That girl’s a serial killer. She murders men and then leaves panties on their face. –47th Street & 5th Avenue Overheard by: Brian
Lady: If he could fuck like he makes quesadillas, I’d be a lucky woman. –Astoria deli Overheard by: Stuart Bridgett Guy on cell: True Spanish girls wear heels in a blizzard! –33rd Street & Park Avenue Overheard by: Chris D. Hobo (to Hispanic construction workers): Remember the Alamo! –34th & Madison Avenue
Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a person, I just don’t like what she does with my hair. –Max, Ave. B Guy on cell: Listen man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on anything and they’ll buy it. Put his fucking face on a fucking bottle of water and they’ll fucking buy it! –28th St. and Park Avenue Overheard by: G Varod Woman on cell: There’s only one word for this party. And it is “epic.” –CPW and 110th St.
Fat black woman: Hey, watch where you’re going! Say “excuse me” instead of bumping into me like that. Don’t you know how to speak English?
Japanese girl: You need a diet! –Penn station Overheard by: JL
Customer: I see barley, but no beef.
Cafeteria worker: The beef has been melted into it. –MSKCC cafeteria