Archive for 2005

Wednesday One-liners: Questions

Fat old lady: Do you happen to know who wrong the song “Who Let the Dogs Out”? –Barnes & Noble, 22nd Street Old woman: What do you want me to talk about? You don’t want to hear about my dog. You don’t want to hear about my cat. What else is there to talk about? –N train Overheard by: Nim G Blueblood woman: Yesterday I was in here and got 2 tomatoes and left them here. Have they been found? –Bleecker Street grocery

Wednesday One-liners

Construction guy: That Barney Rubble, he’s some actor. –South Street Seaport bar Overheard by: Keith McCarthy Guy: She’s a spoiled rotten brat. She’s rich as shit and gets everything she wants. It fucking pisses me off. I can’t stand her…the only reason I know all this is ’cause I hang out with her like 24 hours a day. –1 train Hobo: Hillary Clinton and Pee-Wee Herman are Democrats! I am a Republican! –12th St. & 7th Ave. Overheard by: Caroline N

Go Back to Canadia!

Woman #1: And what did he want to talk about?
Woman #2: My beaver.
Woman #1: Can you imagine his nerve?
Woman #2: Honey, lots of people are talking about my beaver. Hell more are thinking about it if they aren’t already fucking it. –Lexington & 42nd

Because Old People Dying is a New Phenomenon

Old Guy #1: Oh, he’s probably dead. That other guy too. What was his name?
Old Guy #2: And his friend, that writer. Haven’t seen him around either.
Old Guy #1: Do you remember that guy that used to play chess with you?
Old Guy #2: Yeah.
Old Guy #1: I just found out he’s dead too.
Old Guy #2: The city’s changing. –9th St. between 1st & 2nd Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

The Wrath of Chaka Khan

Homie #1: Damn! Shorty set the phasers on stun!
Homie #2: Shields up! –Union Square station Producer guy #1: So it’s like when a Trekkie sees Patrick Stewart and immediately yells “There’s Captain Kirk.”
Producer guy #2: Oh, you’re right! Maybe we should just stick to that hip-hop audience you were talking about. Forget the Trekkies. –Katz’s Deli, Houston Street

There’s Our Problem: Not Enough Dead Children

Lady: They’ve got psychiatrists for dogs. They’ve even got their own cemeteries. They’ve got more things than kids! –Eckerd’s, Bensonhurst Younger brother: I wish I could jump over buildings like Spider-man.
Older sister: Little buildings or really tall buildings?
Younger brother: Tall buildings.
Older sister: I bet you could. Why don’t you try it sometime? –M14 bus