Crazy lady: I spent two years single, and then I met Jesus. And Jesus and I have been together for four years. And Jesus never forgets to call and check in once in awhile. He says, “Hey, how you doin’?”. –Sunnyside Overheard by: Mikey Guy: He was into wearing slippers without socks. Like Jesus. –Union Square station Subway preacher: Jay Z ain’t gonna save ya! Jesus’ll save ya! –West 4th Street station
Chick #1: One of my friend’s moms has unholy thoughts about Charlie Rose.
Chick #2: One of my friends has dreams about having sex with her family’s minivan. And not humping the side of it, either. We’re talking full on, riding the stick-shift sex. Hmmm.
Chick #1: We run with an interesting crowd. –1 train Overheard by: Djlindee
The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other.
Hobo: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter?
He sprays the windex.
Hobo: Or Spring?
He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.
Japanese girl: Spring!
Hobo: You are correct.
Overheard by: Pete Johnson
Black chick: Hey, come here, look. Did you know that Asians can’t drink? Look at her face. It’s all red. –Diesel, West Broadway
Guy: I want to put a flat screen in my bathroom.
Guy: Maybe I would actually take baths if I had something else to watch other than my penis floating. –Houston & Norfolk Overheard by: David Byrne
Tourist: Excuse me, would you mind moving your bag? It’s touching my knee.
New Yorker: What the fuck! You’re not from around here, are you son?
Tourist: No sir, I’m from Richmond Virginia. Just got in this morning.
New Yorker: Yeah, no shit. –9 train Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Drunk: Miss, do you think I could sit next to you for a moment, just a moment, and you could smell me and tell me whether I smell like I’ve been drinking?
Drunk: Why not?
Girl: Because I don’t want to have to smell anyone.
Drunk: Well fuck you too. –168th Street station
Spanish dude: Yeah, she left me a message and it was like, “Oh, I see you ain’t answering your phone and shit ’cause you doin’ what you do…but that’s ai’ight, I’m a do me.” So I called her, I was like, “What you doin’ you? Matta fact, did you do you already? You gon’ go out and fuck somebody else because I couldn’t pick up my phone?”. And she was like, “Nah, nooo, I didn’t mean it, I was just mad. And then you got that other bitch.” I said, “I’m not concerned about that bitch, I’m concerned about this bitch.” –A train
Tourist dad: Well, I guess this is Chinatown.
Tourist mom: I thought it would be bigger.
Tourist dad: Me too. –32nd & 5th Overheard by: Justin
Girl #1: What happened to you?
Girl #2: Some fucking tourist walked into me and spilled her Hot Pocket on me…where the fuck did a tourist get a Hot Pocket? –6 train