Archive for 2005

The NYC Cast of Characters in: Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, all cars on this train are going to final destination: Parkchester. All cars will be making all stops. –6 train Newspaper vendor: Yo! Suits! Go get me that deal…or else! I mean right now, go get it done! –41st & 6th Overheard by: M. Hutchinson Tourist on cell: Of course I know where we are. We’re near Broadway Street. No, no, wait. Broadway Avenue. –57th & Broadway Overheard by: Karyn Regal Petitioner: Please help us save the filibuster! –West 66th & Broadway Overheard by: Todd Seavey Subway salesman: …and thank you for helping me keep a roof over my head. I mean three roofs: I live in the basement. –Q train Metro New York guy: Free paper! Get your free paper!…Man, I’m sick of this shit. –Union Square Metro New York guy: Shit, man, I’m tired of sayin’ this!…Okay, fine. Good mornin’. Good mornin’. Shit. –Park Place station

Build a Relationship with Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Every time I date Greek men I get fat…Every single time! –South Cove, Battery Park City Guy on cell: I know man, sometimes I wish you were her husband instead of me. –Starbucks, Union Square West Overheard by: alison Chick on cell: …so I said, “Stop calling me. It was a one night stand.” –F train Black queer: So who is this guy, anyway? Has anybody even met this guy you say you’re dating? Or is he like that “Bob” guy you put in your car so you can drive in the H.O.V. lane? –Times Square Guy: She has…two one-eyed cats. She’s never getting engaged. –Madison Square Park

Even a Penny Helps, Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: She’s fine, I’d fuck her…her too. And that one. And….ooh, not her, you can have that one. –Madison Square Park Old hobo: Who the fuck said black people are dangerous? The next person I hear say that I am throwing in the next dumpster! –40th & 8th Hobo: People, if you do not have a useable skill and/or a good pussy, you do not get that train ticket home! –Times Square

Wednesday One-liners, For Chrissakes

Crazy lady: I spent two years single, and then I met Jesus. And Jesus and I have been together for four years. And Jesus never forgets to call and check in once in awhile. He says, “Hey, how you doin’?”. –Sunnyside Overheard by: Mikey Guy: He was into wearing slippers without socks. Like Jesus. –Union Square station Subway preacher: Jay Z ain’t gonna save ya! Jesus’ll save ya! –West 4th Street station

You’re Dreaming If You Think They’re Interesting

Chick #1: One of my friend’s moms has unholy thoughts about Charlie Rose.
Chick #2: One of my friends has dreams about having sex with her family’s minivan. And not humping the side of it, either. We’re talking full on, riding the stick-shift sex. Hmmm.
Chick #1: We run with an interesting crowd. –1 train Overheard by: Djlindee

Transferring From the F to the A

Guy #1: You know, I just love fucking my girlfriend up the ass.
Guy #2: Why do you want to tell me that?
Guy #1: It’s better than anything.
Guy #2: Dude, I don’t care, shut the fuck up.
Guy #1: It’s like putting your dick in a extremely tight and warm–
Guy #2: Dude, honestly, I don’t give a fuck, so if you are going to start again, I’m gonna rip out your throat. Comprende? –F train Overheard by: Ting