Archive for 2005

My Anti-drug? Wednesday One-liners

Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack. –4 train Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation. –Rivington & Allen Overheard by: Josh Mueller Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers. –Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn Overheard by: sparkle shortz Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off. –14th & 8th Overheard by: debo Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me? –Pratt Institute

Wednesday One-liners Do Their Civic Duty

Guy: That’s crazy, man. That’s worse than crazy, that’s fucking psychotic! Seventy dollars for a fucking permit. Seventy, eighty dollars for a moving violation, that I understand. But seventy dollars for a fucking permit? The fucking well is running dry! –Prospect Avenue station Overheard by: Alison Teen girl: Let’s order together but have them put it in separate bags. We’ll pay less tax that way. –Wendy’s, Union Square Overheard by: Nathan Kipe Tourist:…no, really! The streets are so clean! –24th & Broadway Overheard by: Manhattman

Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I wipe asses just like you do…only metaphorically. –William Street & Maiden Lane Overheard by: shawn mac Rich lady: When I die, scatter my ashes over Bloomingdale’s. –Neue Gallerie, 86th & 5th Overheard by: Emily Peddler: That piece down there was made from an Apple computer box. Forget the painting; I mean, just the box is gorgeous. I have a bit of a cardboard box fetish. –Spring & Broadway Overheard by: Tommy Raiko Woman on cell: So he was like, “Why are we taking a cab? It’s only 4 or 5 blocks. I know you like exercise. You go to the gym every day.” And I was like, “I only exercise the way God intended…on a treadmill.” I mean, whatever! Right? –54th & Park Overheard by: kittikat

No Matter How Worthless You Are, There’s This Girl

Girl #1: I wouldn’t get married in New York, no way.
Girl #2. Me neither.
Girl #1: Out of town somewhere, New Haven, Scarsdale: way better. It’d be ridiculous here. Can you imagine?
Girl #3: Yup, right.
Girl #1: Only if I married for money. If he has money, then it’s a different story. Let’s say, 250k a year. Stockbroker, mortgage investment banker, lawyer surgeon, you know. At least 250 grand, or it might as well be in Boston. And I have to have an au pair, later. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Christopher Lee

When Degrassi Becomes Americanized

Chick #1: Look, look, it’s that school. You know they be smokin’ ‘n shit over there!
Chick #2: Yeah, why you think we used to go up in there? I love that school, they be doing X in there ‘n shit. Everybody be chillin’ in da hallways doin’ whateva, makin’ out ‘n shit, you know?
Chick #3: For real?
Chick #2: Why you think we used to hang out there? –D train Overheard by: CM

She’s Like a Giant Mallomar

Teenage boy: I really need a girlfriend.
Teenage girl: Why?
Teenage boy: ‘Cause they’re all sweet and soft and crap.
Teenage girl: Go out with Marla. She’s soft.
Teenage boy: No, that’s not soft; that’s obesity. –N train