Archive for 2005

Wednesday One-liners Grab Some Dinner

Lady: Geez, what an adventure, huh? I mean, “grande ensalada”? I had no idea what I’d ordered until it came to the table! –55th & Madison Overheard by: Heather Hobo: She eats the cole slawwww. She likes the Pepsi, not the Coke! –Borough Park Russian lady: How many times do I have to tell you? Puerto Ricans don’t eat tacos. –Park Slope Overheard by: Jonathan Man: We have to stop here so I can eat. If we keep walking, I can’t eat in the rain. –23rd & Madison Woman: It’s spiritual. I only eat yak. –11th & A Overheard by: Lisa D Girl on cell: OK, well, get me as many cans of tuna as you can possibly carry. –Washington Square & East 4th Senior VP on phone: No, you can’t order Chilean sea bass anymore! They’re all bred artificially in ponds. The real ones are going extinct out of sheer deliciousness. –Madison Avenue office Woman: It’s too hot today for Indian food. Well unless, you know, you’re Indian. –17th & Park Overheard by: Robyn

Let’s Face Wednesday One-liners

Girl: …and I was crying! Because he told me I was so ugly. But then he said he was just being honest… –9th Street & 2nd Avenue Overheard by: Domi Guy: Hey Dave, remember the last time we were here, that security guard came up to you and asked if you needed medical attention because he assumed you got hit in the mouth with a baseball? –Yankee Stadium Overheard by: Michael Bull Cop: You couldn’t suck hard enough to give her a hickey. All the stubble broke the suction. –30th & 7th Teenage boy: Honestly! Why would anyone put spermicide on their face? –Bank Street Overheard by: Jon Gordon Mother: I can’t believe you like how Robin’s face looks. It doesn’t look like she’s wearing any makeup! She needs to wear makeup. –Sephora, 5th Avenue

Wednesday One-liners Have Some Class

Chick: This is the same boy who used to lick champagne massage oil off of my naked tits, and now he’s writing three page long internet odes to Ronald Reagan? –171st & Broadway Overheard by: Djlindee Girl: Man if I had money, I’d be a classy bitch! –Mona’s, Avenue B Overheard by: Simon Mason Guy on cell: I smoke weed, work, go to school, and fuck bitches. That’s what I do, man. –18th between 5th and 6th Guy: I got a great e-mail from my friend the other day. It said, “Let’s steal something. Call me.” –Old Town Bar, 18th Street Overheard by: LMF Chick: It’s amazing how much more tip you’ll get if you let them fondle your nipples for a little. –Soho party Suit: You tell him I don’t spend $4 million on a piece of shit! You tell him to shut the fuck up…in a nice way. –38th & 7th Overheard by: Krados Man on cell: Fuck you! I have a website you can go to, it’s called www.getbitchslappedyoufuckingbitch.com. Or how about www.fuckthisshityoufuckingwhore.net.com? –54th between 8th & Broadway Mom: Come on now, we going outside, you can do it there, OK?…He was gonna pee-pee right here on the step. Fuck that! –137th Street station Overheard by: Amanda Nazario

Wednesday One-liners Get on the 6

Hipster: I have so many friends in their 20s who are still virgins! Is “virgin” the new pink? –6 train Hobo: Listen up! I’m not here to beg or ask for money. I’m here to tell you that a flashlight like this one could save your life. There are no promises! Be prepared! Always carry a flashlight and water! –6 train Girlfriend: …and no more talking about economics when you are inside of me… –6 train Overheard by: A

Wednesday One-liners Hit Yuppietown

Hipster girl: She asked me, “Like, when you give your grandmother a bath, do you use bleach?” –Williamsburg Overheard by: Jeremy Dawson White girl: I know, right? If I’m gonna get fucked over, it’s gonna be by a genuine asshole, not by some pussy-ass white boy who’s not even good in bed. –Williamsburg Woman on cell: …is it wrong that I just kind of want to shit all over her whenever she mentions something good happening in her life? –Bedford Avenue station Man: All I ever want to do is hang around my apartment. Nekkid. With money taped all over me. –Montrose Avenue station Overheard by: K.M.

Wednesday One-liners Go to the Park

Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number? –Central Park Overheard by: alec Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile? –Central Park Overheard by: Glynnis Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God. –Central Park Overheard by: mj Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken! –Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Congrats, You’re Not Even as Classy as the SI Ferry

British bitch on cell: I’m surrounded by fucking morons who probably struggled through the NYC school system. We all know New Yorkers are the dumbest. They can’t even read. They haven’t had a Latin education and they probably can’t even speak another language…I didn’t want to get a limo to take to the fuckin’ ghettos of Brooklyn. I didn’t want to take a cab because these uneducated people don’t understand directions. I didn’t want to spend $30 and not get to the right place…Please make sure my car gets fixed. I’ve been reduced to the humiliation of taking public transportation. Now the second part of my fucking nightmare begins. I have to take the subway! I’m dressed like a commoner. I didn’t want to wear a $5000 Chanel suit on a seat that hasn’t been cleaned…She’s letting us borrow her castle for our wedding. If they can’t afford to be there, they obviously don’t deserve to come. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Christine