Archive for 2005

Wednesday One-liners Aren’t the Answer

Girl on cell: Hey, that’s not fair! If you get to be Mr. Incredible, why am I Jewgirl? –Washington Square Park Guy on cell: Does anyone in Romania have ice cream? –Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: Greg Ashley Woman: Why is it every time a guy beats his dick over the phone it sounds like a helicopter taking off? –20th & 6th Overheard by: phyllis pisacano Girl: what do you call this style of architecture? Ugly road-houses? –Mott Haven Overheard by: yev Guy: Isn’t England a state of the US, like Colorado? –Alt.Coffee, Avenue A Overheard by: dewo Guy flipping through cell: Damn, why the fuck have I only got White people on here? –27th & 7th pizzeria Overheard by: dbrock Fashion girl: How do you start a zoo? Do you buy the animals first or the place to put them? –Conde Nast Building, Times Square Overheard by: Jax Crazy guy: Are your French Fries made with beef? –McDonald’s, 85th & 3rd Overheard by: Marc Cassata Guy: Is it technically depression if you’re depressed because you can’t date a Gap model? –Bryant Park Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

Those Low Rent Wednesday One-liners…

Tween girl: …when her water broke, she rode her bike to the hospital. How ghetto is that? –B44 bus Lady: They better give me my money back or I’m gonna get 7 on my side! –K-mart, Staten Island Overheard by: tony Store guy on cell: Nah, man I can’t go out tonight! I’m broke! I just paid for an abortion. –Pathmark, Cherry Street Overheard by: Jubie D. Suit: I need to go uptown, where they know the difference between a hot dog and a frankfurter. –The Water Club, E. 23rd Street Overheard by: Dave

Wednesday One-liners Join the Jet Set

Southern woman on cell: I could not feel worse than I do right now…You will…Oh my god, they are gonna have to land that airplane so you can vomit. –66th between CPW and Columbus Overheard by: Charlie Dirtbag: Man, I have to get over to Europe. I gotta sell a fucking kidney. –St. Mark’s Place Man on cell: Yeah baby, yeah, I’m still in London. Yeah, I’ll be back on Wednesday, baby. –West 4th & Jane Conductor: You’re now entering the country of Brooklyn. Please have your passports ready… –F train Overheard by: Paul Eng

Wednesday One-liners for the Red States

Lady: I come here every weekend. It’s my church. –Manhattan Mall women’s bathroom Overheard by: Dolly Lowenstein Guy: She became a Republican to spite our father. –Whole Foods, Columbus Circle Woman: I really hate Bush. I can’t stand him. The world would be such a better place if he just died…But then there’s Cheney… –6 train Drunk guy: You wait right here, I’m going home to get my gun, I’ll be right back! –23rd between 8th & 9th Guy: This is the guy I got arrested with in San Antonio for pissing on the Alamo. –LES party Overheard by: Caz

Wednesday One-liners Don’t Know Where They Are

Guy: There’s got to be a hardware store somewhere around here. –Home Depot, 23rd Street Funeral home guy: Drop dead!…motherfucker… –Raccuglia Funeral Home, Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Buffoon Mother: This is the Sistine Chapel. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Guy on cell: Hey, we’re at the Museum of Natural History right now. –The Met Overheard by: Pri

WEDNESDAY ONE-LINERS

Cab driver: Jersey, Jersey! What are you doing in New York? Do we go to Jersey? No!…unless we have to go to the Great Adventure. –Taxi, 23rd & 7th NY Post guy: Extra! Extra! Read all about it…Charlie Tuna, he’s dead! The Gorton’s Fisherman, he died too. Read it all today! –Penn Station Overheard by: Allison Barker: Tonight only! Special deal! A free game for White people! All Caucasians, one free game! –Coney Island Overheard by: Drew Black guy: ’bout time y’all write tickets downtown. I thought y’all only did that shit up in Harlem! –4th & Bowery Overheard by: Emily McCombs Cabbie: …and those Asians, they are the worst of all. They can’t see. They have no peripheral vision. They’ve got rice in their eyes! –Taxi, Sullivan Street

Wednesday One-liners Listen to Bauhaus

Guy: Dead girls? Come on. I’m afraid of real girls. Dead girls are even scarier. –Park Slope Overheard by: Carrie Guy: …he’s still living that zombie-turtle lifestyle… –14th between University & 5th Overheard by: Joe Strike Lady on cell: …so we were at this goth club and I moonwalked into someone… –72nd & Columbus Woman: I wouldn’t fit in this even if I was cremated. –Macy’s Overheard by: kathy duby Man: If it wasn’t for his suicide, Terry and I would never have met. –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Rick Segall