Man: I charge you with this sacred drink, and with this straw: I call this straw Excalibur, straw of destiny. –Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street Overheard by: timothy wolfe Bald man: See, the Joker was the first real villain Batman had to face… –Le Pescadou, King Street Overheard by: emdashes Guy: Uh-uh. This nigga would be outta town. I see lightnin’ goin off and holes in the ground. No way! I will grab my purse, a bottle of water, my sister, and my gun and get the fuck outta Dodge. Peace, aliens! –Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street Guy: There’s really no way to tell someone that’s the seat’s taken without sounding like a complete douchebag. –Loews Kips Bay, 2nd Avenue Overheard by: Jonathan Weiss
Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days. –3rd between B & C Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience. –124th & Manhattan Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone. –LIRR Overheard by: Squatporpoise Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys. –NYU School of social work Overheard by: Maggie
Chick on phone: Do you love your gynecologist? Because I don’t. I’m not, like, thrilled. I need stability right now. It’s like bing-bing-bing, you’re done. Now tell me about your period and breastfeeding. –Brooklyn Army Terminal Woman: Oh no, she loves having surgery… –Fresh Bites, 56th & 6th Man on cell: It was like a little dagger, stabbing my eyeball… –Madison Avenue office Overheard by: Jonathan Harford Woman: …so my gynecologist said, “Why would you want to go to her? She’s out of network!” –Opia, E. 57th Street
Old Black guy: The thing about Girls Gone Wild is that most of them are strippers. Girls don’t really go wild. –D train Overheard by: pixelvisions Woman: One day they have Angelina sleeping with Tom Cruise, now they say she’s with Brad. –Food Emporium, Broadway & 68th Hipster chick: You know, they have all these sodas with added lime flavor, but why don’t they ever do Sprite with lime? –14th & 7th Overheard by: Melissa Huge guy: So he comes up to me and gives me the $600 that he owes me. I took one look at the bills and thought this was the worst counterfeit job I’ve ever seen so I beat the shit out of him…Did you know they have a new $100 bill? –35th & 8th Overheard by: Paul Ferris Woman: Sometimes I see underwear I don’t even understand. –Victoria’s Secret, 82nd & Broadway Overheard by: djlindee Pre-school teacher lady: If they didn’t build the subway, we wouldn’t have Home Depot or Lowe’s. –NY Transit Museum Overheard by: Trix
Suit: Attention tourists. It is now just after 5PM, and unlike you, some of us had to work today and would like to fucking get home. Please keep moving and do not just fucking stop in the middle of the sidewalk. This has been a public service announcement. –43rd & 7th Conductor: Next time, you lose your hands! –N train Overheard by: Gregorio The train stops in the tunnel, and the conductor announces: Ladies and gentlemen! We are momentarily held between the stations. We will be moving shortly. Meanwhile, sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery. –A train Driver: Welcome aboard the M86 crosstown bus. I apologize for the delay today; we will be moving momentarily. If you are carrying a grudge from school, or work, or home, please do not take it out on me. I promise you, we will be moving momentarily. –M86 bus Overheard by: Diane Conductor: Get all your possessions, including your body, inside the doors, if you want the train to move. It’s that simple. –S train Conductor: That was a very dangerous thing that you just did with the cane. –F train
Crazy guy: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Homosexuality! Heh heh heh. –53rd Street station Guy on cell: No, I’m waiting for the ferry…No, not him; the boat that goes into the city. –Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island Overheard by: Chris Cotterman Girl: She said she wasn’t attracted to me! I mean, I’m straight as a goat, but…am I ugly? –R train Overheard by: Shannon Bowman-Sarkisian Middle-aged guy: You know, somebody needs to tell gay men that they’re not 17 year old girls. –David Barton Gym, 23rd Street Queer: For God’s sake, be creative. We’re gay! –West Elm, 18th Street Woman on cell: It’s really gay outside right now. –Bowery & 4th Dude: I thought I saw Matt Damon; then I realized it was just a gay guy. –Barrow Street Crazy guy: And what do gay people do with the money they save on child support? The parade! They pay for the parade. –53rd Street station
Woman on cell: Yeah, he told me the next day that he cried himself to sleep. I got so mad. I was like, “I don’t wanna hear that shit!” –Target, Atlantic Avenue Overheard by: alex Chick: Is it really cheating if it only happened once? –26th & Lexington Guy on cell: Look, I’m driving so I can’t talk right now, ok? Good-bye…Fucking bitch, never leaves me alone. –Burger King, Union Turnpike Overheard by: Megan Cowles Girl: So are we breakin’ up or what? It’s getting late! –59th & Lexington Overheard by: Mike
Guy: So you started drinking young?
Girl: I started drinking at 11.
Guy: Wow, really?
Girl: I was smoking at 9. –F train Overheard by: Vito Delsante
Girl #1: Well, tomorrow is the Philharmonic in Central Park.
Girl #2: You wanna go?
Girl #1: Well I do, but I have my brain MRI. –William street
Girl #1: He was a great cook.
Girl #2: All the lunatics are, my dear. –Vermicelli, 78th & 2nd