Archive for 2005

Wednesday One-liners Should See a Doctor

Chick on phone: Do you love your gynecologist? Because I don’t. I’m not, like, thrilled. I need stability right now. It’s like bing-bing-bing, you’re done. Now tell me about your period and breastfeeding. –Brooklyn Army Terminal Woman: Oh no, she loves having surgery… –Fresh Bites, 56th & 6th Man on cell: It was like a little dagger, stabbing my eyeball… –Madison Avenue office Overheard by: Jonathan Harford Woman: …so my gynecologist said, “Why would you want to go to her? She’s out of network!” –Opia, E. 57th Street

Wednesday One-liners Are Grossly Mismarketed

Old Black guy: The thing about Girls Gone Wild is that most of them are strippers. Girls don’t really go wild. –D train Overheard by: pixelvisions Woman: One day they have Angelina sleeping with Tom Cruise, now they say she’s with Brad. –Food Emporium, Broadway & 68th Hipster chick: You know, they have all these sodas with added lime flavor, but why don’t they ever do Sprite with lime? –14th & 7th Overheard by: Melissa Huge guy: So he comes up to me and gives me the $600 that he owes me. I took one look at the bills and thought this was the worst counterfeit job I’ve ever seen so I beat the shit out of him…Did you know they have a new $100 bill? –35th & 8th Overheard by: Paul Ferris Woman: Sometimes I see underwear I don’t even understand. –Victoria’s Secret, 82nd & Broadway Overheard by: djlindee Pre-school teacher lady: If they didn’t build the subway, we wouldn’t have Home Depot or Lowe’s. –NY Transit Museum Overheard by: Trix

Announcing Wednesday One-liners

Suit: Attention tourists. It is now just after 5PM, and unlike you, some of us had to work today and would like to fucking get home. Please keep moving and do not just fucking stop in the middle of the sidewalk. This has been a public service announcement. –43rd & 7th Conductor: Next time, you lose your hands! –N train Overheard by: Gregorio The train stops in the tunnel, and the conductor announces: Ladies and gentlemen! We are momentarily held between the stations. We will be moving shortly. Meanwhile, sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery. –A train Driver: Welcome aboard the M86 crosstown bus. I apologize for the delay today; we will be moving momentarily. If you are carrying a grudge from school, or work, or home, please do not take it out on me. I promise you, we will be moving momentarily. –M86 bus Overheard by: Diane Conductor: Get all your possessions, including your body, inside the doors, if you want the train to move. It’s that simple. –S train Conductor: That was a very dangerous thing that you just did with the cane. –F train

Is It Going to Work Out with Wednesday One-liners?

Woman on cell: Yeah, he told me the next day that he cried himself to sleep. I got so mad. I was like, “I don’t wanna hear that shit!” –Target, Atlantic Avenue Overheard by: alex Chick: Is it really cheating if it only happened once? –26th & Lexington Guy on cell: Look, I’m driving so I can’t talk right now, ok? Good-bye…Fucking bitch, never leaves me alone. –Burger King, Union Turnpike Overheard by: Megan Cowles Girl: So are we breakin’ up or what? It’s getting late! –59th & Lexington Overheard by: Mike

I’m Sure That’s a Big Problem for You, Sir

Hobo #1: 100 years ago, America was full of real men! Real men who carried guns and wouldn’t be afraid to shoot you!…Hey baby, what stop you lookin’ for?
Hobo #2: She don’t like you.
Hobo #1: Yeah she does! I know everything about women! Ya just don’t marry them! –53rd Street station Overheard by: Dan

He is the Goddamn Stool Maker…Big Stool

Guy #1: Holy friggin’ crap dude, do you see the size of that guy over there?
Guy #2: Yeah. You see what he’s eating?
Guy #1: What is that, a salad?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well hats off to him for at least trying to eat like a normal person.
Guy #2: Are you kidding? Hats off to the goddamn stoolmaker. –Village Lantern, Bleecker Street Overheard by: Douglas