Archive for 2005

Wednesday One-liners Have Got Me All Excited

Queer: That girl shows her tits for pizza. She’s like an heiress or something, but she’s also a hooker on Craigslist. –Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street Guy: You’re much prettier than some random girl I saw at the airport
yesterday. –12 Chairs, Macdougal Street Hipster guy: I have a sexual thing for zombies. –4th & D Man on cell: What do you mean, “you are deeply fucked”? –St. Mark’s & 2nd Overheard by: ljdes Woman on cell: She looks like the kind of person who would giggle during sex. –Christopher Street Doorman: I feel sexy today! –81st & CPW Overheard by: Brad King Black chick: Damn, girl! You know you be fly when the boys in the yarmulkes be checkin’ yo’ ass out! –Broadway & 110th Overheard by: Max Ravyn Girl on cell: Mom, I don’t know what he’s supposed to have in his fridge, I usually don’t see anything but his sheets… –75th & 3rd Old lady: You were sexually active when you were 9? –76th & 3rd Overheard by: Pinsy

Law and Order and Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: …yeah, and then I got arrested. So what’s up with you? –Brooklyn Heights Cop: Man, there’s a lot of Grade A ass out here today! –Ground Zero Guy: Don’t feel bad, honey. I’d say that one out of every 8 guys is a convicted arsonist. –Union Square Cop: Man, I hate going to the bathroom. You gotta take all this stuff off! –Barnes & Noble, 22nd Street Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Boys Have Wednesday One-liners, Girls Have a Vagina

Girl on cell: Yeah…he was big. Real big. Like…it hurts big. I’m talking anaconda. –72nd Street 1/2/3 station Overheard by: Jennie S. Man on cell: I’m tired, man! I been working all week. Do I have to sign the paper with my dick?…No, I’m not complainin’. –84th & 2nd Lady: Yo, it smells like dirty dick over here. –Dakota Roadhouse, Park Place Overheard by: Courtney C Guy: Just because you’re hot and sweaty doesn’t mean you can’t have your cock hangin’ out on a Friday night. –Houston between Eldridge & Forsyth Women: Why does every man have to stare at my tits? Like they’ve never seen none before? Haven’t they seen their Momma’s or their wives’ or their girlfriends’? The other day a man asked me if my tits were real, I said, “Is your dick real?”. –7th & 30th Chickon cell: Yeah, girl, he has a turtle dick. –M5 bus Overheard by: Orianna Baez Girl: Believe me, if I wanted your dick up my ass, I would have put it there myself. –SOB’s, Varick Street

Boy Have a Penis; Girls Have Wednesday One-liners

Chick: I swear to god, I don’t know how nothing has happened to me yet, either I am infertile or the cure for herpes is in my vagina. –6 train Overheard by: brynn Man on cell: Hey, baby. It’s sure hot out today…you better get out those hot pants…I mean hot shorts…your pussy must be burning up. –56th & Broadway Businesswoman on cell: Aw, man. If only she were a hermaphrodite! Damn! –7th & Perry Korean dude: Are you suggesting that you have a super dope vagina? –Camel, W. 33rd Street Overheard by: Dave Min Man: We’re going to have a tampon fondue! –Duane Reade, Bay Ridge Overheard by: molina1230

What Did the Wednesday One-liners Just Say?

Bus driver: Will all the beautiful people please step to the rear? All the beautiful people, you know who you are. Thank you. –Q46 bus Overheard by: Joyce Shen Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen: if you’re running late for your train, try calling out “please wait.” Most conductors will! The magic word gets used so seldom down here. This is your conductor speaking. And I’ll wait. –F train Conductor: Why you waving your hand in the door? You trying to catch a cab? –B train Bus driver: If you want good air conditioning, move to the middle. This bus is crap! –QM1 bus Overheard by: MissDona Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we have some good news and some bad news. Bad news is that our engine has stopped. The good news is that you’re not on an airplane. –MetroNorth train Overheard by: Nic Conductor: Attention ladies and gentlemen, this is not an interactive ride! Please do not hold the doors. –D train Overheard by: Camodee D PA system: Ladies and gentlemen, riding on the outside of cars is dangerous. Please ride fully inside the cars. –4 train Overheard by: OJ-Gangas Conductor: This is the D train headed to the Bronx. I repeat, this is the D train. D, as in Denise Richards. –D train

Wednesday One-liners, I’m Your Father

Father: Oh, you mean hummus. Hamas is a terrorist organization. –14th & 6th Overheard by: Daniel Radosh Man on stoop on cell: Son, it sounds like you got yourself an STD. –Windsor Terrace Overheard by: LaurenG Dad: Now don’t go getting lost again. It cost me a lot of money to get you back last time. –Bronx Zoo Father: It was because of nuclear proliferation. All the dinosaurs shot nukes at each other. –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: JB Man: The last time a bird pooped on me I met your mother. –Central Park Zoo

Wednesday One-liners Might Want to See a Doctor

Guy: I got a medical procedure. It’s a done deal. It’s called a biops. –Highbridge, The Bronx Overheard by: Kaitlen Man on cell phone: You forgot the safety word? –Union Square Overheard by: Maggie and David Chick: I’m going to papercut you ferociously. –Fordham Overheard by: Jess McGins Girl: Yo, I think these Band-Aids give me street cred. –Times Square Overheard by: Rocio Burga Girl on cell: I hate him! I don’t want to invite him since he rammed his head into a wall at the bar…Yeah, she’s okay…When did he get cancer?…Of course, he can be invited; he has cancer. Wait…does he like to ram his head into walls? –Penn Station Overheard by: Clay Stewart Woman on cell: Oh my God, I’m about to explode. I got these tight-ass pants on and my stomach is about to explode over my belt. –1st Avenue & 2nd Street Overheard by: Sarah Dell’Orto

Wednesday One-liners Provide No Easy Answer

Dork: Yeah, but he can spend all that money and gross like a billion dollars, but it’s totally gonna fuck up his legacy, man. Like that guy who was playing when Mozart was around, you know? Whatever happened to that guy? –Diner, Astoria Man: How could you do that to me on my birthday month? –5th between 19th & 20th Overheard by: Marci Kaufman Girl: When you look at a little person, don’t you just want to pick them up? –Union Square Overheard by: Melissa Wechsler Art Store guy: …the Army was really persistent. They said, “Oh, we always need artists in the Army.” And I’m like, “No, you fucking don’t! What am I gonna do, paint with the enemy’s blood?”. –New York Central Art Supply, 3rd Avenue Overheard by: tourist girl Lady: Excuse me, is this train going uptown or downtown? –L train platform, Union Square station Overheard by: Brenna Sinnott