Amy Poehler: Yeah, I can’t believe I was pretending to jerk off on a gay cruise and looking at Seth the whole time. He was really embarrassed and didn’t know what to do. –26th & 8th
A man is stumbling down the street. He trips, falls hard and hits his head on the ground.
Guy: Sir, excuse me, are you okay? You just fell really hard.
Man: …Fuck you. –14th & 6th Overheard by: The L0rdz
Girl: The smell was so bad, it’s like it wasn’t even a smell!
–92nd Street Y
Overheard by: Tony Daussat
Woman: It might smell in here, and if it smells we are leaving.
–7th & A
Overheard by: Danielle
Girl #1: Ew! It smells like period!
Girl #2: That’s so gross! Stop saying that! –Bowery & 3rd Bicyclist guy #1: Oh god, yo dude let’s get the fuck out of here. It stanks, New York City smells.
Bicyclist guy #2: Yo man, I told you America stinks. You should move to Jamaica. –58th & 8th
Fat woman #1: Why do people keep asking me [about the long line]? Do I have one of those approachable faces?
Fat woman #1: The guy thing is, she has no problem attracting. And anyone willing to put out will never get love. Doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2 or a size 20.
Fat woman #1: I am a soup lover!
Fat woman #1: Look at the makeup on this lady with the green hat coming up! She takes the crosstown bus sometimes. Spectacular. Spectacular. Can you imagine if Joe saw that? He’d come over and ask her out.
Fat woman #2: That’s everyday?
Fat woman #1: That’s not special, not Halloween. I love it when she wears her army fatigues. She wears the jacket, the pants… Fat woman #2: What are you in the mood for? Something chicken noodley or something exotic?
Fat woman #1: I might get two! Fat woman #1: So Yen Ling. I asked her, “What do you want to be called? Yen or Yen Ling?” She says, “Yen Ling”, I say, “Fine.” So I’m going around introducing her and she’s saying “Yen”, “Yen”, “Yen.” It’s just like, if you want to be called Yen Ling, why are you saying “Yen”?
Fat woman #2: What’s her last name?
Fat woman #1: Yu.
Fat woman #2: Yu?
Fat woman #1: It’s one of those.
Fat woman #2: Sounds like a comedy routine. “Who?” “Yu!”
Fat woman #1: “Who, you?” Note: The Nazi was sold out of crab bisque, and all of the meaty soups except for mulligatawny. –42nd & 5th
Little boy: Hey, ma! Look how much of this banana I can stick in my mouth! –Broadway & Canal Overheard by: A-Rod
Crazy guy: Fresh! I been made for this. Apostrophes don’t count. –C train
Guy on cell: I don’t want your money, just the rights to your son. –44th & 5th Overheard by: Anonymous
Hipster guy: If I take off my pants and there’s blood on my cock, it’ll totally be your fault. –13th & B Overheard by: WillieBee
Drunk guy: Cleopatra! Let down your hair! –89th & 2nd
Guy: The thing is, when you’re a pothead all of your friends are going to be potheads because when you’re out of pot, that’s who you’re going to call. –The Magician, Rivington Street