Mom: Enjoy the Army, Sweetie

High school kid: I’m thinking of staying in the city for school.
Friend: Really?
High school kid: Yeah, I kinda want to stay in my apartment.
Friend: Oh, I thought it would be to party or something. Why would you want to live at home?
High school kid: Oh, don’t worry, I’m going to kick my mom out first. –Penn Station Overheard by: courtney

On the Plus Side, You Know How to Divide Your Legs.

Girl #1: How do you find the area of a triangle again?
Girl #2: Add the bottom and top sides and multiply the sum by the height. Then divide everything by two.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! I can't believe I forgot that, I'm so stupid. Thanks! –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Celia Kim

Wednesday One-Liner — As Seen in Coming to America

Little British girl: Mummy, I absolutely love Queens. It is like being in the city, but you are really still in the countryside! –Astoria Overheard by: has actually been to the countryside Hipster to hipster friends: I could never live in a place called Queens. –Ave B & E 4th St Overheard by: PROUD QUEENS NATIVE… Conductor: You may also transfer here to the g train to Queens. Queens, which was named after Freddie Mercury. –F Train Loud recently released passenger: I love Queens. Love Queens. I don't want to be locked up anywhere but Queens. –Metro North Rail Overheard by: bunbury

Wednesday One-Minors

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls. –Flushing, Queens Overheard by: Tara Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?! –NYU Kimmel Center Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU? Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate! –M104 Bus Overheard by: Samantha Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men! –Bergdorf Goodman Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money. –Borders, Columbus Circle Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?

… With a Camcorder

Distraught woman: So, you know, I got a flat tire… Not on the Honda, you know, the Volvo.
Friend: Right.
Distraught woman: Well, this guy comes over to help me, but it turns out he only stopped because he was a foot fetishist… –1 train Overheard by: probably why she was on the subway

Wednesday One-Liners from H-E Double Hockey Sticks

Guy looking at books, to no one in particular: I don’t want to hear or see anything about the devil, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: 153 Guy hawking pamphlets: How to sucker punch the devil right in the ass! –W 12th & Brodway Overheard by: Why didn’t I get that pamphlet?! Coworker about colleague: Every time he comes by here the number 666 comes up. –1250 Broadway Punk kid, walking past a group of nuns: Hail Satan! –Waverly & Greene Professor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet interesting people there! –Cooper Union, Astor Place Overheard by: Hopefully not me! Crazy older lady screaming on cell: You what? You are buying soda? You are going to go to fucking hell! Don’t you remember the promise you made to god? You’re probably standing in line with some goddamn candy too. You are going to hell! –W Train Overheard by: DR G LUV