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June 2005 Archives
He's Just Not That Into Your Calendar
Girl #1: So he told me that no matter what happens on June 31st, he will come to my house and we'll discuss our wedding.
Girl #2: I wish my boyfriend would be there for me.
Girl #1: It sounds nice, doesn't it? Except there is no 31st of June.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I'm gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That's awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno...
Catholic schoolgirl: Let's see...June, July, August, September, November...December? No, that's not right...January, February, April, May...
--N train
Overheard by: Olga Kogan
Maybe She Wasn't Standing When Her Water Broke
Chick #1: What's the deal with Mimi, anyway? She's been pregnant for a while.
Chick #2: I know. I'm beginning to think she's just fat.
--Mimi Maternity, 87th & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Hey "Mom": It Can't Drown if There's No Water
Girl #1: When I'm older and I'm pregnant, I hope I'm standing when my water breaks cause I don't want the baby to come down and, like, drown.
Girl #2: My Mom went down in a gutter with me.
--B44 bus
Not One As Widespread as Idiocy
Girl #1: They named their kid Lotus?
Girl #2: That's kind of cool.
Girl #1: How?
Girl #2: Well, it's got good connotations, you know? I mean, you'd never meet a bitch named Lotus.
Girl #1: Yeah, but...weren't they, like, a plague?
--John Fluevog, Mulberry Street
Overheard by: Courtney
Overheard on the Radio
The creators of this site were just on The Brian Lehrer Show (listen here).
As the producer explained to the host who we were and what we're about, she handed him some printouts of site quotes and ended with: ...and don't say fucktard, obviously.
--Centre Street office
It's Hungry for a Baby
College boy #1: Did you see the camel toe on her? It was like her vagina was hungry or something.
College boy #2: Yeah, she had a ravenous vagina.
--Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Brooklyn Julie
No, That's Alcoholautism
Arty girl: You know what Asperger's is, right?
Arty guy: No.
Arty girl: It's that type of Autism where people are obsessed with trains.
Arty guy: Oh! So is that what all the subway conductors have?
--F train
I Think I'm Going to Be Sick
Girl #1: She looks so good now, though!
Girl #2: Yeah, well, if she would keep a meal down once in a while she might not...
--9th Avenue & Little West 12th Street
Overheard by: Wyatt Neumann
Girl #1: They were all wondering why I wasn't eating, and they kept asking me to eat something, so I just finally had a sandwich to shut them up. So when I went back to the hotel, I threw up.
Girl #2: I totally understand, I would have done the same thing.
--NYSC locker room, 23rd & Park
We Love It When Our Friends Become Successful
For those of you into voyeurism and candor, the website Double Agent is based on the premise of "women spying on women for men." We asked the guys over there for some recommendations of their work, and these fly-on-the-wall video clips are what they came up with: 1, 2, 3, 4. Enjoy!
Don't Give a Guy Ideas
Girl: You don't like hot dogs?
Guy: Only at baseball games.
Girl: Well, we could go downstairs and, like, throw a bat around.
--59th Street office
Forget Get That Tool; She's Not Loose
Guy: Are you a robot?
Chick: What?
Guy: Are you a robot? Because I think you need some repairs.
Chick: No, I'm not.
Guy: Are you sure? Because I got a screwdriver in my back seat.
--Broadway between Spring & Broome
Overheard by: Jessica Jaglois
Just Wait Until He Hits Satellite...
Mom: I don't know where you learned a word like that! Where would you hear that? That's a bad name. We don't call people that. I just don't understand where you would have picked that up. Maybe from Howard Stern.
--2 train
Wednesday One-liners Need Relationship Counseling
Black guy: I ain't saying I love her, but I got feelings for the bitch.
--82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Rick Segall
Fratboy: Fuck the afterlife. I want my 72 virgins now.
--111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Shoplady on phone: Oh, so did she tell you about her sex? Well, she told me...I mean, she's ugly but it's good to know even ugly people can have good imaginary sex.
--Barbara Feinman Millinery, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Sarah C
Jamaican lady: We don't fuck for enjoyment, we fuck for love.
--Washington Heights
Guy on cell: You had sex with my sister!...Well was she any good?...Where the hell did she learn that nifty trick?
--Times Square
Guy: Oh, you should come by the soup kitchen I run. There are no homeless people. Only real estate people. I used to go...I would go on Wednesday (snaps fingers) and I'd have a date for Saturday.
--Union Squre theatre
Suit: Marriage is so fucking out in banking right now. I was engaged for a while, just because I wanted to plant my seed, you know. But that didn't work out.
--Wall Street
Overheard by: Black Red Yellow NYC
Wednesday One-liners Love Their Sports
Guy: I was never any good at sports...I've watched the Superbowl a few times.
--Flatiron office
Lady on phone: Yeah, they have seat fillers at the Oscars and other award shows, you didn't know that? It's so when they pan over the audience it doesn't look like a Mets game.
--40th Street office
Overheard by: Clay Caviness
Guy: I'm not going to be the only guy at the hockey party holding an apple turnover.
--Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Christopher Miner
Wednesday One-liners Ain't Talking Without a Lawyer
Guy: Just because I got a felony doesn't mean I'm going to jail.
--outside Kew Gardens Criminal Courthouse
Overheard by: Scott Bee
Man walking down the street with a wooden square around his neck says: I'm an innocent man! I've been framed, I'm tellin' ya!
--Carmine & Bleecker
Black guy: Yo, do y'all got $6? Whoa, whoa, listen, I'm Black but I'm no criminal!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Erica Gridelli
Wednesday One-liners Have Questions About NY
Tourist guy: We're staying down on Two Avenue. Now do they say Two Avenue or Second Avenue here?
--Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Chess
Tourist woman: We're in Manhattan, right?
--Times Square
Tourist girl: Can't we like, just call a cab? You know, like, "Hi, we need a cab, pick us up here?"
--42nd between Broadway & 6th
Overheard by: Heather Hunter
Tourist guy: Do they just breed dogs smaller here, or what?
--Broadway & Astor
Overheard by: jillypickle
Those Jews and Their Wednesday One-liners
Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York?
--61st & 5th
Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen
Tourist girl: What's a knish? I don't know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one?
--Yonah Schimmel's Knishery, Houston Street
White girl: There's really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys...Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they're pretty much the same.
--184th & Bennett
Girl: I don't know if it's an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on!
--French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street
Overheard by: Dottie McFarland
Wednesday One-liners Are Ready to Order
Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don't speak English so they didn't understand what you wanted.
--ESPNZone, Times Square
Overheard by: Rachel W
Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn't swollen at all. They was tellin' me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin' rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone.
--M train
A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere.
--Indochine, Lafayette Street
Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, "What's the problem?".
--47th & 9th
Overheard by: JH
Woman: Can you please make sure it's a boy lobster? I'm only into boys, and don't want to eat a girl.
--Austin ale house, Kew Gardens
Overheard by: tom
Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don't pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home.
--Williamsburg
Overheard by: Alita
Wednesday One-liners in: The Dangers of Cell Phones
Woman on cell: Hi honey...yes, I'm fine...I can hear you...stop saying hello to me. I goddammn hate it when you say hello.
--42nd & Madison
Hobo: Hey, miss! Yeah, you! Talkin' on your cell! Don't walk away from me! I see you listenin' to me! Hell, I can hear you listenin' to me!
--43rd & 8th
Woman on cell: Guess where I am....guess where I am!...Hello? Hello? Shit!
--La Baguette, University Place
Overheard by: Matty K
Wednesday One-liners Have to Get an Intervention
Woman: Oh! I got you some Xanax for your wedding day.
--14th & 9th
Guy: I don't call myself an alcoholic any more. I find it really hard to separate out my shit like that.
--Washington Square South
Woman: I think I'm just going to stay in and have a heroin night.
--11th & University
Wednesday One-liners Have Their Priorities Straight
Three JHS boys pass a woman in a tight t-shirt and mini-skirt talking on her cell. One stares slack-jawed, then says to his buddies: Wow! That was the new Motorola.
--79th Street between Columbus & Amsterdam
Guy: As soon as I get my unemployment check, I'm going to buy a new TV.
--Penn Station
Woman on cell: I lost my sunglasses and I have cancer.
--34th & Madison
Overheard by: Lisa
Boy, 8: Look Mom! I think Daddy likes the Hummer more than you.
--Astoria
Overheard by: Adam Kraemer
Guy on pay phone: I haven't decided if I prefer the smell of fresh urine or stale urine. I'll let you know.
--Hotel Edison, West 47th Street
Guy: I told you what my goal is: to be lazy. 20 years from now, I want to be lazy.
--St. Mark's Place between 2nd & 3rd
Wednesday One-liners are Open for Business
Girl on cell: Do you think any galleries will be open on Sunday?
--21st & Broadway
Woman: He didn't come here to be Korean; he moved here to be a hipster. Then he realized he could open a store, and he turned Korean.
--2nd Avenue & 6th Street
Private School girl: So is, like, everything in this place by Chanel?
--Metropolitan Museum of Art
Man: What do you mean, you ran out of keys? How does a hotel run out of keys?
--The Hotel on Rivington
Overheard by: Joe Quint
Queer: Well I figured I make $7 an hour at Journey's working full time. So if I cut back to part time and get a second job making $7 an hour, I'll be making $14 an hour and I can pay all my bills!
--Nederlander Theater, West 41st Street
Overheard by: Nomi Malone
You're Thinking of Her Writing
Blonde: I hate Anne Rice.
Brunette: Me too! Isn't she dead?
Blonde: Oh God, no! Remember, she's writing that Jesus novel?
Brunette: Oh right. For some reason I always think she's dead.
--The Strand
Overheard by: Sexy Beast
"...he put it in my holster 9 months before you were born."
Mother: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Daughter: A cop.
Mother A cop? You don't want to be no cop, what do you want to be a cop for?
Daughter: So I can carry a gun.
Mother: You don't need to be a cop to have a gun. Your dad ain't no cop and he has a gun.
--F train
Overheard by: Paul Swenson
Get the One That Folds Into a Suitcase
Woman: He's not getting a new cell phone until the technology improves.
Man: Oh yeah, well I'm not commuting to work anymore until I get my flying car!
--Public Theater, Lafayette Street
Overheard by: Sean McArdle
Her Style Was More That of a Gelfling, Anyway
Queer #1: That was a guest conductor, right? The short one.
Queer #2: You mean the hobbit?
Queer #1: Oh, I didn't look at her feet.
Queer #2: Honey, it was a metaphor.
--NY City Ballet, Lincoln Center
Somewhere Between Swiping and Wiping
Man #1: Are you in line for the bus?
Man #2: The bus? No, I'm in line for the bathroom.
Man #1: Well, I'm waiting for the bus.
--Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd
Overheard by: Michelle
New York City Subway Stories
Conductor #1: This is 34th Street. Transfer is available to the B, Q, D...B...Q...Penn Station...D--
Conductor #2: Move over. D, Q, N, R. Stand clear.
--F train
Overheard by: Cole Couture
Hipster: Did the train just pass 28th street?
Woman: Yes, it went express, but you could get off at 14th and switch to the uptown train.
Homeboy: Or you could take your chances, break the window with a crowbar and jump out now.
--1 train
Overheard by: Hayley
Man: This won't do. All bad smelling people get the hell off the train.
At the next stop most of the car clears out.
Man: That's what I'm talking about.
--A train
A Black kid and his Hispanic girlfriend are arguing on the train. The kid is holding her in the seat and she is trying to rip off his shirt. The entire car is watching, as if it were a car wreck.
Hispanic girl: You're always showing off!
Black kid: What?
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black passenger guy: Man, why's it always gotta be our people pulling this shit? You never see White people pulling this shit. You never see Chinese people pulling this shit. Man!
--C train
Two women were sitting next to each other, one clearly from New York, the other not. The tourist woman gestured with her chin at the conductor's booth and asked: Is that the bathroom?
--A train
I Guess Water is for Pussies
Woman: I stopped smoking six months ago, and now I'm lubricating so much better. I'm always wet at the right time.
--Lexington & 55th Deli
Guy: Is it raining?
Girl: No.
Guy: Then why the fuck am I getting wet?
Girl: Because it's drizzling.
--Coney Island
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Guy #1: She says she usually needs to make out for like a half hour before she starts to get wet.
Guy #2: You should just use your spit.
--2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: J.
Nothing's As Manly As a Soft Drink
Guy #1: Yo, I don't even believe in water, alls I drink is Pepsi.
Guy #2: Yep yep, water's for pussies.
--47th & 9th
Depends on If She Was Coughing Up Blood
Girl #1: Stop coughing! Who the fuck do you think you are?
Girl #2: John Lennon.
Girl #1: No. You're not.
--6th Avenue & 11th Street
Hey New York: What Did You Think of the Parade?
Hipster: ...yeah, I really don't know...I mean, you see one drag queen on some kinda float, you seen 'em all.
--Le Monde, 112th & Broadway
Guy #1: So yeah, I saw that nigga out in the Village. That man is wilding, bro.
Guy #2: Word?
Guy #1: Yeah, dat nigga is out there rapping fags. He be like in a alley, and he be like, "yo commere", then he fucks 'em, bro.
Guy #2: Ha, ha. Yo, dat's fucked up man, that nigga always was crazy.
--M14 bus
Girl: I totally thought I was going to see my gym teacher here.
--7th Avenue & Greenwich
Overheard by: Lukas
Sounds Like a Soggy Biscuit Was Involved
Guy #1: Yeah, I really like her but she's already got three kids.
Guy #2: With how many guys?
Guy #1: I don't know, three or four.
--1 train
Overheard by: crumbr
My Anti-Drug? Bad Conversation
Guy #1: Hey man, how you been?
Guy #2: Good, man.
Guy #1: What you been up to?
Guy #2: ...Sorry man, just spaced out.
Guy #1: That's cool, I am coked out of my mind right now anyway.
--Cobble Hill
My Dandruff Became Made of Frosting
Hipster with bike: I swear dude, an entire dumpster, full of unopened boxes of Pop-Tarts.
Hipster without bike: Dude.
Hipster with bike: I swear man, I lived on them for the entire summer!
--10th Street between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: ann
I Wonder Why Billy Started Stuttering
Private School boy: Mummy, will you sing the song?!
Mummy: When I see a hearse go by, then I know the next to die...
--Astoria
So George Bush is a Body of Water Now?
Lady: What's that lake that separates the North and the South?
Man: What lake?
Lady: You know, that big lake?
Man: I thought it was a river.
--B train
Overheard by: cee
Or, As Some Call Them, "Children"
Guy #1: It is so over, but he doesn't know it yet.
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah. Too much wifey drama.
--The Roxy, W. 18th Street
Overheard by: Carlynn Houghton
Depends on What Kind of Freaky She Feels Like
Girl #1: These are my fat ass pants.
Girl #2: Oh...so are they supposed to make your ass look fat or thin?
--58th & 5th
Watch The Urban Explorers This Week at 5PM
Drunk guy: Gosh, that is the biggest slug I have ever seen in my life!
Sober girl: Everything always has to be the Discovery Channel with you, Eric!
--Bayside LIRR platform
Overheard by: kate garaufis
Respect a Man When You're in His Quasi-home
Hobo: Help me! I have 9 starving kids at home!
Suit: Yesterday you had 12 starving kids, what happened?
Hobo: That's right and the 2 of them died in a horrible fire yesterday! Please help me!
Suit: What happened to the 12th?
Hobo: Man, get the fuck outta here, you're fucking up my rap!
--57th Street station
Also Doesn't Know: Scotch Tape, Sharpie...
Guy: Do you carry Frisbees?
Duane Reade lady: What's a Frisbee?
--Duane Reade, 89th and Columbus
Overheard by: Ethan Aronoff
Don't Forget the Ironic Lawn Jockeys!
Black guy #1: I don't want a fucking lawn.
Black guy #2: But that's the American dream.
Black guy #1: I swear, you have become such a bitch since you moved to Georgia.
Black guy #3: Yeah, that nigga's got a screen door.
--West 4th between Sullivan & MacDougal
Complete with the "Experimenting"
Cop: All right guy, you have two options--
Old man: Let me guess, you gonna lock me up? Man, I go to jail like summer camp.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Toon
I'm Sure Someone At Pride Could Help You
A Kosher Deli has a neon sign in the shape of a sky-line.
Guy: What's with all the phalluses?
Girl: That's Jeruselum. They're church towers or something.
Guy: Oh...is "phalluses" the right way to make that plural?
--Broadway & 32nd
Lost in Transcription
Girl: Are you mad at me?
Guy: No.
Girl: Are you being sarcastic?
Guy: No.
Girl: Now are you being sarcastic?
Guy: No.
Girl: Now are you being sarcastic?
Guy: Well yeah, now.
--B45 bus
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
We've Clearly Won the Education Battle
Guy on cell: Holy shit, she's too fucking old to get AIDS. The virus would be like "Ew, fuck that, she's old."
--F train
Overheard by: Glynnis
A blocked sewer grate causes a nasty-looking puddle. A Black guy steps over it and says: This shit's disgusting. This is how we all get AIDS.
--23rd & Park
Overheard by: Erica
Happy Sodom & Gomorrah Day, New York!
Lesbian #1: Huh. There seems to be a disproportionate number of queers around here.
Lesbian #2: Darling, we're on Christopher Street.
--Christopher Street
Boy: Mom, I want gadgets!
Mother: No, Trevor. Not those gadgets.
--Christopher Street
Thug #1: Why would I pay $170 for new Jordans, when I can pay $250 for a pair of Pradas?
Thug #2: I hear dat.
Thug #1: Plus I'm sure to get more ass in Pradas.
--JFK Airtrain
Overheard by: les koh
Latin guy: What are you staring at?
White guy: I can't get over how beautiful the bartender is. Look at her, she looks like a movie star.
Latin guy: That's a guy.
White guy: I know.
--The Stonewall, Christopher Street
Chick on cell: Yo, I'm going to that gay parade, those people are doin' it. Those boys be makin' each other cum.
--Target, Atlantic Avenue
"In Calls or Out?"
Guy #1: So what do you do?
Guy #2: I'm a therapist.
Guy #1: Wow. Master's or PhD?
Guy #2: Massage.
--22nd & 8th
Overheard by: Ben Wade
Billion to One Odds Says God Doesn't Agree
Old lady: Your dog is beautiful!
Young lady: Than--
Old lady: It's terrible what they do to those dogs in China. I won't even say but it's awful...Chinese people don't even deserve to live.
--Sunnyside post office
Because the Temptations Are Too Great
A buppie is parking his BMW, blasting a '50s rock 'n roll tune out the window.
Thug: Why a nigga wanna be listenin' to that shit?
--Brooklyn Heights
And That's One to Grow On
Guy on cell: Seriously [Bryan] the shit won't go away! The fucking rash is still there....yes, I put that cream on my dick but shit, it's still there!...Oh, I have to put the cream on more than once? You never mentioned that.
Woman: Sweetie, everyone knows you have to put cream on more than once, no matter where you put it.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Ali
Not Everyone Can Be So Lucky As to Be Homeless
Hobo: Hey, man! Don't ever sit on the curb. It's bad luck, man. I've been on the street for 25 years. 25 years! And I have never sat on the curb. You should never sit on the curb. Take it from me, I've been on the streets for 25 years. It's bad luck.
--7th & A
Overheard by: Devin Sinski
Tovarish, I Suggest You Go Do Just That
Russian guy on cell: Who wouldn't want to fuck me? I'm tall, handsome, talkative, and intelligent. Hell I want to fuck myself.
--68th & 1st
Overheard by: laura holden
Now That's Just Plain Racist
Professor: What is significant about the character's reaction?
Chick: Well, you can tell he's scared because he's really pale.
Professor: ...what do you mean, he's pale? It's a black and white film, they're all pale.
--New School film class
My Guess? Lonely Man Mails Self Open Parcel
Guy: Why is that package open?
Clerk: I can't open it.
Guy: It's already opened, why is it open?
Clerk: Sir, I'm not allowed to open it. If you want it, sign the card.
Guy: I want to know why it's open, is anything in it?
Clerk: I can't open it.
3 minutes of this ensue.
Guy: Just give me the stupid package.
Clerk: Why are you still talking?
--Sunnyside post office
Taste Nasty, Even With a Chaser
Man on cell: Dave? Hi, it's Vince...fine, and you? Great. Listen, Dave, my boss was really interested in your video work, and he'd love to see more...yes, right. He's going to want you to come in for an interview. But I have to ask you a question, okay? How do you feel about cum shots?
--Broadway & 52nd
Overheard by: Meg Kane
Nothing Beats Soft Blow from a White Brooklyn Chick
White guy: Did I tell you I met a White chick?
Girl: No...do you like her?
White guy: She's cool. She's from Brooklyn, so that softens the blow.
--Times Square
Yeah, It's Weird That Old People Know How to Use a Phone
Brooklyn girl #1: So I was in this restaurant and some guy asks the owner who I am and gets my phone number and calls me. That's weird.
Brooklyn girl #2: That's not weird, that's cute.
Brooklyn girl #1: Yeah, but he was like 30.
Brooklyn girl #2: Ew, that's weird.
--D train
Overheard by: Jen
Old man: Why do I have to download ringtones when it never rings anyway?
--Worldwide Plaza, 49th & 8th
Overheard by: mark manne
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So is He If He Doesn't Cool It
There is this guy scratching his balls, going deep. A little girl is around him, and two ladies are about to walk by. After observing the ball scratching and the little girl, one lady says: She is going to be scarred for life.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: Tamika J.
Jesus Also Went by "Spike", But He Had a Reason
Lab coat guy: So, her son's name is Spike? Who names their kid Spike?
Blue shirt guy: No. His real name is something stupid like Leonard.
--Washington Mutual, 71st & 1st
I Wouldn't Have Sex with a Rock for Any Price
Punk chick: Yeah, so my boss totally has this $20,000 rock in his yard.
Hipster chick: No way, like a diamond?
Punk chick: No, like a fucking rock.
--6 train
It's Not Feigning If You Cop to It!
Guy #1: Whatever, you could feign interest in this conversation.
Guy #2: I am.
--Broadway & 44th
Overheard by: Matt Kuzelka
Somewhere, A Sardine is Turning Green with Envy
Two tween girls push into a very crowded train, causing a woman to almost lose her footing.
Woman: You can't just push if there's nowhere to go!
The doors start to close.
Tween girl: Obviously I could.
--6 train
Overheard by: Francesca
Not Exactly a Quick Wit There, Mercutio
Charity mugger: Do you have a minute for the environment?
Guy: What?
Charity mugger: Do you have a minute for the environment?
Guy: What?
Charity mugger: We're working to reduce mercury pollution.
Guy: Sorry, I don't like planet Earth english.
--Broadway between Canal & Howard
That's More "un-F-able"
Guy: ...it's just part of my ineffable charm!
Girl: If "ineffable" means "unfuckable" you're right on the money.
--Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Manhattman
If There Were, That Would Be a Great School Trip
Lady: I'm looking for non-leather shoes.
Saleswoman: Why non-leather?
Lady: I'm vegan. I don't wear any animal products.
Saleswoman: Well, they don't kill the cows to get the leather.
Lady: Where do you think they get the leather from? Do you think there's a bunch of skinless cows roaming a farm somewhere?
--Forest Hills shoe store
Overheard by: MG
Especially When You're Pulling a Baby Human Through It
Guy: He paid for all that and you didn't even fuck him at the end of the night?
Girl: Nada.
Guy: It must be fantastic having a vagina.
Girl: Sometimes it really is.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Mark Blaise Fallon
Dakota Fanning Continues Her Downward Spiral
Chick #1: What is up with that dude?
Chick #2: You mean that little girl over there?
Chick #1: Yeah. Oh, OK.
--Tompkins Square Park
There is, But It Involves Being Chained in a Dark Cave
Boyfriend: Baby, that was amazing last night.
Girlfriend: I know...
Boyfriend: Really. that was the best head you ever gave me. Easily in the top five.
Girlfriend: Top five ever? Or just from me?
Boyfriend: Um...
Girlfriend: Who was better than me?
Boyfriend: That's a ridiculous question. There's no Platonic ideal of blowjobs.
--2nd Ave. & 5th St.
Overheard by: Franklin
Sometimes Foods Have the Oddest Etymologies
Girl #1: What was that called again?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: You know...it's pudding with rice in it?
Girl #2: You mean rice pudding?
--St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Gabby
Skater guy: Fuck, man, this apple juice is damn good.
Skater girl: Apple juice? I always thought that was orange juice.
--31st & 6th
But You Get to Meet Whichever Celebrity You Want!
Girl: The guy in this photo has gigantism. It's a condition where you don't stop growing--
Guy: That rocks.
Girl: --but you die really young.
Guy: Oh wait, it doesn't.
--Diane Arbus exhibit, The Met
Overheard by: Eviltom
Never Get Your Colostomy Bag Excited
Girl: So, what happens when it gets stimulated, it gets bigger?
Guy: Yeah, it sticks out a litte bit and looks kinda weird...
--10th & University
Overheard by: Sarah
Well, Those Are the Two Options
Chick: So, you're working here now?
Barista guy: Well, had they taught me karate from a young age like they were supposed to I would be fighting shoguns in Japan right now.
--Park Slope coffee shop
Overheard by: kendell chambers
His Aberrant Sex Practice is Wednesday One-liners
Guy on cell: Can you imagine having sex with a two year old and a three year old at the same time?
--79th & 5th
Overheard by: Jackie
College chick: So, best case scenario she thinks you're a lesbian. Worst case scenario, she thinks you're a child molester.
--M16 bus
Chick: Oh yeah, 'cause we all know how I like to swap spit. With random people...like the cleaning ladies.
--FIT
Always Complaining About Wednesday One-liners
Lady: I don't like to parallel park...it messes up my hair.
--61st & Madison
Guy: Seriously, you are being ridiculous. You need to calm the fuck down. You still have 2 more stops and what are your expectations with that outfit? Let me off.
--L train
Man on cell: I served lemonade for 6 hours! It wasn't fucking bartending! It sucked!
--61st & 3rd
Chinese chick: Oh, I don't watch baseball. I just recently found out what a home run is. I used to think they would, like, run home, and I was like, what the fuck is the point of that?
--B6 bus
Man on cell: Are you a fucking retard or do you just play one in real life?
--Penn Station
Girl: I don't know why I pay for the internet. The only sites I ever use are Friendster, Craigslist and Overheard In New York and I'll be honest, sometimes they just don't do it for me.
--2 train
Punk chick: ...hate it when my dirt washes off. It keeps me warm.
--St. Mark's between 1st & A
Chick: You're not the one who had to teach a fucking dance class from 9 to 5. I had to teach dance from 9 to 5. And I have to do it again tomorrow. I don't wanna fucking dance anymore. I have tendonitis!
--12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Domi & Rachel
Wednesday One-liners are a Special Area
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
--6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I'm gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you're going to hear the fucking desert like it's a seashell.
--43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: ...when you remove a man's genitals, it's a sin.
--Port Authority
Guy on cell: I'm busy. I'm getting my dick sucked right now.
--4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn't till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, "Dude, what is wrong with yours?", and they were like, "No man, it's you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn."
--38th & 3rd
Suit: If you're a dick you can do anything.
--Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn't pee.
--25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He's a hermaphrodite...he was born that way...his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
--50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don't sell that shit in stores!
--SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
Wednesday One-liners Go Off on Rants
Hobo: Oh shit, baboons. They might bite me. I gotta be careful!
--54th & 7th
Crazy lady: Of course, as you can see, there are Fiddlywumps in there, and that's the number one sign that you should leave the area immediately.
--14th & 7th
Crazy man: You know how da fish swibbles as it follows da current on da waves? It's a baddacudda outta control. Dat's what happens in ya mind. Ya know, da mind waves?
--42nd & 6th
Wheeltard: I'm a fucking genius! I'm a fucking genius! Hitler was amazing, everyone hail Hitler!
--7th Avenue & Grove
Hobo: Man, I'm going to fuckin' Hong Kong. I'm sick of dodging bullets every day.
--110th & Morningside Drive
Overheard by: Laird
Taxi driver: There's too many fucking buses in this city! And they all empty! And now you going to go kill all the Arabs for the gas for the empty fucking buses!
--5th Avenue cab
Overheard by: Megan E.
Crazy guy: Geraldo Rivera and his army. Is his wife in there? Bring her too.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: KJD
Crackhead: I can't get married because first they took the land from the Indians and then they tried to take money from the poor and eliminate races!
--40th & Park
Overheard by: Vanessa
Wednesday One-liners Run Afoul of the Law
Black guy: It really tore me up to have to beat that nigga with a chair.
--Times Square
Drunk: Fuck getting arrested! I don't care! But my point is this...
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Guy: See, Francie? See how it's all pink around the nail? That's from jabbing my thumb into that guy.
--48th & 1st
Guy on bike: ...and she said, "What are you going to do, shoot me?" and that was the last thing she ever said.
--Forest Hills
Old White lady: Oh no, I didn't get any blood on me, I stayed away from the action. I was the one doing the shooting.
--Aaron Davis Hall, Convent Avenue
Guy on cell: You're in Florida? You're driving back right? Get me a nine!...I don't give shit where you buy it from, get me a nine milimeter. For real, all those southern states you're driving through, you can get one from somewhere!
--DeMarco's Pizza, Houston Street
The Mother of All Wednesday One-liners
Man: Did anyone else notice my mother's leopard print panties?
--1st Avenue & 10th Street
Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma's condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?
--47th & 9th
Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don't make any.
--Brooklyn Heights
Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It's not fun. You should know.
--F train
Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she's like.
--Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?...Can you please stop giving me the finger?
--LIRR
Overheard by: CMichaels
Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.
--Barney's, Madison Avenue
Wednesday One-liners Don't Make the Cut
Girl: I'm warning you in advance, way in advance: don't get too drunk tonight, you always end up with someone bad.
--St. Mark's Place
Woman: ...and now I don't want to even see his feet much less touch them!
--72nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Nora
JetBlue chick: You can't be dating him, he looks all dyslexic.
--JFK
Overheard by: Jessica
Chick on cell: ...and it's ironic, but the Museum of Sex was like a bad lay: small, and not performing to my expectations.
--111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Wednesday One-liners Make the Cut
Woman: This block has the best garbage!
--2nd Avenue & 8th Street
Girl on cell: We've already got plans again for this weekend. I'm really excited about this guy; he's great. He's really driven, really ready to succeed. He's a doctor...No, not in real life, on TV.
--57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Heather
White guy: That wasn't the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.
--Astoria party
Overheard by: Noah Starr
Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.
--Broadway & Prince
Girl: In theory...I was going to end that sentence with, "the dolphins will be OK."
--7 train
Overheard by: Amado Angel
Lady: Well, he's an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he's a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.
--Midtown office
Wednesday One-liners Announcements
Loudspeaker: Spirit Airlines is paging Islam Mohammed. Islam Mohammed, please report to gate B6 for an ontime departure.
--LaGuardia
Overheard by: Joe Helfrich
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, in a crowded car like this, remember you only have two hands. If you notice a third hand in your purse or your pocket, I am sure your fellow passengers will help you get rid of the third hand.
--A train
Overheard by: Miss Babette
Bus driver: First, next and last stop!
--M104 bus
Overheard by: Palaverist
Loudspeaker: OK...The downtown E train is leaving...Close it up, close it up, close it up...downtown E train...close it up...now serving Wade, party of 2...Wade, party of 2.
--E. 51st Street station
Overheard by: Tim
My Fantasy? Wednesday One-liners
Woman on cell: Tell everybody to come to New York and play D&D with me.
--Greenpoint
Overheard by: Francesca
Guy: So what you're saying is that every event in modern history was
caused by a time-traveling Keanu Reeves?
--Chevy's, Times Square
Overheard by: Kenny B
Boy on cell: ...yeah, I know! So then I said, "Bitch, that's what you get for messing with a level 5 dragon master!"
--C train
Overheard by: Lorelai Greenwood
Fat lady: You know, I don't think I would make a good vampire...I don't like staying up too late.
--W. 57th Street office
Some New Yorkers Aren't in Favor of Appeasement
Guy #1: What the fuck is it, walk slow day?
Woman: Yes, it's walk slow day, I'm from New Yo--
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up. I'm from 106 and Lex. I'll cut you...See, that's how you gotta do it. The second some crabby lady starts, you just say, "shut the fuck up." Escalate immediately.
--Spring & Broadway
Watch Out! They're About to Explode!
Guy: You see that bum? He wouldn't even look me in the eye. I know him from the Bronx. Evvverybody knows everybody in the Bronx, especially if you do drugs. He's a liar...His daughter did die, but 3 years ago. He got so much money hustlin' on the D train, but now they all know it's bullshit, so he came all the way to Queens....what, he gotta bury his daughter every year? He gonna ask for money when the girl died 20 yrs ago?...And if you don't got money for a burial, the city gives it to you. He fulla shit.
--7 train
Overheard by: MR
Standing in line is a guy with a massive 12-roll pack of toilet paper. His buddy comes up to join him and says: I always knew you were full of shit.
--Rite Aid, Irving Place
Overheard by: Vera Farrelly
Oddly, $3 Buys a Bacon Cheeseburger
Guy: I'm like Jewish, but I'm not. I look Jewish.
Girl #1: Yeah, this one time we were at a diner and he was like, "What can I get for $3?"
Girl #2: So, that's why you assumed...
Girl #1: Yeah, he's so Jewish.
--1 train
Overheard by: Alix
Jingle Those Keys and You'll Attract Some Bitch
Black guy #1: Ya know the only way to get a girl these days is to have a hot car.
Black guy #2: Yeah.
Black guy #1: I could get the keys, but not the car.
--N train
That Depends on the Industry
Boy: You need to get a boyfriend.
Girl: I know boys.
Boy: No, you don't.
Girl: I hang out with my gay peeps.
Boy: Gay peeps aren't gonna get you far in life.
--Penn Station
Now With Even More Varieties of Fried Sweetened Lard
Girl: Why are you in a Dunkin' Donuts t-shirt from Key West?
Guy: It was the best thing in Key West.
Girl: The Dunkin' Donuts?
Guy: Yeah.
--Freeze Peach Cafe, Astoria
Overheard by: Greg
I Can't Believe I Used to Waste Money on This Shit
Dork: I saw in the comic that Lex Luthor was President or something like that?
Store guy: Uh huh.
Dork: But now he's not President in the story in Justice League Unlimited.
Store guy: Right. They're catching up to that storyline now.
Dork: And they took Supergirl's DNA and made a clone? And gave her Power Girl's costume?
--Midtown Comics, Lexington Avenue
Even Closer, M-O-M-G-O-L-O-I-D
Mom: "Cucumber".
Boy: C-u-c-u-m-b-e-r.
Mom: Very good. Ah, ah, "barbershop".
Boy: B-a-r-b-e-r-s--
Mom: No, no.
Boy: B-e-r--
Mom: No, you were right, b-a-r--
Boy: B-a-r-b-e--
Mom: It's like a lady's name, cause it's a hair place.
Boy: B-a-r-b-a-r-a-s-h-o-p?
Mom: Close, it's b-a-r-b-r-a-s-h-o-p.
--1 train
Overheard by: Daniel Drucker
"...then what should I do with a carful of bitches?"
Middle-aged man: I have two refills on my Cialis prescription. I want my refill.
Pharmacist guy: OK, let me look it up...You can't get a refill. You just got one. It's too soon.
Middle-aged man: Dang.
--Duane Reade, Park Slope
The Waitress Served Her, and Then Served Her Food
Waitress: Do you want the pierogies boiled or fried?
Lady: What's the difference?
Waitress: One's boiled, one's fried.
--Veselka, 2nd Avenue & 9th Street
Crop Dusting: Walking Down the Aisles and Passing Gas
Boy: Does crop dusting exist?
Stewardess: Sure does.
Boy: If it happened to me, I'd have to stop them and say, "Stop crop dusting, farty."
--Chango, Park Avenue South
NY v. NJ Explained in One Scene
NJ driver: Hey! Red means Don't Walk!
Girl: It's blinking!
NJ driver: That's the same thing!
Girl: No it's not, dumbass!
--74th & Broadway
Those Ruben Studdard Tracks Now Seem Horrific
Girl #1: You know, if you think all songs are sung by a penis, they suddenly become funny.
Girl #2: You are high, you know that?
--91st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: SexyJewThang
Just Drop Your Wad at the Place
Dude #1: OK, I've got cash, let's go back to the titty bar.
Dude #2: The only problem is these machines don't give you singles.
--Astoria Citibank ATM
That Makes Their Interest Rates Quite Reasonable
Girl: Look at the line at FAO Schwartz.
Guy: No honey, it's FAO Schwarz. Schwarz. It's like Schwartz, but without the Jew.
--58th & 5th
Overheard by: Jonas
That's When You Lose Your Flower
Little girl: But I want a flower!
Dad: Get married.
--R train
Overheard by: caelwern
Drop Those Drawers and You'll See
Hobo: Does anyone have some food? I'm so hungry, please!
Guy: I think I have an apple in my bag.
Hobo: I got no teeth! I got no teeth! I don't want your apple!
Guy: How the hell do you expect to get any food without teeth?
--2/3 train
He Likes His Porn Pasty and With Horrid Teeth
Man #1: Is this one in English?
Man #2: Why? You can't read.
--Lafayette & Spring magazine stand
Professor, Heal Thyself
Professor: In 10 years, I want to have just been released from jail. I lived in a 5x5 cell, but I'm really fit 'cause I learned Pilates. I'm also an expert in the tango. I practiced in jail by myself, of course, but once I find a girl to dance with I'll be the best tango dancer in the world. I'll also be able to heal people.
--Gallatin School Building, NYU
Overheard by: Moonlit
The Cries for Help Always Come Too Late
Woman #1: She's very weird.
Woman #2: You're calling your daughter weird?
Woman #1: She came running into the kitchen this morning with a belt around her neck asking if it would make a good necklace.
--Penn Station
Kind of a Chocolate Milk from Hell
Guy: I want to give you a Dirty Sanchez.
Girl: That better be the name of a drink!
Guy: Oh, it is...
--Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Mellow_G
Excuses for Everyone Else, Yeah
Guy: Which one of you woke up late this morning, you or your momma?
Daughter: Oh, my mom.
Mom: No, I didn't oversleep, I just got caught up doing schoolwork.
Guy: Shoot, do you think Jesus had excuses when he was dying on the cross?
--B67 bus
Nothing Comes Between Me and My Revulsion
Hip Hop girl #1: Yeah, they're tight, but they make me look good in a mirror.
Hip Hop girl #2: Uh huh.
Hip Hop girl #1: And I like the camel toe.
--22nd & 6th
Queer: My pants are so tight they're soundproof!
--Bleecker & West 11th
Overheard by: Justin
It's Becoming Like the Ganges
Guy #1: Dude, did you hear? Another helicopter crashed into the East River.
Guy #2: Man, that would suck. The East River is just dirty and nasty.
Guy #1: Shit yeah. It's full of floatin' helicopters.
--2 train
This is Funny if You Like Vitreous Humor
Guy: I touched your eyeball, doesn't that mean I love you?
Girl: Touch it again!
Guy: No you freak!
--N/W Broadway station
Happy Motherfucker Day!
Boy: Mom!...Mom!
Father: Dad. The name is Dad.
--Eli's, 80th & 3rd
Columbia guy: I don't think I should see Avenue Q on stage. Whenever I see puppets I start throwing up. Just throwing up all over the place. The same thing with porn. When I'm a father I'm just going to show my kids so much porn that they throw up. Then I'll turn them into computer geeks.
--114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Maxwell Cohen
Woman: I mean, he got really mad at me after I slept with his father...and it was only one time!
--6 train
Dad on cell: ...we gotta go out by ourselves...the fuckin' kids, they always want something, it never stops!...Yeah?! Well, what the fuck does the little Princess want now?!
--Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Dad on cell: Hi, Sammy. How was school today?...Uh huh, what did you do in computers?...What do you mean, you had to show three pictures?...And you were able to do it?...You use Macs in school, right?...Yeah, it's an Apple. A Mac is an Apple...You know that's different than the computer you use at home...Yeah, it's a different operating system...Well, I'm glad you were able to do it. Let me talk to Mommy.
--Acela Express train
Papa thug: Yo, next time someone pushes you like that, you don't push back, you hear?...you kick him in the motherfucking face.
--12th Street between 1st & A
Overheard by: milo
Her baby daddy: ...yeah, she'd be about 15 or 16 by now. But her mom was messin' around, too, so...She better not come to me 50 years later sayin "she's yours" cause I don't play that. Plus, I got a little girl of my own, so I'm good.
--A train
Overheard by: lori dockendorf
Dad: Walking is just like running, only slower.
--Atlantic Avenue mall
Boy: I mean, if it weren't for the child support, you'd be good, right?
Father: What?
--60th & 3rd
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Dad: Babies have giant heads...and our heads shrink as we get older.
--Museum of Natural History
I Don't Think This is What Rosa Parks Meant
An Asian woman is talking loudly on her cell phone
Fat Black lady: You need to move to the back of the damn bus. We don't wanna hear that ching-chang ching-chong bullshit!
--Q34 bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Hell is...Other Staten Island People
Woman: Yeah, he was a "client".
Man #1: The Pope?
Woman: Yeah! Lots of times.
Man #2: Oops...no, I'm not saying it...I'm going to hell.
Woman: What? No, now you gotta tell me.
Man #2: Uh, was he good?...you know...with the Parkinson's...sorta like a built-in vibrator. Did he have the Michael J. Fox thing going on? BVVVVT!
Man #1: Oh no!
Woman: Oh my God! You are going to hell.
Man #2: And you're not? You fucked the Pope!
--Tottenville, Staten Island
Man Oh Man, I Hope This Doesn't Jinx Ours...
Russian woman: She's doing very well. Her book is doing well. She's already sold a lot of books.
American woman: That's great! That must be so exciting!
Russian woman: Yes, she has already sold ten or twenty, I think.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Diana
Boredom: The Cause or the Consequence?
Girl #1: Shit, yo, I just talk to him, I don't fuck him.
Girl #2: You don't fuck him? You lyin'.
Girl #1: Well, only if I'm bored.
--M57 bus
Overheard by: pete
Something's Not Kosher
Boyfriend: Fucking tourists!
Girlfriend: Seriously!
Boyfriend: Let's go to J&R.
Girlfriend: It's Saturday.
Boyfriend: Fucking Orthodox!
--Century 21, Cortlandt Street
Overheard by: Joe Baranello
No, Because Ricin Clears People Out Like You Wouldn't Believe
Black girl: Oh my God, this train is crowded.
Japanese guy: In Tokyo, the trains are much more crowded than this!
Black girl: Why? 'cause they can fit so many more of you little guys on it?
--6 train
Overheard by: Carri
How Many Sluts Does It Take to Screw In? Just This One
Chick #1: Would it be wrong to have a one-night stand, just so the guy will change my lightbulb?
Chick #2: It's only wrong if he turns out to be too short.
--13th & University
Overheard by: djlindee
First Action Item: Learn to Act Like a Man
Suit #1: I think we need to sit down with Yolanda, Minetta, Julie [...] and tell them, "Look, what happened yesterday can't happen again. We need to learn more about dispatch. It's time we had this meeting."
Suit #2: It's too late for a meeting.
Suit #1: Right, no, that's what I'm saying. We don't need a meeting, we need action.
--N train
Sure Sounds Like "Yes" to Me...
Tourist guy: Excuse me! Are you a New Yorker?
Woman: No!
--34th & 7th
Man: Do you want to go into any of these shops?
Woman: Um...
Man: Oh, that's a yes. Whenever a woman responds with anything other than an emphatic "no", it means yes.
--78th & Madison
You've Come a Long Way, Biotech
Woman #1: You blew that smoke right in my face!
Woman #2: I don't control the wind, bitch!
--46th & Vanderbilt
Overheard by: whirlygurly
The Burning Sensation She Already Had in Stock
Girl #1: Ugh! He gave me the biggest hickey on one of my tits! Gross!
Girl #2: Well, at least it was a hickey and not a burning sensation when you pee!
--Union Square
Once We Let the Gentiles In, NYC Goes to Pot
Teen boy: If we get a family plan we can talk for free.
Dad: I don't want to talk to anyone, whether it's free or not.
--78th & Broadway
She Got Thrown Out Soon After (For Serious)
Girl: Why are you making fun of people? Someone as fat as you shouldn't be runnin' your mouth to nobody!
Drunk guy: OK, I may be fat but can lose weight. You'll always be a nigger.
Girl: Ooh, so now you're stupid and fat? Look drunk-ass, I'm not Black, I'm Dominican!
Drunk guy: Oh my bad, you're a Spanish-speaking nigger.
--Croxley Ale House, Avenue B
My Children Will Be Named Airport and Telephone
Guy on cell: What's with all these WASPy names for kids all of a sudden? Don't people know that Carter and Porter are just tradesman's names?...Well, Porter is a guy who carries bags, and Carter is a guy who pushes carts...Well, it hardly aspirational, is it?...I mean, I think I'll name my first-born Cobbler just to stay with the trend.
--53rd & 9th
He Knows the Stroke is Imminent
Chick: Do you want this seat?
Old man: I may be 100 years old, but I'm only going one stop!
--6 train
It's in the Alternate Universe Confederacy
Midwood girl #1: Hey, where is Maryland anyway?
Midwood girl #2: It's in D.C. somewhere.
Midwood girl #1: Oh, right.
--Flatbush bagel shop
Overheard by: Ford Madox Hueffer
...But Not for Much Longer
Chick #1: Do you think I should have another Texas-sized margarita?
Chick #2: I think your eyes are bigger than your liver.
--Dallas BBQ, 166th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
The Overheard Story Writes Itself
Girl: Mom, are you drunk?
Mom: Uh, maybe.
Girl: You're going to rehab today! Grandma is going to be here any minute.
--55th & 6th
Overheard by: William Yam
Woman: This is very Desperate Housewives.
Man: Or Rear Window.
--40th & 9th
Overheard by: Linda Miller
They Save the Steamy Stuff for the DVD
Girl #1: Oh my God, I watched American Treasure last night.
Girl #2: What, no good?
Girl #1: Oh my God it was horrible.
Girl #2: The trailer made it look kind of cool.
Girl #1: That's what I thought too. But then you actually watch it and there's nothing about American currency.
--Bar 288, Elizabeth Street
Overheard by: Margaret
He Just Wants to Find Out What Tzatziki is Called
Teen girl: Like, I thought he was Jewish but then he ate a gyro so I dumped him.
Teen boy: That's rough. Did he have it with that white sauce?
Teen girl: What difference does that make? Shit, you're dumb.
--F train
Overheard by: Steph Gold
What They Use That Money For (2 NYC Short Stories)
Hobo: Can anyone help me get something to eat? Please please someone, please, help me out with something to eat?
Woman: Would you like a slice of pizza?
Hobo: Not now, baby!
--1 train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Hobo: I need money to get food, and a haircut and an ID.
Guy: You're gonna use it for drugs.
Hobo: No! I hate that. Why do people yell out "drugs"?
Woman: 'cause you look high.
The hobo leaves the car, experiences a moment of l'esprit d'escalier, and returns.
Hobo: Well, hello to you miss.
--D train
Overheard in the Headlines: That Twice-Rich Lady
Girl: Oh my god, I read today that a woman who won a million dollars in the lottery last year won another million again.
Guy: Yeah, I heard that. That's amazing. She seems really nice and humble about the winnings.
Girl: Yeah, fuck her.
--23rd & 10th gas station
"...we need to make our baby seem like a bastard."
Lady: Yeah, we're getting married this Saturday.
Businesswoman #1: Oh my gosh! You're getting married? Where's the ring?
Businesswoman #2: I want to see the ring!
Lady: Actually I'm wearing a wedding band because we really got married in January.
--Times Square
Overheard by: kim n.
The Bats Turn Them Corky
Caribbean guy: Hey, I'm looking for a Jason Ghi-ambi baseball bat.
Store guy: An autographed bat?
Caribbean guy: I'm not paying fifty dollars for no bat.
Store guy: What do you need the bat for?
Caribbean guy: I just really need to bash someone's head in, you know what I'm saying?
Store guy: You don't need a Jason Giambi bat for that. Any of these bats can be used for bashing someone in the head.
--Triangle Sports, Flatbush
Overheard by: Owen
Might As Well Go Pro If You're Doing All the Work
Woman: My dad actually said, "I don't want you becoming a hooker. If you need money, ask me."
Man: You know why he said that, right?
--N train
Griping About the Priest (A NYC Short Story)
Junk shop owner: No coffee?
Lady #1: We'll have coffee tomorrow. Thursday.
Junk shop owner: Coffee at Starbucks is $5. Special coffee. Why don't you go to your house, then your house, and your house?
Lady #2: Why don't we come here?
Junk shop owner: You pick a date. I'll sell you 4 chairs, $5.
Lady #2: What, you sit on them, they break?
Junk shop owner: We don't sell chairs that break. How many people were in church? 10? I hear he's gonna start counting how many people are going. What are they gonna do, close the church? Doesn't anybody have a hook in the Father, know what's going on?
Lady #1: Nobody goes anymore.
Junk shop owner: He has no activities for the people in the neighborhood! No card parties, no bingo...$150 per kid to make communion! Where the hell do you come off making a price like that?
Lady #2: I never heard of that.
Junk shop owner: Well, you heard it now.
--Carroll Gardens
Wednesday One-liners Might Have Food Issues
Guy: Nah, I'm trying to get that six pack for summer. I'm not going for the dashboard stomach or anything. Besides, the dashboard on my car isn't looking too good, ya know?
--Godiva, Nassau Street
Overheard by: J
Woman: She's not trying anorexia, is she? She's not in that adolescent phase yet, right?
--85th & 5th
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Girl: Well, she should tell her doctor...and her waitress.
--Fordham
Overheard by: Trix
Hobo: Hey, I'm really hungry. Really hungry, man. I ain't eaten in the past coupla days. That's why I'm losing weight. Except I'm so muscular, so I look healthy, but I'm hungry. And it's hot outside, so I'm losing more weight. And I am muscular.
--F train
Queer: You know, whenever they show models in movies being obsessive about what they eat and their weight or something, it's always presented like it's this vain and self-indulgent thing, but, I mean, they're models. It's their job. It's like for your job. You needed a Master's Degree, right? Well, they need an eating disorder.
--2 train
Girl: I think he thought I was calling him fat. I wasn't, though! I was calling him pregnant.
--D train
Wednesday One-liners Make an Ass of Themselves
Queer: As my grandmother used to say, you've got one fuckable ass.
--Marie's Crisis, Grove Street
Overheard by: catherine
Hobo: How you doin'? How you doin'? I'm doin' good. Yeah, you know I'm doin' good, cause I'm lookin' good! And you know why I look good? 'cause I clean mah ass!
--1 train
Overheard by: Alex Valentine
NYU chick: All this work is going to fuck me in the ass so much my boyfriend won't be able to.
--Silver Building, Waverly Place
Chick: I can't believe how much he charged me for this disposable camera. I was like, "Why don't you fuck me up the ass while you're at it?"
--55th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Black guy: Damn, it smells like open ass around here.
--Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Daniel
Wednesday One-liners Grab Some Dinner
Lady: Geez, what an adventure, huh? I mean, "grande ensalada"? I had no idea what I'd ordered until it came to the table!
--55th & Madison
Overheard by: Heather
Hobo: She eats the cole slawwww. She likes the Pepsi, not the Coke!
--Borough Park
Russian lady: How many times do I have to tell you? Puerto Ricans don't eat tacos.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: Jonathan
Man: We have to stop here so I can eat. If we keep walking, I can't eat in the rain.
--23rd & Madison
Woman: It's spiritual. I only eat yak.
--11th & A
Overheard by: Lisa D
Girl on cell: OK, well, get me as many cans of tuna as you can possibly carry.
--Washington Square & East 4th
Senior VP on phone: No, you can't order Chilean sea bass anymore! They're all bred artificially in ponds. The real ones are going extinct out of sheer deliciousness.
--Madison Avenue office
Woman: It's too hot today for Indian food. Well unless, you know, you're Indian.
--17th & Park
Overheard by: Robyn
Let's Face Wednesday One-liners
Girl: ...and I was crying! Because he told me I was so ugly. But then he said he was just being honest...
--9th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Domi
Guy: Hey Dave, remember the last time we were here, that security guard came up to you and asked if you needed medical attention because he assumed you got hit in the mouth with a baseball?
--Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Michael Bull
Cop: You couldn't suck hard enough to give her a hickey. All the stubble broke the suction.
--30th & 7th
Teenage boy: Honestly! Why would anyone put spermicide on their face?
--Bank Street
Overheard by: Jon Gordon
Mother: I can't believe you like how Robin's face looks. It doesn't look like she's wearing any makeup! She needs to wear makeup.
--Sephora, 5th Avenue
Wednesday One-liners Have Some Class
Chick: This is the same boy who used to lick champagne massage oil off of my naked tits, and now he's writing three page long internet odes to Ronald Reagan?
--171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Girl: Man if I had money, I'd be a classy bitch!
--Mona's, Avenue B
Overheard by: Simon Mason
Guy on cell: I smoke weed, work, go to school, and fuck bitches. That's what I do, man.
--18th between 5th and 6th
Guy: I got a great e-mail from my friend the other day. It said, "Let's steal something. Call me."
--Old Town Bar, 18th Street
Overheard by: LMF
Chick: It's amazing how much more tip you'll get if you let them fondle your nipples for a little.
--Soho party
Suit: You tell him I don't spend $4 million on a piece of shit! You tell him to shut the fuck up...in a nice way.
--38th & 7th
Overheard by: Krados
Man on cell: Fuck you! I have a website you can go to, it's called www.getbitchslappedyoufuckingbitch.com. Or how about www.fuckthisshityoufuckingwhore.net.com?
--54th between 8th & Broadway
Mom: Come on now, we going outside, you can do it there, OK?...He was gonna pee-pee right here on the step. Fuck that!
--137th Street station
Overheard by: Amanda Nazario
Wednesday One-liners Get on the 6
Hipster: I have so many friends in their 20s who are still virgins! Is "virgin" the new pink?
--6 train
Hobo: Listen up! I'm not here to beg or ask for money. I'm here to tell you that a flashlight like this one could save your life. There are no promises! Be prepared! Always carry a flashlight and water!
--6 train
Girlfriend: ...and no more talking about economics when you are inside of me...
--6 train
Overheard by: A
Wednesday One-liners Read in Union Square
Stoner: We're on the verge of a spiritual revolution. It's like Fight Club...but without the violence.
--Union Square
Overheard by: braun bowery
Guy: The fact that bar was full of ugly girls is just ridiculous.
--Union Square
Crazy lady: Fine, stay where you are, Linda! Stay on the streets, stay in the gutter...but put all your stuff away!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman: If I die of malaria, you can have my DVD player.
--Union Square
Lady on cell: ...so what's the difference between the East Village and the West Village?
--Union Square
Overheard by: feitclub
Guy on cell: I didn't throw the lamp at you because I was out of control, I threw the lamp at you because you said I was out of control.
--Union Square
Overheard by: John
Guy: Dude! At least you're getting head. Bad head is better than no head, any day of the week!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Joy Smoker
Wednesday One-liners Hit Yuppietown
Hipster girl: She asked me, "Like, when you give your grandmother a bath, do you use bleach?"
--Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jeremy Dawson
White girl: I know, right? If I'm gonna get fucked over, it's gonna be by a genuine asshole, not by some pussy-ass white boy who's not even good in bed.
--Williamsburg
Woman on cell: ...is it wrong that I just kind of want to shit all over her whenever she mentions something good happening in her life?
--Bedford Avenue station
Man: All I ever want to do is hang around my apartment. Nekkid. With money taped all over me.
--Montrose Avenue station
Overheard by: K.M.
Wednesday One-liners Go to the Park
Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson's phone number?
--Central Park
Overheard by: alec
Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?
--Central Park
Overheard by: Glynnis
Guy on cell: No. You don't understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack
Jogger lady: Oh, great, it's raining. Thanks a lot, God.
--Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Man: That guy's got a chicken. He's gonna burn it! Hey man, don't hurt the animals! He's gonna burn the chicken!
--Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Alex Romanovich
Wednesday One-liners Know Their Maps
Chick on phone: Where is Argentina?...Is there a beach?
--Madison Avenue office
Tourist guy: You know, for such a big city, it's funny that New York has no rivers.
--Q train
Overheard by: Eva D
Navy lady: So he tried to tell me that this was the Empire State Building, but it's Trump Tower!
--Columbus Circle
Alcohol and Arithmetic Are Not Friends
Drunk girl: So, the bill is $80, the tip should be $16, right?...So $80 and $16 is $136...We've got $150 here, that's more than enough, let's take $10 back for the cab...So are we really going to Scores now?
--White Horse Tavern, Hudson Street
Overheard by: Laura Fenton
I Asked for Lemon, Not Lip
Man: Yo, what are you selling?
Vendor: Gelato.
Man: What's that?
Vendor: Read the sign...Fuck you.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Chris
Hunter Has More of a Red Connotation
Crazy lady: Excuse me! Girls, can you adopt a dog or a cat? You know that many animals need homes.
Chick #1: Oh, we'd love to, but we can't have pets.
Chick #2: Yeah, our dorms don't allow animals
Crazy lady: Oh, you're in college?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Crazy lady: At the law school?
Chick #3: No, Hunter.
Crazy lady: I thought that Hunter was for the Blacks.
--23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Kaitlyn
Congrats, You're Not Even as Classy as the SI Ferry
British bitch on cell: I'm surrounded by fucking morons who probably struggled through the NYC school system. We all know New Yorkers are the dumbest. They can't even read. They haven't had a Latin education and they probably can't even speak another language...I didn't want to get a limo to take to the fuckin' ghettos of Brooklyn. I didn't want to take a cab because these uneducated people don't understand directions. I didn't want to spend $30 and not get to the right place...Please make sure my car gets fixed. I've been reduced to the humiliation of taking public transportation. Now the second part of my fucking nightmare begins. I have to take the subway! I'm dressed like a commoner. I didn't want to wear a $5000 Chanel suit on a seat that hasn't been cleaned...She's letting us borrow her castle for our wedding. If they can't afford to be there, they obviously don't deserve to come.
--Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Christine
Good Thing He's Not Going for the Prince Albert
HS boy #1: So anyway, I told my mom that I'm going to get my eyebrow pierced when I graduate.
HS boy #2: Oh yeah? And what did she say?
HS boy #1: She told me that if I got it pierced, she'd grab me by the eyebrow ring and swing me around the room until my face ripped off.
--5 train
Overheard by: christina
If It's in His Ear, That's a Missed Connection
Dude: I really need a second job.
Chick: You should post on craigslist or something.
Dude: Yeah, right. "WILL DO ANYTHING".
Chick: Whoa, no, don't say that. Soon you'll have two cocks in your mouth and one in your ear.
--23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Peter
The Last of the Floozionaires
Pedicab driver: I lost all my money there.
Tourist lady: Oh, really?
Pedicab driver: Yes. I was rich once. And a genius.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Fern
Brother Gets Around
Garage guy: Yo, how much is the subway now?
Dude: Two motherfuckin' dollars.
Garage guy: Fuck that. A gallon of gas is less than that.
Dude: Dumbass, if you had a car, you would know that gas is more than $2.
Garage guy: Well, I don't.
Dude: No shit, dumbass.
Garage guy: My bitch do...ha, ha, ha.
--Park Slope parking garage
Overheard by: Jim Chambers
A Home is a Terrible Thing to Waste
Hobo: 'Scuse me. You wanna give a quarter to the United Negro Pizza Fund?
--44th & 8th
Hobo: Listen, girls, do you care to donate to the United Negro Pastrami Sandwich Fund?
--Bowery between 3rd & 4th
Hobo: Would you like to donate to the United Negro Pizza Fund?
--82nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Leigh
Hobo: Can you offer a contribution to the United Negro I Didn't Go to College Fund?
--60th & Columbus
Overheard in the Headlines: The Jackson Verdict
White guy on cell: Look, he was tried by a jury of his peers, they were all white, and they let him off.
--Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: riptorn
Between Boardwalk and Park Place
Tourist lady #1: Where are we?
Tourist lady #2: Um, duh, we're at Time Square Street.
--N train
Overheard by: Mikey
Don't Worry, They're Just Going to Throw Rocks at the Kids
Dad: Do you want to go home and get s-t-o-n-e-d?
--16th & 5th
Overheard by: braun bowery
Yet They Won't Have Useless Diplomas
Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah...soon we all gon' have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal.
--Washington Heights
Overheard by: clari
It's Almost As If Someone Were Listening...
Woman: Here's something really funny. I was getting on the train, the 6, and the 2 friends I was supposed to meet were sitting there! Out of all the cars in the train. That was weird.
Man: I don't believe in that, in coincidences.
Woman: You don't?
Man: No, I believe that what happens is what was meant to happen.
Woman: Well, I hope "what is meant to happen" isn't wasting its time
with me getting on the train.
--N train
Also, He Gives Immaculate Head
Queer: who would you rather go out with: Jesus or me?
Girl: Jesus. He can give me eternal life.
--F train
That's Why She's a Shoo-in for Senate Re-election
Girl #1: She's, like, a total socialist. She's all like, "Capitalism is bad. America is bad." And she's always plotting about how we can get their money. You can't take other people's money. What's wrong with you?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: But as extremists go, she's pretty cool.
Girl #2: Totally.
--L train
Overheard by: Samuel Bennett
That, and Posting Things Too Boring to Actually Say
Chick: I think the difference between a blog and a website is that a blog is something you can set up without doing any of that website shit.
--Black Table party, Slainte, The Bowery
It's Not His Fault You Got Stretch Marks
Baby stroller #1: So I decided, what the hell, I'm just going to get a dildo.
Baby stroller #2: A what?
Baby stroller #1: A dildo.
Baby stroller #2: Oh. Yeah, totally.
--Prospect Park
Overheard by: Chris Genoa
It Took Him 50 Years, But He Got Her to Leave Scientology
Old man: No. Do not do that.
Old woman: I'm not! I'm really not!
Old man: Looking for the truth? That's for idiots. That's for morons. Trying to take the facts into your own hands? That's for idiots. Don't do it.
Old woman: I know! I'm not!
--14th & 6th
Dog Shit is Bullshit (A NYC Short Story)
White woman: You see why I don't live in Manhattan, especially on the Upper East Side.
White man: Why is that?
White woman: Too many freaking dogs. Everybody and their mother have a goddamn dog. The Upper East Side smells like dog shit and these people will not clean up after their dogs.
White man: I know what you mean. Too many dogs.
White woman: These people should be shot for not cleaning up after their dogs. They should not be allowed to own an animal if they can't clean up after it. What, rich and snobbish people aren't allowed to pick up dog crap, is that it?
White man: Well, at least the West Side is not so bad.
White woman: I'm not sure it is any better.
--80th & 3rd
Dorks: Want to Be Jabba the Hutt? Here's How!
Chick #1: I am so pathetic.
Chick #2: You are not pathetic! If you and I lived together and did nothing but eat chocolate, guacamole and chips and ice cream and play Nintendo, and we ended up weighing 500 pounds each, but having weirdly toned hands and forearms from the Nintendo playing, that would be pathetic.
--111th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
"But I'm lost! My mom's name is Mommy!"
Woman: Where is there an elevator or ramp down to the lower tracks?
Info booth lady: Which track are you trying to get to?
Woman: It doesn't matter...gate 120.
Info booth lady: We don't have a gate 120. If you tell me where you're really going, I'll tell you how to get there!
--Grand Central
The Battered Husband: All But Invisible
Doctor lady: OK, so what happened to you?
Bloody guy: I fell down some stairs, bitch.
--Bellevue Hospital, 1st Avenue
Overheard by: feitclub
Fat Eating Fat: Irony or Hate Crime?
Fat lady #1: Excuse me, could you move over?
Thin woman: Well, I can't move over anymore.
Fat lady #1: Excuse me, could you move over?
Fat lady #2: There is no way you're going to fit in that space.
Fat lady #1: If you moved over I could. I'm not fat like you.
Fat lady #2: Not only are you fat, but you're crazy. You think I'm fat? Get away before I eat you.
--E train
Chinese Food Doesn't Think It's Better Than All Other Foods
Tourist guy: So what's the difference between Korean and Chinese?
New York guy: You mean the food, or the people?
Tourist guy: Either one. But I only care about the food.
--Bayard & Mulberry
Overheard by: iiams
Don't Hate the Fender, Hate the Grime
Guy #1: Why did the cops just pull that biker over?
Guy #2: I dunno, it's what, 4AM? Maybe he got on his bike drunk or something...
Guy #1: He's wearing his helmet and everything though.
Guy #2: Yeah, but that motorcycle is pretty fucking ugly. That orange shit on the fenders is a crime.
--Delancey & Ludlow
Overheard by: a jay
This Has to Do With Degrassi High How?
Tourist guy: Why are all the signs in Chinese?
New York guy: Because we're in Chinatown.
Tourist guy: But shouldn't they have to advertise in English?
New York guy: New York isn't Quebec.
Tourist guy: What?
New York guy: Dude, you don't even know the difference between Chinese and Korean, you'll never understand a reference to Quebecoise French.
--Bayard & Mott
Overheard by: iiams
That, and Blasting That Music at All Hours
Suit #1: I had to dig a four foot trench last weekend.
Suit #2: Why?
Suit #1: Well, we're putting a waterfall into my swimming pool.
Suit #1: That's why they invented Mexicans.
--Trinity Place
Overheard by: B-tron
If He's in Rehab, He's Clearly Gay
Woman #1: Oh! This guy is so hot.
Woman #2: He's a druggie.
Woman #1: He's so hot. Oh God. I can't even stand it!
Woman #2: Maybe you'll meet him in rehab.
--MTV Studios, Times Square
"Makes Sense": Delegating Sovereignty to Brussels
Girl: How come music downloads here cost $1 and they cost $0.10 in Europe?
Guy: Because anything that makes sense can't happen in America any more.
Girl: Fair enough.
--86th & 1st
The Gaydar on Her Tinfoil Hat is Broken
Hoboette: I bet a lot of men try and make out with you.
Guy: Excuse me?
Hoboette: I bet a lot of men try and make out with you. You've never had that happen? Every time I see an attractive, well-groomed man, he is gay. So you are saying you aren't gay?
Guy: Nope.
Hoboette: Keep up the good stuff. Too bad I wasn't younger.
--52nd & 10th
It's Not Enough That She Turned Him Into a Hippie
Hippie boy: What are we going to talk about? He's a hairdresser and I'm a teenager!
Mom: Date him, I guess.
--Prospect Park
Overheard by: Gretchen
Don't Tell Me How to Do My Job
Girl: And to think I wasn't sure what was going on with him! Then last night I was like why would someone care so much about my underwear if they didn't want to get into it?
Guy: That's a great question.
Girl: Isn't it?
Guy: That should be on OverheardInNewYork.
--Perry Street
They're Undergoing Withdrawal from the Injections
Man: ...so how've you been?
Woman: Been good, you know I'm done with bein' bad.
Man: Nah, why's that?
Woman: My thighs hurt.
--24th & Park
Overheard by: Kathryn Galloway
Notice He Didn't Say Williamsburg
Art store guy #1: No, I don't know where it is...Hey, does anyone know where there's an art show this weekend? This guy on the phone wants to know.
Art store guy #2: Tell him SoHo and hang up.
--Utrecht, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: Jason
Not to Mention a Car Wreck for a Face
Black guy #1: Yo, you wanna go see Mariah Carey?
Black guy #2: Her music sucks but dat crazy white bitch got some big ass titties.
--Broadway & Broome
They Meant Raccoon, and They Saw Rat
Suit #1: That sure was a big coon, wasn't it?
Suit #2: Uh huh, big coon.
--Little W. 12th Street
Dude, Your Pimp Hand is Mad Weak
Crying woman: You fucked her and then you fucked me.
Man: But baby, I knew it was wrong at the time!
--Central Park South
Overheard by: Lily
His Mattress is Trying to Kill Itself
The train door squeaks constantly.
Fat guy: That's what it sounds like in my bedroom!
Old lady: Yeah, before you get home from work.
--Metro-North train
Perhaps That's the Problem...Pudga
Runner chick #1: What the hell are those people doing?
Runner chick #2: They're in some sort of boot camp class.
Runner chick #1: They're military?
Runner chick #2: No, I think they just pay someone to get them in shape.
Runner chick #1: But they're so sweaty and out of breath! I never get that way with my trainer!
--Central Park
Overheard by: Peter
He's on a Strict Sushi Diet
Panhandler: Forty dollars...anybody got forty dollars so I can eat? Anybody, forty dollars?
Businessguy: Forty dollars?
Panhandler: You want to make a deal? All right, thirty-five dollars.
--57th & 5th
Overheard by: Heather
Not As Dumb As Saying It So Close to Greenpoint
Teen thug #1: Damn! You ever read A Streetcar Named Desire?
Teen thug #2: Yeah, Stanley Kowalski. That dumb Polack.
--Williamsburg
In Their Defense, They Did Kill the EU
Girl: Sorry, I'm trying to be as French as possible.
French guy: Oh, I'm from Bawsten.
--N train
Overheard by: c. dubs
The train pulls out of the underground. Three Hispanic teens look outside.
Hispanic teen #1: You can't see the Eiffel Tower from here?
They continue looking for a good twenty seconds.
Hispanic teen #2: That shit's in Paris, yo!
--F train
Overheard by: Daniel Radosh
Put It Where It Doesn't Belong
JHS boy #1: Shut up before I have to put my ass in your mouth.
JHS boy #2: How the hell you gonna put your ass in my mouth?
--Central Park
Girl #1: It looked like you were getting pretty close with that guy on the dance floor.
Girl #2: I know! He was putting his dick all up in my ass like he knew me or something.
--11th between 3rd & 4th
You Should Overhear What She Says About His Piece
Girl: I don't want to sit there. We can't see the screen.
Guy: Baby, the screen is 95 feet tall.
--Loews Lincoln Center
Overheard by: G & R
Guys: Get Her to Say Seamen and Read Her This Entry
Asian chick: You know, I bet Fritos are healthy for you!
Spanish chick: How you figure?
Asian chick: Cuz in the ingredients it says it's made of corn, soybean oil and salt, and corn is good for you.
Spanish chick: True. If you can pronounce what's in the ingredients, then it has to be good for you.
--Flushing
NYC: One Fucking Big Happy Family
Drunk White hobo: Aw man, fucka that shit.
Hispanic deli chef: Man, you don't have to say that to me. I am your brother.
Drunk White hobo: You're right, brother...I am sorry, my brother.
--34th street deli between 8th & 9th
Black dude #1: Shut up, nigga.
Black dude #2: What the fuck. Don't call me nigga. I'm Puerto Rican. Call me a spic.
Black dude #3: Stop using that offensive language! No wonder everyone on this train is staring at us. We are all God's children. We all bleed the same. Aren't we all god's children?
White woman: Pardon?
Black dude #3: Aren't we all god's children?
White woman: Well, yes.
Black dude #3: You see!
--1 train
Actually, He's Teaching You French
White homie teen: Chicken fill-ett.
Latino homie teen: That's "fill-ay". Hah, "fill-ett". Ha ha ha, "fill-ett".
White homie teen: You're teaching me English?
--Wendy's, Bensonhurst
There's Plenty of Amateur Farmers Around to Help
Girl #1: Oh my God, look at that lady.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Titty drip!
Girl #2: Oh my God. Go home and milk yourself.
--19th & 5th
We Were Always Jaclyn Smith Men, Ourselves
Queer: She's very uncomfortable with her face. Well, she is 60. She said to me, "Why can't I just grow old? Why can't I just grow old like everyone else?" And I wanted to say, because you're Farrah Fawcett, that's why.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Valerie Goodman