Wednesday One-Liners Go Back to School

Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions! –FIT Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework! –46th between 7th & 8th Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head. –Fordham Overheard by: Jess McGins NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose. –Bleecker & Mercer Overheard by: Kristin Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm. –Slainte, 1st & Bowery Overheard by: Genevieve Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age. –Columbia University Medical Center Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong. –Vanderbilt Hall, NYU Overheard by: The King Adrock

Tonight's Movie: No Country for Old Manganese

Student: Professor, is manganese good for you?
Elderly chemistry professor: It's allegedly related to that… What's that old age thing?
Student: Alzheimer's?
Elderly chemistry professor: Right. That.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: Denali


If I Said You Had a Wednesday One-Liner, Would You Hold It Against Me?

Chick on cell: And he had a tiny little body and a tiny little head, and I was just like, "um, no."

–Equinox Gym, Wall Street

Overheard by: Ladle

Security guard, talking about senior citizens: If they sit around the house all day because they actually can't use their legs, it's fine. But if they can still use their legs and get around, but choose to stay at home, that's no good. No good.

–Museum of Chinese in America

Bar patron to bartender: If you give me a free shot, I'll rub your feet.

–Greenwood Heights

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to friend: Well you know, it hurts at first… but then it expands. (opens cleched fist with a larger hole) And then it feels like you have a tail!

–Subway Coney Island

Overheard by: Torgrim


But That's a Republican Primary for You

Disheveled man to two other disheveled men: So he used to grab people like this (demonstrates) and put a needle up to their neck and say “I got Aids and if you don't gimme your money right now, I'm gonna stick you with my blood.”
Disheveled man #2: That's messed up!
Disheveled man #1: Yeah, so my buddies and I let him rob this one woman like that, and then we beat him up and took the money. $300!
Disheveled man #3: No shit?
Disheveled man #1: Yeah, we kicked the living shit out of him 'cause we knew he didn't have Aids. And I mean the living shit. We were knocking his head against the curb and when he got up his jaw was all hanging down. But what he was doing was wrong.

–6th Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: Toby