Analysts are analysts

Ice cream shop clerk: “I told my analyst that I met this guy who looks so much like him, it is unbelievable. My analyst then said, ‘well, how does that make you feel?’”

“And what did you learn in school today, Billy?”

Teacher #1: …and I smoked weed, so my friends staged an intervention. They said, “We reeeally want you to stop smoking.” And I was like, “All right, but you all have to try it once to see what it’s like.” Well, twice, not just once, ’cause you don’t get high the first time.
Teacher #2: You get high the first time!
Teacher #1: Not everybody does.
Teacher #2: So you made your friends smoke weed?
Teacher #1: I didn’t make them smoke. It was a choice. –4 Train Overheard by: Kaitlen

A NY Story with a Midwest Conclusion

Hobo: Sorry to interrupt, but I’m starving. Please help me to get some candy and a soda.
Chick: How about a perfectly good pear? You know, if you’re so hungry. The hobo walks away angry and disgusted; 20 feet later he turns around to give her a dirty look. Chick: Obviously you’re not that hungry–and it’s called pop! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: James Lin