Wednesday One-Liners Get Lockjaw

Thug: I really gotta figure out a new way to ask for a blowjob.

–Soho

Overheard by: Emily McInerney

Guy to coworkers: So wait, a blowjob is exactly like sitting on a toilet?

–40th & 6th

Lady: Oy! Don’t even get me started… Unless we’re talking about gay men blowing each other, in which case, I have no problem with that.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk girl to friend hooking up: Just suck his dick and let’s go…

–Bar, Brooklyn

Chick on cell: Ah, bottle fellatio. I remember doing that in high school for a bunch of guys.

–Amtrak into Penn Station

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen after HIV workshop: Yo, don’t have anal, bro. Get your penis licked!

–Banana Kelly High School, Bronx

Overheard by: nooners

There’s This Mailbox I Know…

Guy #1: What you got going this summer?
Guy #2: I got like 3 jobs.
Guy #1: That’s crazy. Work’s cool and everything, but that don’t leave no pussy time. And I’ve got to be fucking some bitch. –Lehman College bookstore

The Fallacy of Insufficient Sample Size

Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn’t working out. I guess I’m not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I’m a hairdresser. How original. Just because I’m a hairdresser you think I’m gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.

–9th & B

Overheard by: GavinM

Wednesday PS1-Liners

Angry woman on cell: Boy, how you gonna tell me you're missing 30 homeworks?

–Noble & Greenpoint Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: brad

Mom to others: So I told him, "why don't you just drop out, since you're using up all my personal time, every time I have to go to the school and sign you out for being suspended."

–A Train

Overheard by: OMG!!!

Five-year-old kid: Mom, I want to retire from school.

–Queensborough Community College Pool

Overheard by: Olivia Byun

Middle-aged woman on phone: She's loving college so far! Her favorite part is being able to go to the bathroom whenever she wants.

–W 11th St & Waverly Place