You Go Ahead and Feel Bad, Though

Father: They’re really promoting Paul McCartney at Starbucks.
Tween son: One of my friends said it sucks that John Lennon was shot instead of Paul McCartney. I felt bad when he said it.
Father: That’s a horrible thing to say… But your friend was right.

–Starbucks, 8th St

And Yet Still Right

Girl #1: What’s a pipe dream?
Girl #2: …It’s like a farfetched dream.
Girl #1: Yeah, I always thought it was, like, an idea someone got when they were high and they thought it was a good idea at the time because…you know, they were stoned.
Girl #2: You’re retarded. –N train

Pimps Up, Hobos Down

Hobo #1: Hey man, pull yourself together. Get up, bro. Get up. I want to sit down, bro. Get up. Some people want a seat.
Hobo #2: You’re a slut.
Hobo #1: Yeah I’m a slut, but you a ho.
Hobo #2: I’m a ho because of sluts like you.
Hobo #1: Look, man, look at the clock. It’s 8:21, bro. If I catch you lying down on my train again before 12 o’clock, I’m going to kick your ass. You called me a slut, I’ll kick your ass. Now you know. –L train Overheard by: V

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?

–Broadway & Houston

Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?

–NYU Silver Center

Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Seth

Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.

–Metropolitan Museum Lobby

Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art