Wednesday One-Liners Must Be from Queens

Woman, texting: How do you pluralize "uterus"?

–TKTS Booth

Overheard by: DramaPirate

Kids entertainer, singing: Do you know what a co-creator is? To create is to make something, and when you co-create, you do it together…

–Kindergarten party, Williamsburg

Cashier with cookbook: It's got a table of continents so you can see what's in it!

–Department Store, 225th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Student: I just love adding "izzle" to the end of words.

–Metro-North

Coworker: UPS didn't have the tracking information at first, but then they found it… Good thing, because I was about to blow a casket.

–Fordham University

You’re Welcome, Grasshopper

Yuppie woman, bumping into a man: Sorry.
Man: Don’t say sorry. This is New York. Nobody says sorry.
Woman: What do you want me to say? Fuck you??
Man: That’s better. This is New York. Who says sorry?
Woman: Fuck you.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Young professional’s friend

Just a Little Bit Of Wednesday One-Liner Repeating

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Peter R.

Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here.

–Grand Central Station

Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy.

–Pommes Frites

History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'.

–High School

Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex!

–High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: SzN31

Stoned Again, Are We?

Schoolboy #1, looking at John Lennon's Imagine memorial: Beatles, right?
Schoolboy #2: Yup.
Schoolboy #1: Is his body under there?
Schoolboy #2: Yup.

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park


You've Always Lived on the Edge, Irene.

Grey-haired white guy #1: That presentation had way too many numbers.
Grey-haired white guy #2: He loves numbers.
Grey-haired white woman: Numbers are good, but that was too many numbers.
Grey-haired white guy #1: I don't like numbers. Yo no quiero muchos numeros.
Grey-haired white guy #2: Si! Yo entiendo.
(they crack up)
Grey-haired white woman
: Wait… What does that mean?

Grey-haired white guy #1: It means “I don't like numbers.” (they laugh again)
Grey-haired white guy #1: I heard Hispanic-speaking people don't actually say “me gusta.” Anyone know if that's true?
Grey-haired white guy #2: Hmm, I thought it was just Colombians.
Grey-haired white woman: I used to know a Puerto Rican woman.

–Financial District

Overheard by: Office Temp