Wednesday One-Liners Won’t Remember This Tomorrow

Little girl on dad’s shoulders: Hmmm. Beer. I’m not really a fan of that anymore.

–Outside MSG

Overheard by: eric p

Guy on cell: Dude, I’m sayin’, it’s like every single time we have sex she is drunk! Sooo drunk… [Sighs.]

–Canal St

20-something chick on cell: Well, they do say alcohol solves problems…

–Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Chris

NJ transit conductor: We are now approaching New York Penn Station. If you are traveling with any small children, the elderly, or drunk people, please escort them off of the train — maybe by the hand — because there is a wide gap between the train and the platform.

–Penn Station

Mom to wobbling little girl: Are you a drunken sailor? Drunken sailor, yay!

–Liberty St & South End Ave

Overheard by: julia

British girl to two friends: … And I knew he was drunk that night because he fell over.

–R train from Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark

If These Balls Could Talk, They’d Say the Same Thing

Angry chick: I am so mad at you right now!
Boyfriend: Sorry, babe. It’s not my fault you’re still on your period.
Angry chick: I wasn’t talking to you, Jake*, I was talking to my ovaries.

–Morton St

Overheard by: these walls are paperthin


Headline by: Damo


Runners-Up:
· “I Apologize for Ovaryacting” – Katherine Duke
· “Quiet! We’re Trying to Decide Whether or Not We’re Going to Trap You into Marrying Us.” – Kara
· “The Whore Moans” – Stephanie L
· “You Could Always Get Rid of Them, and Earn 19 More Cents An Hour” – Kristen
· “You could have prevented this if you stopped wearing that damn condom.” – Josh H




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

That Makes 14th Street the Mason-Dixon

Girl: I’m going to have a boring weekend. I’m not really doing anything except one of my friends is guest bartending at this bar Coda on 34th street so I’m going to that.
Guy #1: I think I’ve been there.
Guy #2: Is that on the North or South side?
Girl: Oh I haven’t lived in New York to learn the New York lingo.
Guy #2: Well, there’s a North side and a South side of the street. –43rd & 5th

Romance Is Dead, but Wednesday One-Liners Keep on Coming

Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.

–Whitestone, Queens

Overheard by: Michelle Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship. –Borders, 33rd & 7th Overheard by: with a K Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alexandra Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?

–2nd St & 1st Ave Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best. –LIRR Overheard by: Sara Swank Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: buffalo

There’s No Crying in Wednesday One-Liners!

Conductor: Alright, everybody, be careful out on the platform, because it’s gonna be crowded. Despite your instincts, no pushing anyone onto the tracks. Red Sox fans are to remain seated until all Yankee fans have disembarked from the train. This is a sign of respect.

–4 train, 161st St & Yankee Stadium stop

Old Yankee fan: That Shawn Green was a great pick up by the Mets. He’s Jewish, and there are a lot of Jews in New York.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Met fan in hell

Bitter Yankee fan: What the fuck?! A-rod gets paid four million dollars a month? For what?! I can barely clear 24 grand, and I went to college for eight years.

–Loki Lounge, Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Troy B.

Conductor: Because the Met game has just ended, this train is now a local train. To repeat, we left Times Square as an express, but we are now a local because the Met game has ended. We are sorry for the inconvenience, but the Met fans are more important than you.

–7 train

Thug on cell: I was walking down the street the other morning and I saw this dead guy. He looked like a bum and he was really dirty and people were walking by looking him, but he wasn’t moving. His fingers were all swollen and he smelled really bad and there were bugs crawling on his face. Then I looked and he was wearing a Yankees shirt, and I was like, ‘Yo, that shit is mad symbolic.’

–7 train to Shea Stadium