Ten Bucks Says He Asks Her Out Before They Get to Their Floor

Ugly guy: Yeah, we broke up because it just didn’t work out between us. We had too many differences.
Pretty girl: I’m sorry to hear that. How long has it been?
Ugly guy: Years, so I’m over it. Well, we were swingers so it got complicated. Well, – I was a swinger. She wasn’t.
Pretty girl: Ummm… (stares at wall) Great elevator conversation!

–Elevator, Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners for Comic Book Guy

Hipster girl: I want a cape. Capes are so in right now.

–L train

Overheard by: me

Girl on phone: So, today I was on my way to class and I saw a transvestite dressed as Wonder Woman. No, I don’t think he was going to class.

–NYU residence hall, Lafayette St

Metro newspaper man: I’m not Superman, I’m not Spiderman, I’m not Batman. I’m the Metro Man. Get your paper.

–34th St & Broadway

Overheard by: confabulation nation

Guy: I was like, "That’s you! My arch drinking nemesis."

–LIRR, Jamaica

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Girl: He’s like sexual kryptonite!

–2nd St & Ave A

Overheard by: Wondering who she was talking about

Wednesday One-Liners, Just As God Made Them

Gray Line tour guide: … And then I looked up into one of these fabulous brownstone buildings and there was a naked woman. She did a dance for the entire bus. Completely naked. Eye contact and everything. That’s why I never look into windows anymore…

–The Village

Girl to friend: As long as they don’t know that you’re naked, it’s okay.

–68th St

Crazy guy: One… Two… Three… Naked!

–A train

Overheard by: quietly laughing to herself

Man to another: In my neighborhood, once you walk past Avenue A, none of the men are wearing shirts.

–47th & 10th

Overheard by: MuffinPuffin

Man to landlord, in Polish: There is this naked woman and naked man constantly running around the basement at night. We just can’t let this guy keep doing this.

–Nassau Ave

Overheard by: Izabela

Excited chick on cell: I just took my shirt off! In a room full of people talking their shirts off!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

He Said You Need Your Hearing Checked

Russian thug #1: I need to see a psychiatrist, man.
Russian thug #2: Yeah?
Russian thug #1: Yeah, yeah, I need to get my head checked out.
Russian thug #2: You need to get your ass checked out.
Russian thug #1: What? My ass?
Russian thug #2: Yeah, you need your ass checked.
Russian thug #1: What? –F train