Girl: Oh, I don't really feel bad. I just think it's good to say that sometimes so you don't look like an obnoxious girl.

--40th & 3rd


Girl: I mean, large groups of people have never called me sketchy before.

--DT-UT, 2nd Avenue


Asian chick on cell: I am so, so sick of cheering for the underdog. I want to support a winner for once. You get that feeling of elation, y'know? Like, you cheer for a winner, you're a winner too, damn it!

--D train


Chick: It's so annoying! All of my friends really hate me!

--86th & Lexington


Overheard by: Stephie Russell


B&T lady: I'm sorry, I live in a house; I don't have to worry about people "revolving" in.

--Apartment building, Rector & Greenwich


Overheard by: Dan C.

Girl on cell: I've decided to start answering my phone with "I am the God of hellfire."

--West 4th Street & 6th Avenue


Guy: Can I have a cigarette?...Fine, leave me here! Go to Hell! That's not a request it's a Commandment!

--Mott & Bayard


Guy: Have you ever met God?...Gimme a pen and paper. Prepare to meet him.

--Union Square


Overheard by: deandra


Woman: So how long were you in a mental institution? I mean, Catholic school?

--F train


Overheard by: Patrick Tyler


Punk girl: I dunno man, either he's got a contract with Satan or a million guardian angels...

--7th & A


Overheard by: Michael Mulvey


God Squad guy: All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again? Guess what? Jesus put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

--A train


Overheard by: Andy Hobin

Southern lady: Oh my goodness! There was a girl. And she was a big girl. And she was wearing a short, short tiny little skirt. And she had a thong on! With no pants! And a boy came up and started bonin' her from behind! I thought I was in The Twilight Zone!

--N train


Guy: Well, I'd let Jessica Alba give me head, but she'd have to be wearing gold hoop earrings and chew gum. You know, totally porno.

--5th Avenue & 10th Street


Overheard by: Christina Walker


Guy on cell: I gonna watch that with a fucking can of Vaseline, playing with myself the whole time.

--50th & 8th


Dude: You think Bill Gates gives a shit about a bunch of jackoff losers playing Madden 2006? He probably installed some censors in the controls that reprogram your brain with the same code they wrote XP in as you play.

--Millennium Broadway Hotel, West 44th Street


Overheard by: Jonathan Dorman


Tourist dad: Who did you think was going to be staying at our hotel? Madonna? Brad Pitt? Erik Estrada?

--8th between 47th & 48th

Hobo: Yeah, 'cause I wanna buy a sandwich. Please help me buy a sandwich. Please, it's for a birthday, that sandwich. Oh yeah, gimme all that change. I love you! I love you! I love you!...Don't be bendin' over to pick up nothing. Don't be bendin' over pickin' up nothing off the floor. Don't be playin those games with me. Respect yo'self!

--89th & Madison


Overheard by: Lucy & Janie


Hobo: Fellas, let me lay it straight to you: I wanna go to the peep show and whack off.

--Greenwich & Spring


Overheard by: Jhorn


Hobo: Can you spare the love and help a brotha out? Even some change. I'll remember it...I'll remember you when I win the lottery. I'll come looking for you in my helicopter.

--115th & Broadway


Hobo: Come on! Help me make my first million!

--Forest Hills


Overheard by: c.barina


Hobo: Columbus didn't discover America, people were here already. I'm going to 55th Street. I just discovered 55th Street! Look for the dumbest kid on the block and offer him fifty cents for his house. What? You can't write? That's okay, just sign here with an X.

--4 train


Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer


Hobo: C'mon, gimme a quarter. Pretty lady, gimme a quarter. Hey, you, Fat Albert, you gotta quarter? Nah...oh! Slim Shady over there, you know you got a quarter!

--86th & 2nd


Overheard by: Mallory McMahon


Hobo: One dollar! One dollar! Magic beans! One dollar!

--14th & 6th


Overheard by: Adam Nathan


Hobo: So how about some change for your favorite homeless guy?

--12th & 5th


Hobo: Yo, Freddie! Fuck you. Every time I hear your fuckin' name and see your fuckin' ugly face, it makes me wanna take a big fuckin' shit on your head.

--Tompkins Square Park


Overheard by: Tessa White


Woman: Yeah, Coney Island is where they bury all the dead homeless people.

--49th & Broadway


Overheard by: Michael Galyon


Hobo: There are, like, a hundred people on this damn train. If each one of you gave me just a penny, I'd have, like, two dollars.

--B train


Hobo: Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go. To fuck this cock, to fuck this cock, hi ho.

--Union Square


Hobo: I had a birthday once. I almost died, I was so fucked up. I just drank way too fucking much. But I'm clean now. I did die once in '73 in a bathtub. Jim Morrison. It's a pretty famous story. My wife found me in the bathtub. Oliver Stone made a movie about me once, but it wasn't that good.

--F train


Overheard by: mlot


Yarmulke hobo: Who wants to take the day off work, take me home and cuddle? Why go to work when you can cuddle with me?

--57th & 6th


Overheard by: Katie C

Guy: Man, only girls wipe. I've had this penis for 24 years and I've never done that to it.

--E train


Overheard by: Katie


Girl on cell: I wanna have sex. Have some penis. Get laid!

--Filene's Basement, Union Square


Man: So she stuck her face through the divider and asked the cabbie if he minded if she sucked this guy's dick.

--2nd Avenue & 10th Street


Overheard by: Nicole G


Guy: ...So I said, "Nigga, if you gon' suck my dick, then suck my dick!"

--Washington Square Park


Chick: Look...he doesn't have a job, all he does is lay on your
sofa and play PlayStation, you pay his bills, you feed him. There are
thousands of men in the city who would like that deal; at least find
yourself one that has a respectable dick.

--34th & 8th


Overheard by: Cully


Guy: There's just something about potato chips that I don't want my penis near them.

--Columbia University


Overheard by: Mike Lock


Crazy guy: America? I am here to cockblock you!

--32nd & 3rd


Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag


Girl: He was hung like a pinky toe. So I never showed anyone this...but once we broke up, forget it! Everyone saw what a little dick he had!

--Rolf's 3rd Avenue


Guy on cell: You just wanted to suck my dick? I thought you liked me!

--54th & Lexington


Chick: I don't have a penis, and I'm not an American penis.

--116th & Broadway

Tween boy: I want some pussy but I'm a virgin-ass nigga.

--98th & Broadway


Overheard by: leeza


Queer: Ooh boy, I loves me a sturdy woman. Just lose the vagina and we'll be in business!

--1 train


Girl: You're a Barnard woman, and it's for vaginas; I won't take "no" for an answer!

--116th & Broadway


Guy on cell: Your cunnie woke me up last night...Well, we do live in shared space, these things happen!

--Union Square


Lady: I just told them to get all the black hair out. It hurt worse than a Brazilian.

--59th & Lexington


Overheard by: Erin


Woman: If you don't shave your twat, you'll get crawlies coming out of it!

--Duke's, East 19th Street


Suit on cell: The only moist rainforest left is between her legs.

--28th & 5th


Girl: Ew, you wipe like that?

--Ladies' room, Rockefeller Center


Girl: You smell like pussy! Where have you been?

--Union Square

Chick: God, you can't even tell the dykes from the hipsters anymore.

--St. Marks Place


Overheard by: Rose Fox


Crazy woman: I'm not a woman, I'm a man. I'm a gay man. I get my orgasms up a man's ass.

--6 train


Queer: Oh my god! Do lesbians have Soccer Mom fantasies too?

--Union Square


Suit: Man, I need to call my cable company and get TiVo or something; every night I turn on the TV and there's woman-on-woman porn, and you know I want to watch it and save it for later.

--Elevator, 53rd & Madison


Black guy: Ooh shit! She so fine I'll suck her daddy dick!

--33rd & 8th


Overheard by: Rich Dees


Girl: So today after my quiz I went to the Agora Gallery. My friend knows some guy that works there and we had "lunch". Like queer people.

--John & Cliff

Tween girl: I can't wait for college. College is when you get tall and your boobs get big.

--M104 bus


Guy: Yeah, he has really nice girlie titties.

--3rd between 12th & 13th


Guy: Oh shit, I showed my tits on camera.

--18th between 10th & 11th


Overheard by: djlindee

Hipster girl: I think it's time now for me to open my own spa. And after years of working at Bliss I know what to call it: No Cunts Allowed.

--Washington & West 11th


Overheard by: Trey Desolay


Flyers guy: What about you? You want to come to the gym?...No?...That is a big mistake.

--14th between 6th & 7th

Huge guy: Did you know that real monsters eat little kids who aren't quiet on the train? So shut it up, or a real monster is gonna get angry! There are real monsters, okay? Grr...

--F train


Man on cell: Ma...Ma! Look, Ma, I really can't talk right now. I'm seriously stuck in traffic...it's gonna be at least another two hours before I can get up there for dinner, okay?...Ma! The FDR is blocked all the way...listen, I have no way to speed this up.

--Lexington between 84th & 85th


Overheard by: Katia

Girl: ...and it, like, hit me right in the head. Right in my soft spot! I know only babies have soft spots but I think mine, like, never healed.

--The Met


Overheard by: Shannon


Chick on cell: So the Rogaine worked on your eyebrows, right?

--25th between 10th & 11th


Girl: ...you see, your nose should eventually fall off because it's easier...

--Penn Station


Overheard by: Special Agent K74

Wheelchair guy: I hate playing poker online; the players are such retards.

--Satellite Poker Club, [Censored]


Overheard by: Pundy


Old Lady: Oh lord. Oh lord. Can you help me? I stuck my bus pass in the ATM, and it won't seem to give it back to me. Oh lord.

--Chase Manhattan Bank, 15th & 1st


Guy: Yo! You dropped something! Right here...you dropped something...Man, what are you, stupid? You're gonna miss the train!

--West 4th Street station


Overheard by: Colin


Hispanic man on cell: How much did it cost you to get the car
out?...How much? How much was it last time?...What was the
problem?...Double parking...How many times?...Who the fuck
would double park a car and just leave it?...You didn't think they'd do anything?...Oh, like you couldn't wait for your fucking donut long enough to find a regular place to park...You are a fucking idiot. You are an idiot.

--Howard Beach station


Overheard by: Rich Mintz