November 2005 Archives

The Classy Ladies of Wednesday One-liners

Chick on cell: Um, it's me, and you know what? I just sent you and email that was all like, "I don't want to think about it, I just want to blah blah blah." I changed my mind. I do want to think about it, and you know what happens when I do? I say, ew! Yuck, yuck, yuck, ew, ew, yuck. argh! Ugh! Ugh! I'm so grossed out right now I cannot even tell you. What a fucking asshole. Asshole, asshole, asshole. I hate him, I hate him. He's a big dick. A big dick. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm walking around the streets of New York swearing, but god knows I'm not the first person. Holy shit, what a dick. Ew. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Call me back. Bye!

--Union Square

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Heavenly Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: You people are all evil...You are oppressors...You're gonna be up shit's creek when Moshiach comes!

--37th & Broadway


Overheard by
: Alexander

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Wednesday One-liners Watch Too Much TV

Dude: Are you suggesting MacGyver is my penis?

--F train

Overheard by: Giovanni Diaz

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Wednesday One-liners Rifle Through the Trash

Guy: Dude, no one uses "hobo" in a sentence anymore.

--McCoy's Bar, 9th Avenue

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Wednesday One-liners: The Pole

Old man on pay phone: If I see another nigger on this street, I'm gonna rip his dick off and eat it!

--Chambers & Church


Overheard by
: Ziggy



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Wednesday One-liners: The Hole

Guy on cell: Yo baby, you better be keeping that pussy wet for me.

--Fulton & Gold


Overheard by
: Prof A



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A Pink Triangle of Wednesday One-liners

Crazy man: Why you gotta stick your dick in a man? How can you be a Latin King and stick your dick in a man?

--6 train


Overheard by
: Dirt "Chainsaw" Dog

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Wednesday One-liners by Dolly Parton

Girl: Have you seen my mom's titties?

--A train


Overheard by
: Matt Gossett

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Wednesday One-liners Go to the Health Club

Tour chick: ...And up that street is the gym. I've never been in there but I'm sure it's full of glistening weights and...I don't know...glistening bodies...

--Washington Square Park

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Wednesday One-liners Don't Speak Truth

Guy on cell: Oh, wow, that's too bad. You know I would help you out if I were in New York. I am on the West Coast, I flew out yesterday, I am standing on Rodeo Drive.

--73rd & 3rd

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Incomplete Wednesday One-liners

Woman: I mean, I don't want to break up with him, but I just don't think I can date an amputee.

--Hungarian Pastry Shop, Amsterdam Avenue


Overheard by
: Jeff Julian

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Wednesday One-liners Are None Too Bright

Indian man: You're the stupidest lady in the world...You see her? She's the stupidest lady in the world. You are #1!

--7 train


Overheard by
: isabelle

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That's Why He Invented Hell

Girl #1: Man, I really want some cigarettes, but I don't have any cash.
Girl #2: Sorry, I don't have any cash either.
Girl #1: Look, I found a 20! God like totally wants me to smoke.

--Broadway & Prince


Posted 2005-11-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oddly Enough, Using Windows

Guy #1: I told you I wanted a pineapple.
Guy #2: It's November.
Guy #1: And?
Hobo: Pineapple and coconuts are made from computers. And you can tell!

--77th & 1st


Overheard by
: Big Z


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Pro or Con?

Girl #1: What's with the people yelling?
Girl #2: It's a protest about something.
Girl #1: What are they protesting?
Girl #2: I don't know, the Bubonic Plague?

--Washington Square SE


Overheard by
: Gradie Smith


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"Domo arigato!"

White chick: Oh, I've been meaning to ask you...how do you say "hello" in Korean?
Asian chick: I don't know; I'm Chinese, bitch!

--Starbucks, 44th & Broadway


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One Yacht Short of a Regatta

Girl #1: Excuse me! Sir!...Why is the water level so low?
Girl #2: Yeah, are they like draining the Hudson River for the winter or something? Isn't that like bad for the boats?

--79th Street Boat Basin


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Bob Saget Would Award Him a Big Check

Suit #1: Who would win in a fight, a cheetah or a chimpanzee?
Suit #2: Definitely the cheetah.
Suit #1: But what if the chimpanzee kicked the cheetah in the balls?

--34th & Madison


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It Was The Bronxstein Until Ellis Island

Teen girl #1: What is the Bronx short for?
Teen girl #2: It's not short for anything, it's just the Bronx.
Teen girl #1: Oh, I thought it was short for Brooklyn.
Teen girl #2: Wow.

--6 train


Overheard by
: Jen


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It's That Pesky Tom Paine Again

Trainer guy #1: How do you say "sixty-nining" in Chinese?
Trainee lady: I don't know...How do you say it in Trinidadian?
Trainer guy #2: There is no language called Trinidadian. They speak English. It was a British colony.
Trainee lady: What happened?

--New York Health & Racquet Club, Whitehall Street


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They're So Going to the Outer Darkness

Promoter guy: Do you girls like comedy?
Girl #1: No.
Promoter guy: You telling me you girls don't like to
laugh?
Girl #2
: Laughing is against our religion.

Promoter guy: And what religion would that be?
Girl #1: Mormon.

--Broadway between Bleecker & Houston


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Then Stop Showing Us Your Hymen

Tween girl #1: Oh my god, is it wrong that I want him inside me?
Tween girl #2: Uh, yeah, especially since you're like 13 and a virgin.
Tween girl #1: Oh my god, shut up! I don't want all these New Yorkers to know I'm a virgin!

--50th & 6th


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Define "Better"

Drunk boy: God, fucking Bedford is so fucking gentrified.
Drunk girl: Go to the Lorimer stop. It's way better there.

--Bedford Avenue station


Overheard by
: Ami


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Sharpie is Just Their Name, Dimwit

Asian girl: So he gave me directions to go meet him.
White guy: What? I ain't goin there, that neighborhood is all Cripped out! I ain't about to get shot!
Asian girl: Look, I can call a car service to pick us up at the train station if it's that big of a deal.
White guy: Naw, I'm kiddin', I'll just stab 'em with a pen.

--Walgreens, 4th Avenue


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She Admires Their Ability to Smear Their Foes

Lady lawyer: Hey, what animal year are you?
Boy attorney #1: The monkey, I think.
Boy attorney #2: Dude, chimpanzees freak me out after seeing Outbreak.
Boy attorney #1: That was a monkey, not a chimpanzee.
Lady lawyer: The thing I don't like about monkeys is their butts.

--Office, East 45th Street


Posted 2005-11-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, That's Pretty Much Judaism

Girl #1: I really like matzoh bread.
Girl #2: Yeah, my friend makes it really amazing because she fries it in butter and sugar. It's so good.
Girl #1: Wait, is that allowed? I thought matzoh was supposed to be about suffering.

--Lafayette Street Residence


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Cue Big Musical Finale

Tourist guy: Officer, what's happening?
Cop guy: What's happening? Rush hour's happening!

--Times Square station


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He's Going Back to Reclaim His Throne

Hobo: Can anyone spare $100? I'm trying to get to Hawaii.

A man hands him a dollar bill.

Hobo: Can any one spare $99? I'm trying to get to Hawaii.

--12th & 7th


Overheard by
: Zimmy


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I Feel Sorry for the Poor Bitch

Girl: Did you hear about that new dog they're breeding? It's called
a pewgle.
Guy
: What kinda dog is that?

Girl: Oh, it's a pug and um...um...a bugle.

--Deli, 53rd & 6th


Overheard by
: Janelle F


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Michael Schiavo Gets On With His Life

Woman: He wants the pad tai with chicken, no vegetables.
Man: I can't have vegetables. My vegetarian wife just left me.

--Tai Hong Lau, Mott Street


Overheard by
: Amie


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Just Look--Indirectly--at Stephen Hawking

Girl #1: ...so he'd just sit in the back of the room jerking off and nobody could say anything because he was special.
Girl #2: Let me get this straight: he couldn't control his motorized wheelchair but he could beat off?
Girl #1: Where there's a will there's a way.

--Tisch School of the Arts, Broadway & Waverly


Overheard by
: D


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Welcome to the Jungle

Black girl: I didn't want to say this in there, but have you noticed how all Mexican men working in bars and restaurants look the same?
White girl #1: Well I bet they all think that white women look the same.
White girl #2: Well all elephants probably look the same to gorillas.

--West 3rd Street & 6th Avenue


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We Prefer to Be Called Immigrants

Guy #1: I don't think aliens are aliens.
Guy #2: Oh no. Me neither.
Guy #1: I think aliens are just regular people who evolved a different way.
Guy #2: I have always believed that. Everyone knows that.

--Astor Place


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User ID: Golden_Gurlz

Guy #1: Yo, them pants is hot, where'd you get 'em?
Guy #2: Muthafuckin' eBay, nigga!

--7th & Bleecker


Overheard by
: Eve's droppings


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That's Just Where His Ideas Went

Girl: When you were talking about Saddam Hussein, it reminded me of Osama bin Laden. Wasn't he born here or something?
Professor lady: No...
Girl: Then he grew up here?
Professor: No...
College girl: Oh, right! He came here to go to an Ivy League, didn't he?

--Tisch Hall, West 4th Street


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Chelsea Takes a Trip North

Guy #1: You talk about cock more than girls I know who suck it every weekend.
Guy #2: Um, are you insinuating that I'm gay?
Guy #1: I don't need to insinuwait anything.
Guy #3: You're both gay.
Guy #1: Suck my cock, bitch.

--79th & Amsterdam


Overheard by
: AChest



Drunk guy
: Let me ask you something...What are the chances that you'll let me take you home and blow you?

Sober guy: Not very likely.
Drunk guy: See, it's just that my girlfriend is out of town and I really want to suck you off.
Sober guy: Um. No.


--75th & Columbus


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She Should Major in Double Entendres

Teen girl #1: Do you have your final college list yet?
Teen girl #2: It's not exactly done.
Trannie: Seniors?
Teen girl #2: Yep!
Trannie: Either of you applying to Williams? I went there!
Teen girl #1: I was looking at it, but I'm not so sure.

--1 train


Overheard by
: michal


Posted 2005-11-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Not as Sick as "Grody" Usage

Queer #1: Ick. He's like, your cousin or something.
Queer #2: First cousin. Second cousin. Once removed.
Queer #1: But not a cousin cousin.
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #1: That's still grody.
Queer #2: I love that skirt on her.

--33rd & 8th


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You Can Get Some Store Credit at Evolution

Suit: Am I going to be charged for the giant roach that fell on my head while I was eating?
Cashier lady: Um...no.

--Spade's Noodles, 3rd Avenue


Overheard by
: Becca and Christa


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He Kept Uploading from His Floppy

Guy: I really don't watch that much porn.
Chick: I woke up in the middle of the night that one time, and you were totally sitting in your desk chair watching porn!
Guy: I was just switching files between hard drives and I wanted to make sure the porn file still worked.

--D'Agostino, 110th & Broadway


Overheard by
: djlindee


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Sometimes Reagan Worship Goes Too Far

Woman #1: I think I'll get the spinach ravioli that you got last time.
Woman #2: Really? I did? Did I like it?

--Chelsea Gallery, 7th Avenue


Overheard by
: Jenyc


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So Should I Just Throw Out These Carnations?

Hobo: What's the best in the nation? Hey you, what's the best in the nation?
Guy: The best what?
Hobo: In the nation. What's the best in the nation?
Girl #1: The best what in the nation?
Hobo: You know, like country.
Girl #1: Oh, you mean what's the