Wednesday One-liners Appeal to the Prurient Interest

Teen boy: Dude, if Chelsea ever spread her legs, bats would fly out. –1 train Guy: Getting a blow job from her was like fucking a blow up doll. –4th & A Overheard by: cio Guy: 50,000 people?! By the law of averages, I should get some! –81st & Broadway Guy on cell : Listen, the manager said he wants to see anal and he wants to see swallow… –55th & Broadway Overheard by: Marko Guy: For all the years I’ve lived in New York, most of the girls I’ve taken home have been from the subway. –Washington Heights FedEx guy: It felt like 100 miles between kissing her and fucking her. –48th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: John Gullotta

You'd Think People Of Mediterranean Descent Would All Get Along Swimmingly

Guido: Excuse me, miss? Miss? Have I seen you in my church?
20-something girl: No.
Guido: No, no, I definitely saw you in my church. We go to the same one.
20-something girl, sighing: Sir… If I went to any house of worship, it'd be a synagogue. And I stay as far away from those as possible. Have a nice day now.
Guido: Aaaaawww, I liiike you! –82nd & Broadway

Something About That Offer Does Not Compute.

Creepy old guy: Hey hun, do you know you can get Windows 7.0 for less than $25.
Cute girl: Okay…
Creepy old guy: Alright! Gimme your phone number and I'll help you out. –25th St & 3rd Ave

…I Should Probably Go Get That Checked Out.

Vendor #1, loudly: Do you have Munchhausen's syndrome?
Vendor #2: Which one is that?
Vendor #1: It's the one where you're obsessed with going to the hospital.
Vendor #2: Oh, yeah. Probably. –Flea Market, Brooklyn Overheard by: A

The Excited Titter of Wednesday One-Liners

Tech director: I don’t need dirty, rusty, random screws. –Lincoln Center Institute Overheard by: Brina Excitable Islamic Studies professor: … And what happened when the woodcutter spoke to Mohammed? Yes! He gave him wood! This man, he gave Mohammed wood! And why could only this man give Mohammed wood? Just because he was a woodcutter? No! And do you know what happened when this man gave Mohammed wood? Mohammed’s wood exploded into flowers! Yes! –Eugene Lang College Overheard by: amelia Man on conference call speakerphone: Our card penetration was not what we expected from the district. Lucy*, can you tell everyone how you got such good penetration at your store this month? –The Gap, Queens Conductor: No! No doors in my rear! Not in my rear! –A train, Broadway Junction Overheard by: amused Grandmother tourist to granddaughter: Wanna grab a pole, Lacey? –6 train, 51st St Overheard by: With a name like that…… Chick on cell: I sat on a Camelback’s nipple, and now my ass is wet. –Harlem Overheard by: Ladle Woman with big bag squeezing past for a seat: Sorry — once I’m in, you won’t even feel me. –LIRR Overheard by: Rebecca