Tech director: I don’t need dirty, rusty, random screws.
–Lincoln Center Institute
Overheard by: Brina
Excitable Islamic Studies professor: … And what happened when the woodcutter spoke to Mohammed? Yes! He gave him wood! This man, he gave Mohammed wood! And why could only this man give Mohammed wood? Just because he was a woodcutter? No! And do you know what happened when this man gave Mohammed wood? Mohammed’s wood exploded into flowers! Yes!
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: amelia
Man on conference call speakerphone: Our card penetration was not what we expected from the district. Lucy*, can you tell everyone how you got such good penetration at your store this month?
–The Gap, Queens
Conductor: No! No doors in my rear! Not in my rear!
–A train, Broadway Junction
Overheard by: amused
Grandmother tourist to granddaughter: Wanna grab a pole, Lacey?
–6 train, 51st St
Overheard by: With a name like that……
Chick on cell: I sat on a Camelback’s nipple, and now my ass is wet.
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman with big bag squeezing past for a seat: Sorry — once I’m in, you won’t even feel me.
Overheard by: Rebecca