White guy: So, do you have any plans for this evening?
Asian girl: Yeah, being angry!
White guy: Oh, that sounds good.
–Houston & 1st
Overheard by: Kristin
Archive for January, 2006
Don’t Forget About Jack Bauer Power Hour
Guy #1: So this Jack guy is basically the luckiest man in the world.
Guy #2: Why, because he’s survived like 5 attempts on his life and it’s not even noon?
Guy #1: No; he could totally nail those two chicks.
–6 train
It’s an Auditorium, Not a Nebula
Dad: Could you tell me where the auditorium is?
Security guy: It’s on the second floor.
Dad: Wait, you mean it’s actually in the building?
–Hunter College High School, 94th & Park
You Can’t Trust Those Damn Slags
Girl: But, I mean, it’s not like I ever plan on giving birth.
Guy: Well, if your mother gave birth, it’s like your chances are good that you’ll give birth too.
Girl: …Uh, dude, your mother gave birth.
Guy: Absolutely.
–Park Slope
Guy #1: I don’t mind getting old; I love getting old.
Guy #2: Yeah, just as long as you don’t get pregnant.
–Grove & Bleecker
Eternal Silence is Eternal Consent
Chick: Are you saying you would have anal sex with my lifeless body?
Guy: No. No, I’m not. I’m insinuating it.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Awful Cold Out for Such Thin Skin
Hobo: Can you spare any change?
Man: Sorry, no.
Hobo: Who the hell you saying no to? I wasn’t asking you anyway, asshole!
–106th & Broadway
Overheard by: Leonor M.
Burying People Often Causes Brain Damage
Hobo: Excuse me, this is a picture of my daughter Sofiya, she was in a fire recently and now she is brain damage can you spare some change so that we can give her a proper funeral? Anything will help, even a penny.
Man: Wait a minute! Is this the same daughter that was in a fire last summer? You mean to tell me you haven’t buried her yet?
–4 train
Overheard by: Leslie DJ
Dude, It’s 17 in New York
Guy: How old are you?
Hipster girl: You know, I never answer that question. Because to me, it’s about how mature you are, you know? I mean, a fourteen year old could be more mature than a twenty-five year old, right? I’m sorry, I just never answer that question.
Guy: But, uh, you’re older than eighteen, right?
Hipster girl: Oh, yeah.
–Knitting Factory, Leonard Street
Overheard by: Sarah Doogs
The Noid Has Gotten Much Subtler
Queer #1: What should I get? I’ll have a falafel. Ha, ha!
Queer #2: I’ll have one of these lamb slices.
Pizza guy: Eggplant.
Queer #2: No, one of these.
Pizza guy: That’s eggplant.
Queer #2: Oh…Well, it looked like lamb.
Queer #1: I’m gonna throw caution to the wind and get a cheese slice.
Queer #3: That’s not lamb. Maybe you should ask for a duck confit slice.
–Sal’s, 7th & A
Overheard by: Domi
Hamas Has Won Here, Too
Man: Is this kosher?
Vendor guy: Um…there’s kosher salt in the bacon.
–Union Square