Archive for January, 2006

“Sorry, I was thinking about my mistress.”

Little boy: Dad, will you remember me tomorrow?
Dad: Of course.
Little boy: Will you remember me next week?
Dad: Yes.
Little boy: Next month?
Dad: Yup.
Little boy: Next year? Two years? Three years?
Dad. Yes, yes and yes.
Little boy: …Knock, knock.
Dad: Who’s there?
Little boy: Aw, man! You forgot me already! –1 train Overheard by: Kathleen

The Literal Opposite of “#1 Dad”

Guy #1: Bitches are all emotional, guys use their head. That is why I call emotional guys “bitches.”
Guy #2: Word.
Guy #1: But bitches are crazy, they will call the cops on you now. They will slap themselves in the face and when the cops show up they will point at you.
Guy #2: Fo’ sho’.
Guy #1: That is why I ain’t got no kids. I don’t want a bunch of my seed running around and people calling me a scumbag because I don’t take care of my kids. Bitch will turn on you for that child support.
Guys #2: I know my girl ain’t gonna be doing that because she know I’m only making minimum wage. –1 train

Year of the Jackass

Guy #1: Why did you cut your knish like you’re an Asian person?
Girl: Because I’m a jink!
Guy #2: Anna, you are one crazy cookie. –Astoria Man: I have never seen so many chinks in one Starbucks in all my life. –Starbucks, Crosby & Spring Overheard by: Jas Guy: This is, like, the third time they’ve made me feel stupid in public. God, I hate Chinese people! –Houston & Suffolk Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

A NSA Tattoo Works Wonders

Guy #1: So I had ex sex last night.
Guy #2: How was it?
Guy #1: Amazing as always, but now I’m fucked cause she’s gonna start calling me again.
Guy #2: Imagine that, you sleep with someone and then they call you…Crazy. –1 train