Archive for January, 2006

The Writers Switched From Funny to Educational

Tween girl #1: I’m gonna call that number 1-800-DIVORCE. I want to divorce my parents.
Tween boy: You can’t divorce your parents, stupid. Can you marry your parents? No!
Tween girl #1: Technically, technically you can but that’s just sick.
Tween girl #2: You’re not really divorcing your parents. It’s more like they giving up they rights.
Tween girl #1: Look, I call it divorcing your parents because that’s what they called it on The Simpsons so that’s why I say it. –Q train

The Opposition to the Burger Crown Meets

Indian mom: Eat your chicken.
Drunk Irishman: Ach, what nice bebbies. I have a child too.
Indian mom: That’s nice.
Drunk Irishman: Just the one, though. The doctor told me wife, that’s it. No more chidren for you.
Indian mom: I see.
Little girl: Grandma, who is that man?
Indian mom: I’m your mother, not your grandmother.
Drunk Irishman: Her boss made her lift a 500 pound piano all by her self. A tiny woman! A 500 pound piano!
Indian mom: I see.
Drunk Irishman: So no more children. And me one of nine, you know. Including the one deadborn one. –Wendy’s, Astoria Overheard by: Loretta P.

Year of the Jackass

Guy #1: Why did you cut your knish like you’re an Asian person?
Girl: Because I’m a jink!
Guy #2: Anna, you are one crazy cookie. –Astoria Man: I have never seen so many chinks in one Starbucks in all my life. –Starbucks, Crosby & Spring Overheard by: Jas Guy: This is, like, the third time they’ve made me feel stupid in public. God, I hate Chinese people! –Houston & Suffolk Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

A NSA Tattoo Works Wonders

Guy #1: So I had ex sex last night.
Guy #2: How was it?
Guy #1: Amazing as always, but now I’m fucked cause she’s gonna start calling me again.
Guy #2: Imagine that, you sleep with someone and then they call you…Crazy. –1 train