Drunk girl: Sometimes, when I look at myself through the microscope of cold, hard objectivity, I think to myself, “God, you are awesome!” –47th & 9th Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Guy: I mean, eating your own cum is one thing, but eating it on a pizza four hours later? I should probably keep my voice down… –43rd & 8th
Teen girl: God, you are so self-conscious sometimes I want to punch you in the face. –A train Overheard by: Niki
Chick: She’s like a human Muppet…But not sexually. –Bleecker & Sullivan Overheard by: John Auld
Guy #1: Excuse me, sir, but do you know you’re white?
Guy #2: Yes, I do know that. Now will you stop following me? –40th & 8th Overheard by: Suriya
Teen girl #1: What’s a “fortnight”?
Teen girl #2: It’s British for “ten days”; like, “I’ll be gone for a fortnight.”
Teen girl #1: Oh yeah, that makes total sense. –LaGuardia Overheard by: GGary
Guy #1: So that Egyptian baby girl with two heads died. A brain infection from when they removed the extra head.
Guy #2: Is this real or from the Weekly World News?
Guy #1: No, it’s real. The extra head could only smile and blink.
Guy #3: So the extra head could give head…It had a use…Ha, ha, ha!
Guy #1: You are really a sick motherfucker. –51st & Lexington
Guy: I don’t need a bag, thanks.
Store lady: You’re going to carry that in your hand?
Store lady: That’s fine with me. I love customers who don’t want bags.
Guy: Why waste them, right?
Store lady: Yeah. People need to recycle. They keep cutting down more and more trees for these bags.
Store lady: Plastic bags are made out of trees, right?
Guy: …Well, no…
Store lady: Oh, I think it’s paper bags that are made out of trees. –Duane Reade, 22nd & Park
Girl: And he’s like, “Are you pregnant?”
Guy: Is that how straight people ask if you got laid?
Girl: No, but I’m kinda worried.
Guy: Yeah. My friends from high school got pregnant like one after the other.
Guy: It was like abort over here, abort over there.
Girl: I’m scared.
Guy: We was killing baby fetuses every week. –Christopher & Gay
Teen girl #1: You know what I think the worst smell would be? Dirty diapers with rotting flesh wrapped in rubber; all set on fire.
Teen girl #2: What about sulfur, too?
Teen girl #1: Well, sulfur usually comes along with the burning anyway. And you know, that all might smell so bad that it smells good…
Teen girl #2: Yeah, you should tell Dartmouth that when you interview there. –81st & CPW Overheard by: Ariamy