Overheard In New York

Archive for May, 2006

Wednesday One-liners Make Me Sick

Black lady: I don’t eat fried food. Grease is the enemy. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I wanted fried food all the time. This one day, I left work to go eat some fried fish, and I ate it. And I stayed there. And you know what happened? The grease came up and the fish stayed down. –Precious Nails, 94th & 3rd Suit #1 to suit #2: We can do whatever you want today. I just don’t like the stuff you make me do that makes me throw up. –AJ Maxwell’s, 48th & 6th Overheard by: their waitress

She Needs a Change After All the Big Black Men

Girl #1: What’s with all the little white men?
Girl #2: The Navy guys?
Girl #1: White, Jesus.
Girl #2: What?
Pause
Girl #1: In those little costumes… don’t you just want to jump them? –34th & Lexington Overheard by: love them sailors

Lion Alert Level: Yellow

Little girl, loudly: ROAR!
Little girl’s dad: Leslie, stop it, you’re scaring the people.
Little girl, quietly: Roar…
Little girl’s dad: Very nice Les, scare them subtly. –Payless, 225th & Broadway Overheard by: NARS

When One Door Closes. . .

Conductor #1: Uh, Jack?
Conductor #2: Yeah Joe.
Conductor #1: We need to stop.
Conductor #2: Stop? What do you mean stop?! We’re in the middle of a tunnel!
Conductor #1: A door just opened.
Conductor #2: What the….. –N train Overheard by: melissa

The Answer Is Shitting in the Wind

Man on a park bench #1: Betcha never seen a dandelion turn from yellow to white. Even catch one half-way in between.
Man on a park bench #2: Betcha ain’t never seen no baby pigeons. Ain’t noboby never seen no baby pigeons. See all them big fat ones? Where’s the babies at? –Central Park

They Have to Work Harder to Screw You During the Summer

Female student: Do you guys have any empty boxes that I could possibly have?
Clerk: No, I’m sorry.
Female student: What about all of those empty boxes over there?
Clerk: We sell boxes, so we’re not allowed to give out boxes for free.
Female student: Okay. How much are the boxes you’re selling?
Clerk: Actually, we’re sold out.
Female student: Okay, if you don’t have any more boxes for sale, can I have some of those empty boxes over there?
Clerk: No. –Columbia University Bookstore, 115th & Broadway Overheard by: djlindee