Overheard In New York

Archive for June, 2006

That Peculiar Flare of the Collar Is Only Seen in Southern Florida, Watson

Lady: Are you from Miami?
Girl wearing a Phillies shirt: No, why?
Lady: Your shirt. –104th & Broadway Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

Patriotic Feces? Old Navy’s New Product Line Is Genius!

Black lady with five kids: You can’t get anything here. We gots to get to Old Navy to buy us all our Fourth of July t-shirts so we match at the picnic.
Black guy: They have the best deal. Shirts are five dollars each, that’s like [counts kids, self, and wife] less than twenty bucks for all of us, and even the baby shit has a flag on it. –Target, Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn Overheard by: lora

But It’s Just About Good Enough for an Open Casket

Annoyed friend: Yeah, I like what you did with your hair. Seriously, it’s a nice look for you.
Vain guy: Thanks. You know, I’m always amazed at how a good haircut can drive away the usual enthusiasm for suicide.
Annoyed friend: Hold on. It doesn’t look that good. –Union Square Overheard by: Jeremiah

I Just Cleared Up That Business With the Houngan

Cashier: $2.99? That’s cheap!
Female customer: That ain’t cheap for my Trojans!
Cashier: No, I mean that’s cheap, like, on sale.
Female customer: Don’t be puttin’ no bad vibe on my condoms! –Duane Reade, 34th Street

Unless It’s a Pleather Cow

A teen girl punches her father repeatedly in the arm. Older sister: You know he can’t feel that, right? He’s wearing a leather jacket.
Teen girl: What?
Older sister: Yeah, that’s why motorcyclists wear leather, so they don’t get their skin scraped off when they go sliding across the pavement.
Teen girl: Oh! So if I punch a cow, it can’t feel it? –The Plaza

No, She’s Just Blind

Latina girl with empty seat next to her: This whole ride nobody’s sat down in this seat. This bus is gonna be packed before a white person sits in this seat. Three stops later, a white girl sits down in the seat. Latina girl, approvingly: Gangsta. –M15 bus Overheard by: Emily Duncanson

I Figure If I Can Find One the Right Size, It’ll Be Like a Monocle For My Ass

Queer #1: Let’s hit the discount button bins on 39th.
Queer #2: Excuse me? That boy fucked you up bad.
Queer #1: What? I love buttons.
Queer #2: You still have some of that joint? –10th & 6th Overheard by: isaac

Mommy Prefers to Go There by Herself

Little girl: Where does the H train go, mommy?
Mom: There is no H train.
Little girl: I train?
Mom: No I train either.
Little girl: J train? Where does the J train go?
Mom: To Brooklyn. [Pause] Nowhere we’d ever go. –F train, between West 4th & 14th