Teen girl #1: I just don’t understand why people wait so long to have kids. Then you’re so old that you can’t relate to them. If I’d had a kid when I was like, eleven, he’d have been three by the time I was fourteen.
Teen girl #2: Yeah. I totally read something about this on your LiveJournal.
–Yaffa Cafe, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Miriam
Archive for June, 2006
Are You My Asian/Pacific Islander?
Asian guy: Yo, nigger.
Black guy: Fuck you. You ain’t my nigger.
–90th St, Elmhurst
I Can Do It With a Real Penis Now
20-ish thug: Yo, girl, let me get a minute. I wanna buy you a popsicle.
Disgusted teen: I’m thirteen.
20-ish thug: Yeah, I know.
–Union Square station
Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Take Me Out to the Hallucination-of-a-Ballgame…
Vendor: Crackerjacks! Crackerjacks!
Very drunk woman: Crackerjacks?! What about LSD??
–Keyspan Park, Coney Island
Overheard by: Jamie
‘…A Nation Where They Will Not be Judged by the Color of Their Skin, But by the Blood Alcohol Content of Their Character’
Drunk girl, to owner of pizza place: Hasta mañana!
Drunk guy: That’s not Italian!
Drunk girl: He’s not Italian, he’s Greek! He speaks Yiddish and Greek!
–30th & 3rd
But It’s a Slippery Slope to Eugenics
Teen girl #1: Whoa, are those apples really all in perfect rows?
Teen girl #2: Whole Foods has really out-yuppied itself this time.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
I Get a Helmeting for Each Party I Refer to Them
Six young guys are trying to check into the Hotel Chelsea late on Saturday night of Pride Weekend. Desk clerk: Two beds for four men, not six! Not six men for two beds. [Pause] That’s a different hotel! –Hotel Chelsea, W. 23rd St
Oh, Sorry! It Was Just, with the Smell, the Armpit Hair, the Aura of Disdain…
Male pick-up artist: Are you from France?
Girl: No. I’m from Long Island!
–uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Giuseppe
Coincidentally, ‘A Fun Place Where Children Can Learn’ Was What He Called His Van
Girl: Would you be interested in hearing about a fun place where children can learn?
Man: No, I’m not allowed because I’m a registered felon.
Girl: Well, have a nice day!
–outside SCORE! Educational Center, Union Turnpike
Overheard by: Pfeff
His mom will make you feel guilty about it tomorrow
Girl 1: I just saw, like, 3 cute Jewish-looking guys.
Girl 2: Yeah, that one in the window?
Girl 1: Yeah.
Girl 2: Wanna go touch his butt?
–48th and 9th
Overheard by: alexie
Headline by: lori
Runners-Up:
· “Boy, if I had a quarter for every time someone said that about me, I’d have…..35 cents.” – Adam
· “By That I Mean Marry Him For His Money” – dean morris
· “Diaper Change Time at the Mt. Sanai Maternity Ward…” – Warren Freeman
· “Goy chicks are, like, so daring” – DJG
· “It’s only Trayf if you eat him” – djingo
· “Jewish: The Other White Meat” – James
· “Or we could go tweak that catholic-looking guy’s nipples” – morgz
· “Pants so tight you can see his religion” – scarfaccio
· “Satan Would Approve” – hl
· “The “Shiksa Shocka”" – Vick
· “Ugh… the cute ones are ALWAYS jewish” – Jnice
· “Yeah, That Wallet Is Huge.” – Keith Becker
Click here to see the new Headline Contest