Archive for June, 2006

Oops, There Goes My Secret!

Girl #1: How are you so fucking skinny!? All I see you do is eat, eat, and eat some fucking more! We just came from Dunkin fucking Donuts where you had a bagel and a fucking muffin! Now you’re eating fucking chocolate! How are you so fucking skinny!? You’re a fucking freak of nature!
Girl #2: Yo, shut the fuck up or I’ll vomit all over your fat ass! –Q88 bus Overheard by: Jackie

Himself… And Six Million Pissed-Off Ghosts

Drunk white man: Hey, sir. “Knish” is spelled wrong.
Indian cashier: What?
Drunk white man: The food behind the case here. You spelled “knish” wrong, and I’ve told you guys before and it still hasn’t been fixed. Look, buddy, I’ve come in here ten times in the last week. I’ve told three other employees that the spelling is wrong, and next time I come in here it better be spelled right or the Jews are gonna come kill you. Drunk white man storms out. Indian cashier: That man is fucking crazy. It’s knish. Is it even spelled wrong?
Woman: No. He just forgot to take his meds and now the Jews are gonna come and kill you. And by “the Jews” he means himself. –Organic food store, 19th & 3rd Overheard by: Boo Radley

His Mom Always Said That, Too, But She Meant the Other Kind of Special

Girl: I accidentally got on at the wrong station and my card says “just used.” Could you let me through?
MTA employee: You broke the rules. Do you think it’s okay to break the rules where you work?
Girl: I’m sorry?
MTA employee: Oh, you must think you’re special. Guess what? You’re not.
Girl: My mom says I’m special. –Bergen St. subway, Brooklyn

I Only Flew an Airplane into It

Male intellectual: I was put in a mental hospital when I was fifteen. I still don’t know why. I asked a doctor at one point, “Why am I here?” and he said, “Don’t worry about it. You’re very mentally ill, and it will take you a long time to recover.” I said, “But what am I recovering from?” and he just said, “Don’t worry about it.” I still don’t know why I was there. The only reason I can think of is, I have a terrible temper.
Female intellectual: Yes, but sweetie, your temper? It’s abnormal. It’s not like a human temper. It’s insane.
Male intellectual: Well, maybe, but it’s not like I blew up the World Trade Center. –Cafe Henri, Long Island City